The way I'm going, when the zombie apocalypse comes, my sluggish behind will be among the first eaten. I'm not okay with that.

Now that I'm in my 30s, the health and fitness habits of my youth -- eating crappy food with abandon, knocking back beers with the boys, exercising irregularly -- are no longer offset by a physically active job (i.e. waiting tables) and a 20-something metabolism. No indeed. Instead, I've gained almost 50 pounds since I left college and have become achier, ...

The way I'm going, when the zombie apocalypse comes, my sluggish behind will be among the first eaten. I'm not okay with that.

Now that I'm in my 30s, the health and fitness habits of my youth -- eating crappy food with abandon, knocking back beers with the boys, exercising irregularly -- are no longer offset by a physically active job (i.e. waiting tables) and a 20-something metabolism. No indeed. Instead, I've gained almost 50 pounds since I left college and have become achier, less energetic, and more sedentary each year.

It's time for a change.

And just in case the zombie apocalypse doesn't happen, it'll be nice to have more energy, less back pain, and knees that don't creak quite so loud when I step off the bus.

Read More About BASSOONISTA (Updated January 5)