It has been an amazing two years with SparkPeople! As my anniversary has passed on 4/21/2009 I am finding that even at 50+ years of age, I'm still working on finding who I am...! It's such a process. I recently came across a song others here at SparkPeople might appreciate. As I listened to it I was overwhelmed with grief and excitement all at once: it captured my ongoing struggles so WELL! The parts of me that I've held back throughout my life, yet freeing so much potential NOW in my life for ...

It has been an amazing two years with SparkPeople! As my anniversary has passed on 4/21/2009 I am finding that even at 50+ years of age, I'm still working on finding who I am...! It's such a process. I recently came across a song others here at SparkPeople might appreciate. As I listened to it I was overwhelmed with grief and excitement all at once: it captured my ongoing struggles so WELL! The parts of me that I've held back throughout my life, yet freeing so much potential NOW in my life for doing things that either were not possible before or that I would not allow myself to do.

Somebody actually KNEW what I was going through!

Without my weight, both literal and psychological, it's time for me to realize that it is truly safe to come out into the world and be as genuine and true to myself as I can. I've always so heavily censored myself in the past, especially the more child-like, fun-loving, spontaneous part of myself. Always out of poor self-esteem...fat boys can't be carefree, must always be on the lookout for ways to be acceptable to others! Because I certainly wasn't acceptable just as I was, without conditions...

My savings grace was that there was always a voice inside that held onto all the experiences I wouldn't allow myself to express. As a child, when I spent my summers living a block away from Lake Michigan, I used to LIVE in the lake. My weight wasn't a handicap in the water! I would swim for hours at a time, as far out from the shore as I could. Resting while floating on my back, mostly oblivious of the lifeguards and their attempts to whistle me back closer to the shore. I would swim far out beyond the buoys marking the swimming area feeling as free and fun-loving as a child could be. I'm trying my best to re-visit and celebrate this child.

I can't remember when a song has shaken me so much! Really opened my eyes to what I've been working on UNDERNEATH all the weight loss and healthy lifestyle pursuits! It's beginning to dawn on me that so many things I've censored from my life I can now pursue if I choose.

So this song has become my new mantra...beyond losing weight and living a healthy lifestyle, I am going to do my best to be...

Alive In The World
by Jackson Browne, Solo Acoustic Volume 2
http://tinyurl.com/onj7g4

I want to live in the world,
not inside my head
I want to live in the world,
I want to stand and be counted
With the hopeful and the willing
With the open and the strong
With the voices in the darkness
Fashioning daylight out of song
And the millions of lovers
Alive in the world

I want to live in the world,
not behind some wall
I want to live in the world,
where I will hear if another voice should call
To the prisoner inside me
To the captive of my doubt
Who among his fantasies harbors
the dream of breaking out
And taking his chances
Alive in the world

To open my eyes and wake up alive in the world
To open my eyes and fully arrive in the world

With its beauty and its cruelty
With its heartbreak and its joy
With it constantly giving birth to life
and to forces that destroy
And the infinite power of change
Alive in the world

To open my eyes and wake up alive in the world
To open my eyes and fully arrive in the world
To open my eyes and wake up alive in the world
To open my eyes and fully arrive in the world

Here's an Amazon link to download the mp3 of this song for 99 cents!
www.amazon.com/Alive-In-The-World-Album/
dp
/B0015FSMZE/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=dmusi
c&qid=1207778908&sr=1-2

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