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The Gutstapo

I'm sexy and I know it!



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Yesterday, I bought a size 18 dress for my high school graduation. I worried about acne, making friends in college, and whether I’d ever have a boyfriend.

This morning, I woke up to a size 28 body. Then, I worried about acne, making friends, and whether I’d ever find a husband, and where in the world my 20s went.

In ten years, I have dug the deepest, darkest rut EVER.

When I try to jump out of the rut, my gut, who is the boss of me, grabs me by my waist and slams me back to earth.

When I try to climb out of the rut one leg at a time, the chorus of fat that lives in my thunder thighs swells and shouts, “My name is Charlie! Last name, Horse!” Rather than catch a cramp, I stay cramped, stay put, and in the rut.

When I try to pull myself out of the rut using my upper body, my arms pop out like imitation Barbie dolls’. Unfortunately, instead of bulbous armpit joints, that roundness where my biceps used to be is a concoction a la O’Neal Ron Morris, but instead of Fix-a-Flat, I’ve injected Fix-a-Fry, Fix-a-Plate, and Fix-Myself-Some-Seconds. I know I’m not ready for this jelly.

Yesterday, (the real yesterday, not the decade ago yesterday), I did a jumping jack. It was more like a trampoline jack because when I stopped jumping my rolls kept bouncing. I did a mountain climber that felt more like a ski lift because my butt and thighs avalanched well after both of my feet were firmly on the carpet.


When I look in the mirror, I see a face I don’t recognize, as though time painted tiny cracks in the youth of my face and gravity has been using my chin as uneven bars. There are two chins now (and I had to take out the tweezers on the second one!)

I would like to say that I am a Christian so I am happy, an independent woman so I am content, and an American so I continue to dream, but I feel none of that. I feel adrift. I feel flat, and I feel bitter about feeling like I did everything right and ended up in a place so very wrong.

This is about getting back to a place that’s sweet and just being able to wearing a size that starts with a one.


– Bossy

Member Since: 7/21/2007

Fitness Minutes: 6,973

My Goals:
These are quite simple. I want to be able to put my arms down-- all the way down and not have extra arm in the way (you know, like a kid in a winter's jacket). I want one chin, an easy view of my feet, and the swiftness I remember from childhood. I want to run and not grow weary, and I want a waist of 35 inches. STAT.

My Program:
I want to write about the process of showing my belly who's boss. I think that being creative is the only way to win.

Personal Information:

I have no shame. The truth sets me free.

Other Information:
I'm learning to love God. I already love FOOD, reading, writing, singing, traveling, and bad puns.

Read More About BOSSYBELLY - Profile Information moved here. (Updated December 20)

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    Hiya and emoticon to the SparkTeam Have FUN & get RID of 200+. My name is Cindy and I am one of the mods we are a great group of ladies!!! so so welcome and enjoy, and remember YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
    3028 days ago
  • v .DUSTY.
    Hi! emoticon To Team 300 lbs. Plus! We're so glad to have you with us and are looking forward to getting to know you, and you us! Best wishes on reaching all your goals and dreams. You CAN do it!
    3028 days ago
    Welcome to the 'Need to lose 200+ pounds team', We have a great, supportive group and will look forward to supporting you on your journey. Most of our communication is on the Daily This and That thread. Come join us.
    3028 days ago
    Hi There!

    WELCOME to Team 300 lbs Plus!

    There's nothing like having a team full of people who know what it is to have to lose a lot of weight! We have plenty of fun while we support each other and make our tickers go down, Down, DOWN!

    I saw that you already introduced yourself - now jump on into any conversation that strikes your interest!
    3028 days ago

    YOU CAN DO IT! WINNER! emoticon
    3028 days ago
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