CAKEFORBFAST   18,804
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15,000-19,999 SparkPoints
 
 
01/13 - approx. weight: 136 - my love





01/13 - approx. weight: 136 - thank you Bikram Yoga





01/13 - approx. weight: 136 - holy crap, this is happening!



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Having my cake; eating it too

My name is Helen and I'm a college graduate living in Portland, Oregon. I'm a Montessori primary teacher and in the summer time, I work for a youth travel company in India.

In 2009, I went to India with my college and came back very skinny. The semester after that I wrote my thesis and ate a lot of chips. I put on a good 20 pounds proof-reading alone. And that was just in 2010. After graduating that spring, I proceeded to drink tons of wine and eat the cupcakes from the shop where ...
My name is Helen and I'm a college graduate living in Portland, Oregon. I'm a Montessori primary teacher and in the summer time, I work for a youth travel company in India.

In 2009, I went to India with my college and came back very skinny. The semester after that I wrote my thesis and ate a lot of chips. I put on a good 20 pounds proof-reading alone. And that was just in 2010. After graduating that spring, I proceeded to drink tons of wine and eat the cupcakes from the shop where I worked and all of the sudden I was 180lbs.

But now all my favorite clothes don't fit and I'm fighting body image shame. I want to wear my tutu without feeling uncomfortable, and I want to be naked with my boyfriend without thinking about the way my belly hangs.

I've been with Spark since 2006, through thick and thin. Sometimes I've posted daily and used this site like my own personal holy text, and I've also gone months without even checking in. But I know it's been useful for me before, so let's do this again, Spark. Let's do it.

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I used to have a long schpeel about how I've struggled with weight loss and eating disorders for a long time, but looking at it every time I come to this page had become really depressing. I feel that those negative memories have made me resentful toward conventional efforts at creating a more healthy lifestyle. So, I have deleted all of that, and if you'd like to know more about my sorted history with weight loss and eating disorders, please feel free to just ask.
Read More About CAKEFORBFAST (Updated February 25)




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My Ticker:

 current weight: 144.5 
 
183
169.75
156.5
143.25
130


 
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Member Since: 10/6/2006

SparkPoints: 18,804

Fitness Minutes: 17,550

My Goals:
130lbs has been my weight goal for 10 years - since the first time I tried to lose weight at 14. Now I am so close; I will be there so soon. This is the least I've weighed post-puberty. The last time I remember being 130lbs, I think I was 10, and I remember being devastated. But that is behind me now.

I feel like none of this is real. Who is this woman? She can't wait to wear a bathing suit. She fits into a size 6. She is confident; she feels beautiful. She is strong in so many ways now. This burden of shame over my body is gone, because I've taken initiative and taken myself where I want to be.

My goal now, and when I reach 130, is to keep attention on my body. I aim not to become so contented that I begin to ignore my body and its needs and ultimately begin to gain back the weight I've worked so hard to lose.

This is who I am now.

My Program:
Monitor eating daily

Bikram Yoga 5x/week

Keep attention on my body

Maintain

Stay positive

Personal Information:
Coast to Coast to Coast.


Other Information:
My Favorite Bands:
- Elliott Smith
- The Black Keys
- Led Zeppelin
- The Beatles
- The Pixies
- Franz Ferdinand
- Sufjan Stevens
- Devendra Banhart
- The White Stripes
- The Raconteurs
- The Smiths
- Of Montreal
- The Avett Brothers
- Camera Obscura


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Member Comments:
MARTYRED4LOVE
2/6/2013 4:21:46 AM

Thanks for your comment (you left it about a year ago, but I've been pretty inactive from SP.) Congrats on your loss! You look great.



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MEW321
3/22/2012 8:26:52 AM

Eeeee just got a rush of excitement for this summer!! Its 82 here today, I seriously can't wait to enjoy some nice summer weather with you :)



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MEW321
3/4/2012 6:30:41 PM

Are you still sick? Don't give up sparking!! emoticon



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MEW321
2/29/2012 8:36:43 PM

emoticon You're about halfway there, keep it up!! Proud of you.



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LABASHEEDA1014
10/12/2011 9:06:27 AM

Look who's back! Yay! I saw you updated your photos (India? Awesome!).



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