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| current weight: 200.0
I am coming back to Spark with renewed determination. I didn't work around food for years, but in a series of stressful jobs at a local university. The longest job I had was located in the basement of the library - no natural light or air. I had migraines and was sick much of the time - and the weight came on.
Now I am prematurely retired due to budget cuts, but am living simpler and getting back to my art. I am self taught for the most part, have done graphic design and photography (have a wacom tablet, too) as free lance in the background for a long time. I am wanting to also do multimedia art, so I have gotten out my paint and paint brushes recently.
Luckily my husband has always been kind to me about my weight - he is a stick - a tall stick - who has never been overweight in his life.
I wish us both success! I think we are in a good place to do it now, don't you agree?!
1448 days ago
I am back and doing it better this time. It does take much more time and effort to live in a healthier lifestyle. It was a crazy kind of self-indulgent, self-destructive lifestyle to eat all the junk food that I wanted. I had this theory that if I ate anything that I wanted then I would finally get enough of it to stop forever. Is that how drug addicts think? Well, it never seems to be enough. And, then there you are caught in a vicious circle because then I couldn't exercise because I had eaten all this junk food and what good is exercising now?
What happened, you ask? I have been out of control since 1980 when I started working in a grocery store (candyland to me.) Never had a weight problem before that. I was always very trim for 30 years. So, it was very new to me. My husband always told me that he couldn't handle having a fat wife. He was very unhappy with me. He would try being mean, saying mean things. I knew that he was right but I thought that he should love me unconditionally, like I do, in loving him. What happened, you ask? He got fat too! He has a 9 month pregnancy look. But, I think that he thinks that it's okay for him, since he's a man. When he tells me how I really need to lose weight, I tell him that I wouldn't talk. Then, he says nothing more, being surprised. So now, I am content. I know that he really loves me and I feel like I have really experienced all the highs and lows of food. Now, I just want to be really, really healthy before it's too late. Before I have a heart attack or a stroke.
I smoked cigarettes off and on for under 10 years but then, I became addicted to them during the last period of smoking. I had lost all control of them. I must have tried at least 50 to 100 times trying to quit. I finally stumbled upon acupuncture and it worked. I never tested it nor smoked again. Smoking is a very scary experience when you become addicted to it. It dominates your life... And, that is how I 'm starting to look at junk food. You have to just stop eating it. And, like an addictive substance never consume it again. Or risk losing control. I know this is my one big problem, junk food, especially, baked foods that look beautiful. So deceiving... So poisonous...
So, I AM BACK! No junk food in my system at all and I have no craving for it what so ever! I am wiser and I am done making my body suffer!
The suffering really does show... I want to look and feel really, really good again! I will be free!
1485 days ago
Comment edited on: 6/5/2012 8:13:50 PM