DYINGTOLOSE1

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Watercolor Painting, "For Caleb"




Watercolor I did "Tea & Butter"


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I am learning that we all have the ability to make choices. Some days I will make the wrong choice but that is okay. If I am patient with myself & look for the small successes, give myself the needed "atta girl," then eventually I will succeed in a big way. I must learn to truly love myself by practicing control and empowering myself with my new found freedom from food.
Food has been my friend for a lifetime. Food was my Mother, my lover, my Father, my tranquilizer, my confidant, and my worst enemy. As with any loss I have been grieving the loss of this constant companion of mine that I am choosing to leave behind.
This friend, like so many others in my life, was not a friend at all, but an opportunist that has enslaved me for long enough. Today it stops! Today I am a whole person who does not need this twisted relationship any longer. I am sick and tired of allowing my wonderful body to be abused by this false friend! I deserve so much more than I have allowed myself to have.

12/1/2008 Rejoined SP.. It is TIME
New motto: Tomorrow starts TODAY
current weight: 260
goal weight: 250 by Jan 1
Big Goal: 140 by 12/1/2009

UPDATE: 01/02/2009 MUST RESET GOAL
Gained 3 lbs in addition to what I'd lost, up to 263
Goal: Resume plan, feel better, get back to walking
TOMORROW STARTS TODAY!
I will keep going until I finish this!

UPDATE: 01/30/2009 Day 5 on the SP diet. I have lost 10 pounds since I started my journey with Spark People. This is only the beginning!
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE!

CONTRACT FOR SUCCESS (my deal with MYSELF)

1. Get INTO WALKING and EXERCISE
This is a great place to "give in" when I am stressed out. By doing so I am doing something that GIVE ME POWER rather than allowing others to rob me of power by pushing me towards food.
2. ENJOY FOOD.
I've been mindlessly eating to shove down my feelings for so long that I'd forgotten *if I ever KNEW* that food is a pleasure to be enjoyed. FOOD IS NOT a therapist to scream to. FOOD IS NOT a drug to numb the senses.
FOOD IS A GIFT FROM GOD to nourish the body and sustain the spirit and should NEVER be abused.
3. DRINK PLENTY OF WATER.
I've been starving for so long that I'd forgotten what thirst was. I will drink water each day to prevent thirst/starvation.
4. EAT BREAKFAST EACH DAY.
This prevents the raging hunger I experience in the afternoons/evenings.
5. GET ENOUGH SLEEP.
Sleep deprivation can actually cause hallucinations and death. We all NEED SLEEP for our minds/bodies to function properly. I will get in bed each night at a reasonable hour.

MOST IMPORTANTLY I WILL STOP:

S= Stop wrong behavior immediately upon realization.
T= Turn to a positive behavior (ex. exercise, drink water)
O= Overcome self-defeating inner talk by reinforcing positive accomplishments
P= Pardon & Project (Pardon myself for error, project myself forward toward my goals)


Member Since: 12/9/2008

Fitness Minutes: 840

My Goals:
I'm determined to get my blood sugar under control. I am also working on drinking at least 8 cups of water daily and getting into a regular exercise routine. Another thing is I am trying to get more sleep. I know that is so important in the battle to lose weight.


My Program:
I am a Spark People Diet convert. The diet on here is GREAT! I don't feel deprived and it is working!

I have 2 types of arthritis, fibromylgia and numerous health problems. I am restarting my exercise plan slowly, at a pace I can build on and more importantly, STICK WITH!
If I can do this, ANYBODY CAN!
JUST START with SOME sort of activity, ...TODAY :)



Personal Information:
I'm a 40 something (47) year old from Western NC. I am a stay-at-home, homeschool Mom to my remaining 3 children.


Other Information:
I love Jane Austin movies and arts and crafts. I am a student of the Hebrew and Greek scriptures as well.




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