Before and After RNY, 44 weeks 3.15.11 Minus 101.6 lbs!
My happy kiddos; Jan 2011
Cassius & Caitlin Sept 2010
Shared Food & Fitness Trackers
CARLARP77 is a SparkPeople Motivator!
Hey! Thanks for stopping by. My name is Carla. I hope that I can help or be an inspiration to others on this journey. Let me just tell you that there is HOPE! Youíre gonna see the SUN again! We can do this together! We are Sparks, people. Get energized and help energize others! Drop me a comment - I love the encouragement! I lost a total of 80 pounds and you can read about my journey, below.
**UPDATE** Child #2 born at the end of April 2009. On Maternity Leave, but making my days count. Will start back full time in a very short while.
I've made quite a few changes in my life and have so far lost 80 pounds! I'm overcoming obstacles and remembering to be good to myself. I'm continuously learning from any available resource, which includes many many wonderful things here on Spark. And whatís more? Iím committed to making my life into what I believe I deserve: happy, healthy and full of inner beauty.
When I was at my biggest (260), after the birth of my daughter, I felt horrible about myself. It affected every area of my life. I had a terrible attitude in general. I was quick to anger and had no sense of humor. I cried at any moment when I felt the weight of the world. I felt unable to handle the simplest of tasks due to lack of motivation. I couldnít get motivated for anything! There just didnít seem to be a silver lining in anything.
I was abusive to myself, mentally, physically and emotionally. I daily told myself how unworthy of love I was. I told myself that I didnít deserve to feel good about myself because, ďWell, look at me!Ē I pushed people away from me, trying to isolate, while only keeping myself repressed. I turned back to food, like so many people do, compounding the issues. I made excuses, like ďIím still breastfeedingĒ in order to binge and ďI donít have the time to exercise.Ē
Journal entry date 12/16/05: ďI hate that I look like this. I hate the way I feel when I eat something I know I shouldnít. I hate not having any clothes that fit. All that do are my ďbig girlĒ clothes that I wish would cover my belly. Iím so ashamed of myself. And yet I STILL wonít do anything about it. I daydream about being thin and yet in real life, I hope NO ONE sees me. But everyone does. I am now one of those fat people. I can no longer look at myself and feel good.Ē
Journal entry date 12/27/05: ďWe fought last night. He ends up saying something to the effect of there being something wrong with me. And there IS something wrong with me! Iím FAT! Iím depressed about my weight and the fact that I canít seem to stop eating and that Iím binging and that my milk is drying up and that Iím exhausted all the time and the fact that there arenít enough hours in the day, and the fact that I canít go running on Brookside anymore, and that I severely dislike pumping Ė And I feel guilty that my overeating may have caused my daughterís injury. And the fact that I look horrible and none of my clothes fit anymore and Iím FAT. I donít feel like being intimate. I hate the way I look Ė and the fact that my milk is drying up. And that I donít ever feel like exercising. That I sit at home Ė night after night, watching the boob-tube on my fat butt. Night after night.Ē
It was then that I decided to change.
Reading back over my journal entries during that period of my life is like looking at a different woman who is just so dark and unhappy. It makes me sad. I feel sorry for her, and just want to shake her and wake her up! I want to give her hope!
I know youíve heard before that life is full of decisions. And it truly is. True changes only happen when YOU decide to make them happen. Itís up to you to do it. Itís up to you to get tired of being sick and tired. Itís up to you to figure out your motivation for making the important changes in life. Some people have an external motivator, like a daughterís wedding or last summerís photo of them in their bathing suit. For me, it was an internal thing: A desire to be happy, healthy and full of light instead of that darkness. I couldnít live with the depression anymore! A switch was flipped somewhere inside me that wouldnít allow my life to continue in the direction it was going. So, one by one, I started facing the excuses.
And itís been hard. Iím not going to lie. Itís taken years, so far, from that moment to this. Itís taken numerous challenges to overcome and obstacles to face. Its taken set-backs and flat out hard falls. Iíve had to search for motivation from time to time. Iíve had to wake up before the chickens to exercise and say no to food, when my heart yearns and begs for it. Iíve had to cry in frustration when I found myself up twenty pounds (again). But the one thing thatís stayed consistent throughout all of it was a commitment to stick to that decision for my life. There is no other option for me. I will do it. No matter how many times I worry, stumble or fall Ė I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON MYSELF! I just canít. Itís the ONLY thing that I canít do.
Now that Iíve lost 80 pounds, let me just say that itís starting to get easier. Thereís a certain peace beginning to take shape in my life. I recognize it, almost as a tangible thing. I feel like itís touching me, like the sun that peaks through a cloud, warming my skin. I have a sense of pride in myself. My accomplishments are mounting. Self-esteem is rising. Thereís a glow, an inner beauty forming. Motivation to exercise comes from the jeans Iím wearing, that I once thought Iíd never get into again. Candy in the break room doesnít seem as appealing as what I saw when I looked at myself in the mirror. I feel beautiful, inside and out and itís beginning to show. The light is beginning to shine!
Iím now thankful for an incredibly good life. Iíve been blessed with an adoring and wonderful husband and a beautiful, loving daughter. I enjoy being part of a great faith-based community Ė where my family is actively involved. Iím charitable and loving. Iím a good leader. Iím smart and sometimes witty. I am a great friend. I am determined.
I still have 20 pounds to go until Iím at my final goal weight. But the process doesnít seem so daunting anymore. In fact, itís just the opposite! The more I lose, the more I want to keep going. The more energized I become, the more I want to spread that energizing spark to other people. There are so many hurting people in this world, feeling like they have to live in the darkness. You donít have to! You CAN choose to change! Today, make the decision! If I can do it, you can, too! We can do this together! Come on, SPARKPEOPLE, letís SPARK!
Help motivate people to lose weight and get fit.
Tell myself something that I love about myself, every day.
The healthy way! Tracking daily food diary and attempt to stay within goal ranges.
Cardio 5 to 6 times a week at least 45 minutes a day. (Currently, attending Jazzercise class at 5:50 A.M. every weekday)
Strength training 2 to 3 times a week.
I think it's interesting that the more weight you lose, the more appealing salads and strength training become. :)
ďThere's a difference between interest and committed. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results.Ē ~Kenneth Blanchard
I live in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I am 31 years old. I am married to the man of my dreams and so far, we only have 2 children. A daughter and a son. I work a full-time job in the telecommunications industry. I have a Finance degree. I love to read and often do so while I'm on the treadmill or exercise bike. I also like to write fiction and would love more than anything to get published some day.
For me, exercise is key. When I'm feeling fit, no matter what I weigh, I always feel better. It must be those endorphins!
I never regret having exercised, but I always regret it when I don't.
| current weight: 161.0