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I have a new mindset. This is the first time in years that I have made up my mind and have been sticking to it! I started going to counseling to try to sort out the reasons why I binge eat. It is amazing what can happen when you have a good therapist! You see, I am usually the one that people seek out when they need advice but in this area, I have been so lost for so long, I needed someone to give me a hand up. I am not ashamed! Shame is another thing that I have been living with and I'm done with feeling it. :) I am now 5 weeks smoke free. I worried that it would make me want to binge more, but it hasn't. I have been doing the 21 day fix for about about 4 days now and I feel better already! I think just giving my body some healthy food and drinking water (I drank pop constantly and never water), that I am slowly starting to turn things around. I feel for the first time in years, that there is HOPE! I can do this because I already am!

One day I got up, before one of my therapy appointments and posted this on Facebook. Something just urged me to do it and I am putting it on here so I can re-read it when I need to encourage myself or even if it may encourage someone else.

"Today, I am one month SMOKE FREE!
Just over a month ago I decided it was time to seek out some help with a problem that I have and always have had but that has gotten way out of control. Food addiction. Throw in the shift that I work with some underlying depression (probably mostly related to that shift) and some other things, and you have the equivalent to an alcoholic or drug addict. No one really understands unless they have been there. I am learning that there are far too many people who deal with the same problem but live with it in shame as I have been for years. Anyway, I am slowly climbing out of the hole that I have been in and making changes to a better ME! Getting really sick helped me to quit smoking, but regardless, I have stuck with it. I have rode around with that last cigarette in my car and it sits there. (Driving is the hardest time for me not to smoke!)

Getting ready to start the 21 day fix. I am going shopping for it tomorrow. I have decided ahead of time that if it does not work for me, I will still find what does. I am tired of living with shame for how I look, not wanting to go anywhere or have people see me out of embarrassment. It's a prison and it really sucks when you are the one who holds the key and can't seem to turn it. It just seems so stupid and weak to me. I know it's all for a reason.

No more shame. It is a powerful force.

Self-analyzation can drive you a little mad, but it's also catharctic.

I can't even begin to tell you how fortunate I am to have people who love me just the way I am and don't make me feel judged. I judge myself enough.

Look out. Quitting smoking is just the beginning. I am working on turning all of my trials into treasure!"

I got so many comments from people and I felt so loved and supported that I cried on and off for 2 days!

My therapist, after hearing what I had written and the comments made thus far, and through all of the tears, said, "I can see chains falling off of you." She also mentioned that when you live with the darkness, in secret, it has power over you, but once you bring it to the light, the darkness has to flee! That's what you did, by bringing it to the light." That all to me was a Divine word and I am still proclaiming it!! Years, YEARS I have not been able to get this under any control at all and I am doing it! I now completely understand what it is to have "strongholds" in your life and I finally feel something I haven't felt in soooo long, HOPE!

Member Since: 3/27/2007

Fitness Minutes: 2,971

My Goals:
Get down to 165 lbs and reward myself with a CRUISE!

My Program:
I am starting today to add the following vitamins/minerals to my diet. Per Dr. Roizen:

-Half of a multi-vitamin (with at least 500 IU of vitamin D) 1/2 in morning/ 1/2 in evening.
-600 mg of calcium
-200 mg of magnesium
-600 mg of omega-3 DHA
-162.5 mg of ASA a day

I have found out that my BMR is only 2560 and you are supposed to eat 500 calories less than that a day so knowing that:
-2060 Calories or less per day

I am going to use the tools that Spark has to bring on my success!

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Things I can do to help!
-Pray/meditate/speak verses out loud
-Exercise and record it
-Read books or on computer about weight loss
-Watch programs like Extreme Weight Loss
-Cook/bake something
-Clean/organize something
-Do something creative

Read More About GAYLEHOUSE - Profile Information moved here. (Updated April 15)

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