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I've always thought I was overweight. In highschool when all the other girls weighed 100 pounds, I was 136. Now, when I look back I can see I wasn't overweight. But, I thought I was because I compared myself to everyone else. After highschool I pursued my music, which entailed being in a band and I got much of my identity from that. When I was 27, I decided I wanted a baby, and my husband and I decided that life was not good to bring up a child. So, I quit the band and had a son.
I sort of lost myself then. I gained a lot of weight with my son....and I could never quite loose it. In my case, if you don't loose weight...you gain it. My sister died when she was 46 and I was 49. When that happened, I realized I had a lot of unresolved issues. I also realized that life was passing me by and I wasn't doing anything with it. I made the decision to start back to college and to stop trying to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I lost 40 pounds. The only thing I did was give up my sweetened 2 liter per day of Pepsi.
That was 3 years ago. I have stopped and started Weight Watchers 3 times. I keep losing the same 10 pounds and gaining it back. I'm a substitute teacher now and the economy has caused that well to dry up so that I haven't worked as much this year as last. I have decided not to take any summer classes, and just concentrate on myself. I won't let anyone take pictures because I hate the way I look. I don't see myself that way until I see a picture. Recently, and old classmate got in touch and wanted pictures. I won't sent them. I feel like I'm automatically being judged without a chance for my personality to shine. I'm tired of being ashamed of the condition I have allowed myself to get in. I will loose weight. I will get on the elliptical at least three times per week. I can do this!!
I guess my main goal is to get myself 'back'. I don't look or even feel like myself anymore. My first big goal is to get under 200 pounds. I am 5'3" and it would help the way I feel physically as well as emotionally.
My basic plan of action is to stay within my caloric intake set for me on Sparks and I'm trying to do 30-50 minutes of exercise everyday. Although portion control is hard for me, the hardest is the exercise. I am determined to do something everyday, which is more than I was doing.
My name is Cindy. I am 52 years old. I am trying to finish my college degree and work as a substitute teacher. I have worked most of my life in the music field. I am going through a mid-life crisis and want to feel well enough to do some things on my life list.
I have been trying to become a writer. I work on it every day. I loved the "Twilight" books, which surprised me. I love Nora Roberts, Sandra Brown and Janet Evanovich books. I am also an amature quilter and crafter.
Secrets of Success
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| current weight: 245.0
Good afternoon! Just stopping by to say hey!
Hope you have a great week!
2676 days ago
Hi, I don't like to exercise either (the dreaded E-Word!)...I can control my eating most of the time but I really need to exercise more. I am running around at work all day and don't feel like exercising at night but I keep trying . I usually feel better tho when I do, especially strength training.
I like to read Janet Evanovich too and also Dick Francis, Maeve Binchy and Michael Connolly. I suck at crafts. Keep on keepin on and good luck!
2755 days ago
Just read your introduction and man can I relate to that (except, I had 4 kids and got like 25 pounds with each one; the rest I got from myself:). And I too have thought I was fat in school (those twiggy Woodstock-like years did the disaster, and even my mother who's never had a problem with weight always gave me a hard time because I was "fat") - now I look at those picutres (the rare I did not destroy in my rage) and I see a perfectly normal girl quite well trained because I was always in some sort of sports just for fun.
And then, I always felt like no-one needed to know how much I weighed and I still object to pictures being taken of me. But recently (well actually with applying at SP) I decided that I have been playing hide and seek too long. So, I'm showing my colors now and who does not like me - oh well too bad (for them). Liberating, I can tell you.
2773 days ago
Hey Cindy, thanks for visiting my blog. Yes, I hear you! No, I won't quit because of a bad day and some pizza! SP is too much fun and even the prospect to weigh 40 pounds less in 4 years is better than weighing 30 pounds more in a year (and that was where I was heading for sure!)
2773 days ago
Spandex?!?!?!?! I don't think I will EVER wear that again. And heavy metal besides?!?!? WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck on both of those. I love to sing also, but can only say that I sing in our church band at this point. You are a wild woman, you go girl!!!!
2786 days ago