My dad makes the BEST Banana cream Pie! I'm gonna miss it....
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I was on here before... back in `07, and swore to everyone I know that "Spark people changed my life"! Well... Apparently that didn't happen. Since `07, I have yo-yo'd back and forth between weight loss and 'maintaining' (And I do mean 'maintaining' an unhealthy lifestyle just not losing OR gaining weight.. so I'm not sure that's a good thing). I have these bursts of energy where I'll sign up for a 2-year gym membership and hit the gym hard for a couple weeks... and then somehow a couple months go by and I keep toting the bill yet not stepping a foot inside the door. I've tried everything; working out to videos, working out watching TV, working out with music, going to aerobics classes, going to water-aerobics classes, watching what I eat, etc etc etc... And it's all great for a couple days or weeks.. but then something happens. Fat Holli kicks in. Fat Holli, who has ruined my teenage years, my young adult years, and my early 20's. The last 10 years have been taken over by Fat Holli... and I can't seem to stop her. I find something I love like Cycling... and I am so into it for weeks.. Cycling was the one thing I've ever found that I TRULLY loved... and then Fat Holli convinces me to stay home one day because "I DESERVE IT", and all the work and time and sweat and blood I've invested goes down the toilet. Why do I do this to myself? Why can't I ever follow-through? Why am I such a flake when it comes to motivating myself?
I need to do this again... I'm losing a battle... the battle for my life. I have no diseases, no diabetes, no illness, no ailments... and I need to figure out what the hell I'm doing to myself before It's too late. I want to be excited like I used to be, but right now... I'm kind of just in the dumps. I'm known for my optimism and sense-of-humor and upbeat personality... but Fat Holli is stealing that from me too.
What really ticks me off about people and their ignorance to weightless, is they say "Stop talking about it and just do it!"... Listen, if it was that easy, don't you think I would have done it by now? I lack one very HUGE thing and that's motivation. ( Ask my father... motivation was never my strong point growing up). I'm sorry, but I just can't do this alone. I've tried my whole life to lose weight on my own, and as you can see the only thing it's done for me is tilt the scale just a little bit more...
I need help. I'm lost. I'm stuck inside this body, and I am losing a tiny piece of who I am each and every day.
*To jump up and down, without having to hold everything in place.
*To not hide behind a sweatshirt.
*To To finally be confident about who I am.
*To run, for the first time without dying.
*To walk in front of teenagers and not feel like they're staring at me.
*To finally complete something I started.
*To get married one day, and be the mother to my kids that my mom was for me.
*To not think of my 'chest' as my only good asset.
1) Stop eating fast food.
2) Drink water.
3) Stick with my work-out schedule.
4) Learn to love food, without having to eat it ALL.
5) To stop using alcohol as a crutch.
| current weight: 255.0