My name is Esther. I'm 32 years old, married, with 2 boys. I work full-time in the public sector and work the rest of the time on bettering myself. I was one of those "fat all my life" kind of girls, but I don't live that way now.

I started my "journey" (hate that word) in 2004 at 466.6 pounds. I worked my arse off and brought myself out of a deep depression and a basically bed-ridden lifestyle using Walk Away the Pounds, Tae Bo, and whatever other workouts I could manage to do ...

My name is Esther. I'm 32 years old, married, with 2 boys. I work full-time in the public sector and work the rest of the time on bettering myself. I was one of those "fat all my life" kind of girls, but I don't live that way now.

I started my "journey" (hate that word) in 2004 at 466.6 pounds. I worked my arse off and brought myself out of a deep depression and a basically bed-ridden lifestyle using Walk Away the Pounds, Tae Bo, and whatever other workouts I could manage to do while consuming around 1600 calories. I cut out pop from my diet and started drinking 8 glasses of water a day. It took me a little over a year to lose 100 pounds, the last 20 being the hardest and eventually never really going away.

And then things got really hard. I moved to a new state, got my first real job (where I still am today) and had to readapt myself from city/suburb life to rural life in the hills of WV. I stayed around 380 for a long time, and then I let a few old habits creep back in and stopped paying so much attention to the scale. I went back to school and, even while working full-time and working part-time at a local paper, managed full-time courses landing myself on the Dean's List each and every semester.

In April 2010, I decided I had a handle on my new life. I was getting ready to graduate and was ready to take control of my life again. I researched calorie counting sites and figured I'd see if there was any way to start my fight over again. I didn't start out with the thought that "This is it!" or anything of the sort. Just the quiet notion to try again. I stepped back on the scale and found myself at 416.2 on my first day at SP.

In 2010, I caught the Spark pretty quickly. I lost 85 pounds and dropped nearly 55 inches from my body. I went from a size 32 pant size to a size 24/26. I began walking, then running a bit, and completed 4 races - 3 5ks and a 10k - with family, friends, and even some Spark friends. I logged more than 106 miles and 11k fitness minutes and took up tennis, boxing, Zumba, line dancing, and even tried pilates (which my body HATES).

In 2011, things started to get a little tricky. My weight loss slowed down to a crawl and then just stalled out there at the end. I wasn't seeing the success I was the previous year and starting acquiring injury after injury from my attempts to push my body when it simply wanted a break. I had labeled the year my "Year of Adventures" but it should have been labeled my "Year of Injuries" as I discovered new problems with my pelvis, hips, back, and knees. I developed PF soon after deciding that I really wanted to run a half marathon with a friend of mine and my dreams of running were dashed on the rocks right after my victory of running my first ever mile straight, then 2 miles, followed by 3, 4, and even 5. I spent the majority of my time either in the gym or in the chiropractor or physical therapists office, but I never once gave up. I kept eating healthier and healthier, eliminating the majority of processed foods and decreasing the times I enjoyed eating out with the family in favor of trying to cook healthy meals at home. Still, I ended the year having lost another 24 pounds and another 7 1/2 inches from my body. I lost one more pants/dress size and logged 223 miles. I took some boxing lessons, which I really liked (and totally miss!) and traveled to Minnesota to do a 7k with some Spark friends. Most of my races that year ended up hurting my self-confidence and made me feel more like a failure than a success. I struggled with a family that didn't understand me and didn't seem to care to and tried to find myself in a world where I felt completely unsuccessful after being turned down for every grad school and having my weight loss efforts stalled. By November, I stopped losing weight and started my plateau...

...which I remain on to this day.

Ever wondered what a plateau looks like? Here you go:

Jan 2012: 306.4
Feb 2012: 302.6
Mar 2012: 306.0 (#&%#!!!)
Apr 2012: 300.6
May 2012: Somewhere between 303 and 298 I suspect..
June 2012: 309.8
July 2012: 309.8 *sigh*

Right now I'm still working out and eating healthy. I've adopted a mostly Paelo eating lifestyle as it seems to have solved a lot of my stomach/digestion issues. For those wondering, it means I've dropped most of the dairy and grains from my diet. I don't eat a lot of breads and pastas, but I still get carbs from fresh fruits and veggies. Beans are rarely in my diet, and other than my morning creamer in my coffee, I've said goodbye to most consumption of cow's milk and cheese. But note that I said MOSTLY Paleo. Because I still have those things if I want them, they're just not on my go-to list any longer. I don't think I could ever cut out an entire food group from my diet forever and I honestly think this is a curse of many people's diets - it's fad dieting and, for most of us, it doesn't work.

I've taken up swimming as it seems to upset my back/hip/pelvis/knee issues the least. I'm currently working on the 0 to 1650 program in an attempt to be able to swim a mile without stopping. I also try to keep up on my ST because I fully believe that girls can lift heavy things and SHOULD.

But...

...I still have 70 pounds to lose to get to my first goal of 230 pounds and 140 to reach a "healthy" weight range.

Please note, I cannot be anyone's inspiration if they don't understand first the following:

- I hate my body right now. And you can't change that about me. Losing weight has made my body shrink in strange, undesirable ways and I often wish I could cut myself off at the waist so no one ever has to see the rest of me.

- I get frustrated. A LOT. A plateau this long will lead anyone to frustration. I've tried upping my calories and lowering them. I've tried only ST/lifting. I've tried only cardio. I've tried a blend of both. I've tried weeks and weeks of low to moderate exercise. I've tried weeks of pushing myself to 2 hour workouts nearly every day. So far, I get about 3 weeks of success before I gain again and feel that sting of a slap on my face.

- I haven't "given up". Please understand, I'm not going to start sitting around eating Twinkies and Ho-Hos just because my weight isn't budging. (Though I did try eating whatever I wanted for 2 weeks to "level off" my metabolism.) I've accepted the fact that my metabolism SUCKS and hates me and doesn't want to work any more for me. I don't know if there is any hope of me ever pulling out of this, but it doesn't mean I'm giving up my healthy dinners and kickbutt workouts.

- My one and only goal right now is to be and stay firmly under 300 pounds. And once I get there, it will be to continue to move downward on the scale. You can tell me to ignore the scale - I've tried. But there are weight limits in the world that keep me from doing what I want, no matter how "athletic" my heart is (my resting HR is around 55 bpm) or how healthy my BP is (usually around 120/80). Yes, I am healthy. Yes, I am happy about that. But I'm not losing weight any more and the inches I have lost...well, they aren't helping me feel ANY better about my body right now.

*****************
Highest Weight: 466.6
SP Starting Weight: 416.2
End of 2010: 330.8
End of 2011: 306.4
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Read More About CALLIKIA (Updated January 11)

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