CALLIKIA   23,940
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20,000-24,999 SparkPoints
 
 
May 2014










September 2012 - I wish I knew how good I had it...I need to get back to this!



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When Life Hands You Lemons

I miss 2012. But we can't turn back time, can we?

The low down dirty truth: I'm a 30-something woman in a rocky marriage with a pre-teen, a teenager, and a teenage foreign exchange student living under one roof. I work a pretty mentally demanding job that is actually temporary seeing as it's funded by a federal grant which likely will not be continued or expanded under the next administration. In addition to that job, which often sends me to the six corners of the state of West ...
I miss 2012. But we can't turn back time, can we?

The low down dirty truth: I'm a 30-something woman in a rocky marriage with a pre-teen, a teenager, and a teenage foreign exchange student living under one roof. I work a pretty mentally demanding job that is actually temporary seeing as it's funded by a federal grant which likely will not be continued or expanded under the next administration. In addition to that job, which often sends me to the six corners of the state of West Virginia, I own and operate a portrait photography business evenings and weekends. The business is a year old and, like me, is also struggling.

Is it really any wonder I'm back where I started?

The "FitFat" journey runs thusly:
I've been big since the age of 5. Rocky family life. Lots of bad memories. I still have a mom, though, so that's good. Was not a fan of school but was mentally able to skip a little and still get by with As and Bs. Had children super young. Got married. Hated life a bit. Ended up tipping the scales at 466.6 while looking into gastric bypass surgery.

Surgery was a no-go. That was about the time insurance companies started to get all paniky about it and mine dropped my pursuit just as I was nearing the finish line. I set out on my own and dropped myself down to 300 on the nose and found myself unable to break that barrier into the 200s no matter how hard I worked, how little I ate, how dedicated I was.

I tried to refocus on fitness instead of the scale. I was running. Hitting the gym hard 6 days a week for at least 40 minutes each day. Lifting heavy. Running 5ks every weekend. A friend mentioned training together for a half-marathon. I blew out my foot with PF and could barely manage a walk. My hips ached from a tilted pelvis. I saw the chiro regularly and just kept going - determined. I backed off Zumba (which I loved), and the elliptical and finally had to give up running. The PF and my hips were in too much pain. I started lifting more. Low impact, high gains, right? I carb cycled and ate right and lifted and inched my way to that little 300 mark. When that hurt too much, I got in the pool. I worked my way to swimming a mile. Somehow my feet and hips were severely pained by those motions as well.

What have I been left with? It's been 2 years since I hit the gym hard. Two years of hip pain and foot pain. The PF switched from my right foot to my left foot last year. I still get muscle cramping and spasms in both legs. My weight is back up to 444 or so. It's not looking good.

So, here I am. Facing the fact that I failed. That, once again, right there at the finish line I got dropped on my @$$ pretty hard. My headspace is a mess. My life is a mess. And all I want is to one day be able to walk a mile without having to spend the next 3 days recovering. I want to get back to my "fat" 300 pounds. I want to see the 200s some day before I shuffle off this mortal coil. I have ZERO clue how I'm going to get there...with little money or time to devote to my efforts...but trying feels better in the heart than not trying.
Read More About CALLIKIA (Updated October 22)


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 current weight: 460.0 
 
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Member Since: 4/18/2010

SparkPoints: 23,940

Fitness Minutes: 25,586

My Goals:
Log.
Move.
Breathe.
Smile.
Don't Give Up.

My Program:
See above.

Personal Information:
Esther. 33. In WV. Wife. Two beautiful boys - Logan (15) and Ethan (12). Two dogs (Joey and Champ) and one cat ("Tiggy"). And one shy 17 year old from Japan.

Other Information:
Love to read, write, take photographs and watch great films. Love music I can sing to and that fits my mood. And I *LOVE* the outdoors!

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Member Comments:
PLB0217
1/6/2015 8:39:03 AM

emoticon I hope your day is a groovy one!! emoticon



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JIBBIE49
1/6/2015 12:03:49 AM

emoticon Happy Birthday, DONE GIRL


The symbol of Capricorn is the Goat. Capricorn is associated with the harshness of winter and its stark realities.
Capricorn can have health issues with the knees and also headaches, often because of to much stress. The Capricorn child is "old when young" and given a great deal of responsibility, so she/he gets little time to be "just a child." Capricorn learns to be frugal with money, especially after marriage.
Capricorn is not a fat sign, because she cares so much about how she appears to others and wants to set an example for others to follow, but if she is emotionally unhappy, she can turn to food for comfort and have a weight issue. She does have all the willpower you could want when it comes to turning herself into the person she wants to be, and she will "cheat" on her diet by eating to little rather than to much.
In Capricorn, the Sun is strongly goal-directed and persistent. Ambitious, serious and dedicated to duty, life is difficult, but you are the type of person who will triumph and achieve success. Your aptitude to persevere, no matter how difficult the road, sets you apart from most of your peers. You are anxious to climb the ladder of fortune, and you can usually reach your goals because of your sense of the right way of doing everything. Your patience is never ending.
You are a very thoughtful and serious person, thinking everything through carefully before you set off in any direction. You possess excellent reasoning skills, and you can be counted on to select options that are both practical and that provide an economic advantage. Your attitude is conservative; conservative with time, money, and all other resources. Your philosophy is waste not, want not. You are also likely to be conservative in your political and social attitudes, although your age, upbringing, and education perspectives may influence this somewhat.
You are especially well suited to business and government because of your sense of organization and structure. You combine a talent for management with an ability to carry out instructions with care. You are the quintessential careerist, taking job and duties very seriously. Therefore, you are never one to shirk responsibility and you have very little use for those that do. That which matters most to you is your public image. You show your best face to the public. You enjoy being in a position of power and authority, although you are not very much inclined to enjoy the limelight. You may prefer instead to run your business from an isolated perspective. You are loyal and dedicated, and you demand utter loyalty and dedication from subordinates. Advancing up the ladder of success is all important. You are unconcerned about, sometimes even ruthless toward, those getting in your path as you move upward.
You don't handle chaotic situations very well. You may need to develop the ability to lighten up a little and not take life, and everything else so seriously. Although you are self-disciplined, responsible, and practical, at times you can wallow in self-pity. It's essential for you to remember that your most important asset is self-esteem, and you should never devalue this. Rigidity and fear of change may be your biggest stumbling block.
Sober and reserved in your dealings with others, it takes you a good while to warm up enough to anyone to be considered a close friend. Yet once you do, you are a very caring, reliable, and most steadfast ally. Your private side is different from your public side. In private you are shy and sensitive. The harshness of your public image disappears. Emotionally demanding relationships are very difficult. Love relationships may be more like business relationships, and you are unsure of yourself in most intimate situations.



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SHELLE13
1/5/2015 11:24:12 PM

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Happy Birthday, Done Girl! Hope you have a wonderful day and all the best for the year ahead! Woot woot!
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WALLAHALLA
1/1/2015 4:12:57 PM

New year comes to give us a fresh hope,
For a better future and success
New Year gives us dreams for that
We will face challenges with confidence
On this new year may your dreams and hopes
Succeed with the blessings of God
Happy New Year and Seasons greetings
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WALLAHALLA
12/25/2014 5:13:25 PM

With Godís will and blessings,
May you reach new goals of life,
May you reach your destination,
And be successful in all your endeavors,
Stay blessed this Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
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