BAMATHIN   13,004
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Myself and my brother Bradley looking sexy AFTER the wedding.





And even more posing, omg! I think the dress was too big but I loved it!








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A New Day Has Come!

Ok, enough with the Celine references, promise. But seriously, how appropriate, right?

Today was a changing day in my life. (And now I'm quoting Dr. Phil) I went down to my school and managed to finally finagle a date for my TEP (teaching education program) interview. Not to mention actually finishing my interview portfolio which was just...wow. I hadn't realized I did so much while in three short semesters at Athens. My life has been slowly speeding by without my knowledge ...
Ok, enough with the Celine references, promise. But seriously, how appropriate, right?

Today was a changing day in my life. (And now I'm quoting Dr. Phil) I went down to my school and managed to finally finagle a date for my TEP (teaching education program) interview. Not to mention actually finishing my interview portfolio which was just...wow. I hadn't realized I did so much while in three short semesters at Athens. My life has been slowly speeding by without my knowledge and it all just sort of hit me today. So today, I've decided, is a new day. I'm starting over. Starting fresh. Brand spankin' new me.

But first we must acknowledge the past, yeah? Well I've been fat (overweight) my whole life. It's true, Mum was told to put me on a diet when I was nine months old. No, you read it right, months, not years. I was oblivious of being fat until I turned eight. I blame TV, all the big kids on TV were made fun of and, hey, looking in that mirror I realized I identified with them more than the skinny kids. And at eight I realized I was not only fat but I was grumpy. I preferred oblivious but what can you do. But I lucked out, none of the girls (or boys!) teased me for being fat. I was fortunate.

However I moved here to Alabama from elementary school to middle school. Like seriously, one day I was in elementary school and the next I was thrown into the fray of middle school. A few boys teased me but, eh, I was never one to care. Some of the girls were catty and the first few years were rough until I wasn't the new girl anymore but obviously it didn't scar me for ages. I'm happier now than I ever was. But we're getting ahead.

When I was eleven I decided to join Weight Watchers (the first of five times, I believe) for the first time. I lost twenty-five pounds (I was really short!) and finally looked like the skinny girls. But that didn't last long because my old eating habits came flooding back and I was back up there. I fluctuated all through middle school and high school and was never the skinny girl or the heavy girl, just the normal girl who felt like the biggest girl in the crowd. I was a size 12 and thought I was so big you could see me from space. How incredibly stupid I was. I'm a size 10 now and while I still have days where I despise my body, I love myself. I think back on my high school days and laugh at my naive view of self worth being completely connected with my body. I had friends! People genuinely liked me! I marched to the beat of own drum. I was cool in my own way. I could have ruled that school if I hadn't let my body rule me.

So I'm not doing it anymore. I'm giving up this lame idea that I can't be happy if I'm not 135. I CAN BE HAPPY. I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY. I CHOOSE TO BE 135, I choose it, I don't HAVE to be 135.

I was at my highest weight, 186.6 last September and managed to get here, 157.2 I've been stuck recently because I hit that mindset again. "If I'm 135 people will like me better. If I'm 135 people will stop talking about me. If I'm 135 my life will change forever". It's high school all over again and I'm not celebrating the changes I've made so far. I'm not allowing myself to. I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO. I WILL ALLOW MYSELF TO.

I want to do this for me. Not for a boy/man, not for other people but FOR me. I won't let excuses or food get in my way. I'll eat if I want to and if I slip up I won't beat myself silly for doing it. I'll just start over if I have to. But I'll do this. I'm ending this lifetime of weight now. Right this very minute. Who's with me?

I will celebrate the woman I am becoming. I will celebrate the people who love me and I will love them more than I've ever loved anyone else because I finally love myself. I will treat myself as my best friend. I will be kind and thoughtful. I'm going to work hard to get what I deserve because that's the only way you know you deserve it.

My Quote:
"I have accepted fear as a part of life, specifically the fear of change, the fear of the unknown. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: Turn back, turn back; you'll die if you venture too far."
– Erica Jong

I didn't realize it but I feared (fear?) change. It held me back from hitting my full potential my whole life. I'm not afraid of it anymore. C'mon life I'm ready to grab ahold and hold on, knuckles white, until you shake me off. Even then I'll hit the ground running, looking for the oppurtunity to grab on again.

I ask again, who's with me?

------

Found this in a sparkpeople e-mail!

"So, I'm yet to be the runner I aspire to be BUT I'm a better runner than I've ever been.

I don't have a flat tummy BUT I've discovered my collarbones.

I don't always order the healthiest thing on the menu BUT I no longer make my choices blind.

I'm not going to be on the cover of a magazine BUT I'm starting to think that maybe I look good in certain clothes.

I don't always roll out of bed and throw on my sneakers BUT my sneakers are not collecting dust.

I haven't developed an ego BUT I am proud!"

Shamelessly stolen from MCANIRLINH!! That was fantastic, I feel inspired just reading it.






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 current weight: 171.0 
 
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Member Since: 1/23/2008

SparkPoints: 13,004

Fitness Minutes: 11,817

My Goals:
I don't do well with set goals and dates. I'm not that kind of person. So here's some ideas (ok and a few dates)

155lbs - New shirt
150lbs - Workout shorts
145lbs - New jeans
140lbs - Massage
135lbs - New haircut!

This week's goal is to go to the gym on a day I work eight hours. Tomorrow (Tuesday) would be perfect.

My Program:
I'm starting out slow, I'd like to work back up to just tracking truthfully everyday.

Personal Information:
Just the basics, I have PCOS. It's not too bad, causes some crazy strange cramps and super duper cravings around that time. But this time? I'm going to deal.

My personal e-mail address is seanastin4ever@yahoo.com

Other Information:
I love all the support I've received, especially recently. You guys rock.

I love you Mom.

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Member Comments:
CANNOTFATHOM
1/13/2014 4:02:41 PM

“In order to lead a fascinating life – one brimming with art, music, intrigue and romance – you must surround yourself with precisely those things.” -

Hope 2014 holds so many wonderful things for you!


Penny




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5/11/2013 1:46:25 PM

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