My grandkids...Helen and Trent
Alani, my newest grandbaby!
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I am 54 years old and single. I raised my two daughters mostly by myself and now they are grown and gone. I live in Taos, NM which is a lovely place to live. I grew up in Portland, Oregon and raised my daughters there. I have had many years of illness and a car accident two years ago which resulted in knee surgery. With anothre knee surgery coming up in Octorber. I still have numb toes from time to time and some kind of nerve involvement that we are attempting to locate.
Okay, I have been in Sparks for over a year now. I have had a few challenges of a personal nature. I mentioned them in my blog. But after checking out more pages I can see that I haven't really said much about myself.
I was always a sickly person, and believe it or not often too skinny until after I had my daughters. Then I had this body that I just didn't know what to do with, I had boobs and hips and kind of liked that. But having been a sickly person I also had times of being very ill and in the hospital a lot and times when I was feeling pretty good and I would workout and eat well. Between that and the side effects of some meds my body became a yoyo in the process. I know I can pick apart all I have written and see the dysfunction woven within the words and the addict-like behaviors. And believe me I do.
There were a few milestone health issues. Places where I fell into the pits of dispair and physical/emotional/spiritual hopelessness. I was blind at the age of 23 due to cataracts, that lasted for nearly a year. When my first daughter was born I couldn't see her or anything at the time my eyes had become so overgrown with the fog-like presense of the cataracts. Fortunately, there is surgery for issues like that and by the time she was about 5-6 months old I could see her with my right eye.
The other major milestone was a near death experience when I was 28 years old. This was after many, many hospitilzations for asthma, then I had septic pneumonia. I learned a lot from that experience.
As my daughters grew and my marriage fell apart and I went into recovery I found that my body became more comfortable with extra weight and maybe just a little numb because recovery lead to memories and those memories weren't always of the happy, safe childhood I thought I had.
So I would do my inner work and I would eat on the bad days and I would eat when I didn't feel good and I would eat because some of the meds I was taking required I eat in order to take them. The flip side of this is that I would often not eat for those very same reasons. So my weight would fluctuate constantly. And the truth was I was too out of touch with myself and my body to really notice. I was always being put on a special diet of some kind which let to a pattern of 'being good' and then 'cheating' when there was not time to cook a special meal.
I had severe allergies, got sick all the time (and yes, I believe there is an emotional componet to my getting sick although that is not the only factor). I lost a job because my doctor told me to go on disablity, he said the cigarette and cigar smoke in the sales finance office I worked in was killing me in. Yep, that was back in the days when people smoked in the office. So I went back to school. (I didn't win the law suit for the disablity, but smoking in the work place in Oregon was outlawed a few years later).
I raised my daughters, went to school part time 'forever' and worked what jobs I could while getting some help finacially. Then I earned my MA in Counseling Psychology because all I have ever wanted to do was help people and I kept meeting women like myself who needed help to recover from their own dysfunctional family situations.
I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia in the late 90's so I went back to school to earn my Ph.D. in Depth Psychology. (I know I am weird that way, I would do things like that to prove to myself that I wasn't really sick) I am still helping people, I love helping people become more aware of their place in the world, i.e. aware. I help people understand how the psyche speaks to them through dream, metaphor, body, etc. I find my work exciting and regard it as a calling.
My car accident two years ago had me referred to another MD and the diagnosis of Lyme's disease (after a couple years of being misdiagnosed with porphyria) and Celiac Disease soon followed. Always better to know what to treat in order for the treatment to be benefitial. :o)
Anyway, I am here, I saw an article in People Magazine that mentioned SparksPeople and decided that feeling tired, hurting, having trouble breathing could be about me being fat and out of shape as much if not more then because I was ill. It is surprising how 'suddenly' one day I saw a photo of myself and was just shocked by how heavy I had gotten. It probably wasn't about my being ill so much as that I had given up and decided I wasn't worth it. Meaning I didn't deserve to feel good, look good, be happy within myself.
The pages I have read here at Sparks inspire me and I love the before and after photos and stories because they demonstrate to me that I am not too old to make a change, I am not to ill to make a change and I can do whatever I set my mind to because all of you who have gone before me have showed me that anything is possible with a plan, the support of friends and a place to learn more. Slow and steady is my pace.
My goal is to lose 50 pounds and have more energy to enjoy life.
I am in physical therapy right now due to an auto accident and knee surgery but I do the bike when I can and I walk. Once I am recovered I will rejoin the gym and slide into a more rigorous workout.
My name is Teri, I am 54 years old. I live in Taos, NM but I travel to Portland, Oregon often to visit my daughter and grandkids. I am a depth psychologist by education profession. I love exploring psyche both at a personal level at at the world soul level.
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| current weight: 196.0