BOSSYBELLY
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The Gutstapo




I'm sexy and I know it!


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Yesterday, I bought a size 18 dress for my high school graduation. I worried about acne, making friends in college, and whether Iíd ever have a boyfriend.

This morning, I woke up to a size 28 body. Then, I worried about acne, making friends, and whether Iíd ever find a husband, and where in the world my 20s went.

In ten years, I have dug the deepest, darkest rut EVER.

When I try to jump out of the rut, my gut, who is the boss of me, grabs me by my waist and slams me back to earth.

When I try to climb out of the rut one leg at a time, the chorus of fat that lives in my thunder thighs swells and shouts, ďMy name is Charlie! Last name, Horse!Ē Rather than catch a cramp, I stay cramped, stay put, and in the rut.

When I try to pull myself out of the rut using my upper body, my arms pop out like imitation Barbie dollsí. Unfortunately, instead of bulbous armpit joints, that roundness where my biceps used to be is a concoction a la OíNeal Ron Morris, but instead of Fix-a-Flat, Iíve injected Fix-a-Fry, Fix-a-Plate, and Fix-Myself-Some-Seconds. I know Iím not ready for this jelly.

Yesterday, (the real yesterday, not the decade ago yesterday), I did a jumping jack. It was more like a trampoline jack because when I stopped jumping my rolls kept bouncing. I did a mountain climber that felt more like a ski lift because my butt and thighs avalanched well after both of my feet were firmly on the carpet.

This SUCKS!

When I look in the mirror, I see a face I donít recognize, as though time painted tiny cracks in the youth of my face and gravity has been using my chin as uneven bars. There are two chins now (and I had to take out the tweezers on the second one!)

I would like to say that I am a Christian so I am happy, an independent woman so I am content, and an American so I continue to dream, but I feel none of that. I feel adrift. I feel flat, and I feel bitter about feeling like I did everything right and ended up in a place so very wrong.

This is about getting back to a place thatís sweet and just being able to wearing a size that starts with a one.

Sheez.

Ė Bossy


Member Since: 7/21/2007

Fitness Minutes: 6,973

My Goals:
These are quite simple. I want to be able to put my arms down-- all the way down and not have extra arm in the way (you know, like a kid in a winter's jacket). I want one chin, an easy view of my feet, and the swiftness I remember from childhood. I want to run and not grow weary, and I want a waist of 35 inches. STAT.


My Program:
I want to write about the process of showing my belly who's boss. I think that being creative is the only way to win.



Personal Information:
Bossybelly.wordpress.com

I have no shame. The truth sets me free.


Other Information:
I'm learning to love God. I already love FOOD, reading, writing, singing, traveling, and bad puns.





Read More About BOSSYBELLY - Profile Information moved here. (Updated December 20)




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Comments
  • v GRETA242
    "I would like to say that I am a Christian so I am happy, an independent woman so I am content, and an American so I continue to dream, but I feel none of that. I feel adrift. I feel flat, and I feel bitter about feeling like I did everything right and ended up in a place so very wrong. "

    We share many of the same feelings and experiences. Been there, done that, moving on. Check out my wall and blogs. By the way, you write very well. Looking forward to reading some blog entries from you when you feel like it.


    889 days ago
  • v COXBETH
    I know about Decembeaver being a lifestyle. My hubs watched the video and was like, "How is that funny? That's just Tuesday around here."

    1342 days ago
  • v GEORGIA_KAY
    Eva, I'm glad you're back. :)
    1374 days ago
  • v DIFROMWYOMING
    Just stopping by to say HI! emoticon
    2345 days ago
  • v DIFROMWYOMING
    I can't believe I'm just finding you....where have I been?
    Actually I've been pretty MIA this month from SP due to surgery, but I"m slowly finding my way back to humanity.
    I love dry humor, and think you're a wonderful writer...so I look forward to reading more.
    Welcome to the jungle...
    2492 days ago
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