At 193 and at 305
Probably my worst picture ever :(
At a sorority event, around 295
I have 25 pics in my gallery
Believing I am worth it will lead to my freedom...
When I started out on this journey all I wanted to do was lose weight. I couldn’t stand being the fat girl, having clothes never fit, never being able to fit in a normal size seat, avoiding social situations, dreading summer and going to the beach, feeling as though every time I walked into a room I was being judged, having high blood pressure at the age of 23, and worst of all I was existing, not living. I woke up one day and saw the scale read 305 pounds. I didn’t cry like I thought I ...
When I started out on this journey all I wanted to do was lose weight. I couldn’t stand being the fat girl, having clothes never fit, never being able to fit in a normal size seat, avoiding social situations, dreading summer and going to the beach, feeling as though every time I walked into a room I was being judged, having high blood pressure at the age of 23, and worst of all I was existing, not living. I woke up one day and saw the scale read 305 pounds. I didn’t cry like I thought I would, I didn’t do much of anything actually, and the weeks carried on and I continued to ignore the obvious realization that I was killing myself. Then something clicked, I am not sure when or why but I realized that until I changed, nothing would change.
I began this journey slowly by just adjusting my food for the first month. I started to cut out fast food and soda, and anything else I knew was unhealthy. After that I began to research by reading various books. One of the best series of books is called “Eat This Not That”. After reading these books and finding out what exactly I was putting in my body I was horrified. I started to move away from processed foods completely and avoiding most restaurants. In the first month alone I lost 20 pounds.
Then came the hard part, going to the gym. I knew working out wasn’t going to be easy, but honestly the hardest part for me was actually walking into the gym. Yeah I had lost 20 lbs, but I was still 285 pounds and walking into a gym full of fit and healthy people. I was so ashamed and embarrassed that I let myself even get to the point I was at, and I was sure that every single person was judging me when I walked in. It took all the strength I had to walk into the gym that first day. I just put on my ipod and started to work out, I wouldn’t look up because if people were staring I couldn’t bare to see it. So every day for 2 months I would walk into the gym with my head down, run over to the cardio machines and leave the second I was done. I dropped another 25 pounds in these 2 months.
Then one day the personal training manager stopped me as I was walking in. He said he noticed that all I did was cardio and that strength training was a necessary part of weight loss and he would love to give me some free sessions. I was so nervous and embarrassed I wasn’t sure what to do, so I immediately said yes just so I could get him to stop talking to me. The next day when I went in for my session I was more self-conscious than ever. Here I was 260 lbs, in spandex having an in shape man watch me work out, if I ever wanted to be invisible it was then. Some how I got through the two sessions with him, then he talked me into buying a year long contract. I regretted it the whole way home wondering what I had gotten myself into. The next day I met my actual trainer, and we began our sessions. He too was an incredibly in shape man who talked to me about the recent body building competition that he had just won. I immediately became even more self-conscious and was wondering what this cocky guy, who took so much pride in his body thought about me. Nonetheless I continued on with the sessions even as self conscious as I was.
Since then I have dropped another 75 pounds for a total of 120 pounds. It’s been hard work, there have been struggles, a few injuries at the gym, a few days I got off track and swore I couldn’t keep going. But in the end I realized if I wanted my life to change, I had to keep up with the changes. I also realized that losing this weight is not only reshaping my body, but also my mind. I am stronger than I ever thought I was, more determined than I ever thought I could be, and happier than I ever imagined. I have also learned that people aren’t always judging me. When I finally started to lift my head up in the gym I started to see the same people every day and they immediately began to greet me with a smile and a hello. They were never judging me; I was the one judging them by assuming they wouldn’t accept me in the gym. And as far as my “cocky” trainer, he’s one of the nicest people I have ever met. He’s nothing but supportive, always keeps me motivated and is genuinely happy for me every time I drop more weight. I couldn’t have asked for a better trainer or a nicer person and I still feel guilty for judging him. Losing this weight is making me a better person in so many ways.
Every day I learn more about who I am and grow as a person. I feel like I am finally getting to know who I am with out using the weight as a crutch from life or as an excuse or security blanket. I know my weight loss journey isn’t over, far from it actually, but I also know I am strong enough to handle it and keep moving forward. When I began to lose this weight I told myself this is a life style change, this is forever. I am finally starting to live and I am so excited to see what life holds for me. The title of my page is “believing I am worth it will lead to my freedom”. Everyday when I wake up I tell myself this over and over and I finally truly believe it.
I currently work out 6-7 days a week and I absolutely love it. As far as diet goes I eat completely clean. My motto is, if it grows from a plant eat it and if it’s made in and plant, don’t. I also refrain from eating all white flower, white rice, and sugar. I eat about 5-6 times a day and each meal consists of a lean protein and a complex carbohydrate. While it does take some getting used to, I find eating his way helps the weight to come off very quickly.
I would love to help anyone who wants to change his or her life. If anyone has any questions about diet, exercise, motivation, or just needs advice please don’t hesitate to contact me. And I love getting comments or e-mails, it really makes my day to know I actually inspired someone. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. :)
Member Since: 10/10/2007
Fitness Minutes: 5,126
I want to get in shape, be healthy and happy.
Working out 5-7 days a week and following a clean diet.
I am located in central Jersey.
Every journey begins with one step