FORMENOW34   180
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Health - Wellness - Balance

Although my battle with the bulge did not start until my early 20's, I have always had issues with my body image. I hated my body when I was a size 4 weighing 120 pounds and I hate it even more now that I am a size 24 at 340 pounds. That being said, I am finally at a point in my life where I want to feel good about myself and achieve a state of health, wellness and balance.

Being obese is both physically and emotionally exhausting. Physically because I can no longer walk without ...
Although my battle with the bulge did not start until my early 20's, I have always had issues with my body image. I hated my body when I was a size 4 weighing 120 pounds and I hate it even more now that I am a size 24 at 340 pounds. That being said, I am finally at a point in my life where I want to feel good about myself and achieve a state of health, wellness and balance.

Being obese is both physically and emotionally exhausting. Physically because I can no longer walk without being winded, bend down to tie my shoes, or cross my legs and put on my socks. Emotionally because I fear ridicule from others whenever I am in public, I cry when I go shopping and cannot find clothes that fit me properly, and develop extreme anxiety when traveling because I am embarrassed asking for a seat belt extender on a plane or worry about encroaching on the passenger sitting next to me.

I have officially hit rock bottom recently. I am traveling to Mexico in 12 days with my boyfriend, and all of my thoughts about the trip are negative and weight related. Will I need to purchase a second seat on my United Flight? Will I be able to walk throughout the city without being too winded? Will I be able to climb the many stairs to the beach and at the pyramids? Will I find myself comparing myself to the skinny fit women in their bikinis as I sit in my plus size suit from Addition Elle? All of these negative thoughts fill my head when all my boyfriend wanted to do was take me to an area of the world he loves and show me a romantic time.

I am tired. I am tired of feeling physically and emotionaly exhausted. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself. I am tired of making excuses for my problem. I am tired of trying and trying and failing. I am tired of saying "things will be different tomorrow, next week, next month, next year." I am tired of hitting rock bottom, again and again and again.

So here I am trying once again. What's different this time? I can't say I haven't been here before. But what I know now is that it won't happen over night. It won't happen in a month or even a few months. I know that this is going to be a lifetime battle. I am not going to focus on being a certain size or weight, but rather focus on making healthy choices for myself every day that I have the privlege of being alive on this earth.
Read More About FORMENOW34 (Updated November 19)




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Member Since: 11/17/2012

SparkPoints: 180

Fitness Minutes: 105

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Member Comments:
BUTTERFIYEMERGE
11/23/2012 7:12:51 AM

I'm sooooo glad it's starting to feel more like muscle pain now. What a relief! Keep getting fit! It's showing! emoticon

Have a great day! You're off to a wonderful start. You know you're healthy!! You've had a super opinion from GREAT doctors!

~Cathy emoticon



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WETPTARMIGAN
11/20/2012 12:46:37 PM

Welcome to the Water Aerobics Team! Check our forums for questions and ideas to spark your workouts, and share yours with us. Join our goal and reward yourself for your consistency. And have fun!



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MUGGINS184
11/19/2012 1:05:06 PM

Heeeyyyyy! I'm here for you girlfriend! Lets have some fun with this :)



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MRE1956
11/19/2012 7:51:36 AM

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DUBLINROSE
11/19/2012 7:33:36 AM

Welcome back to SparkPeople emoticon Its not easy coming back again so well done, you've taken the first step!



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