In it to win it, and ready to lose:)...
That said..I am here for an over-haul..lol. My main goal is to lose weight of course, however there are so many reasons I want this in my life. Right now, my health is poor. I have high-blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart problems, and such. I'm only 27 yrs. old, so it is very scary for me to hear from the doctors how bad my health is. Of course, they all tell me the same thing,"Change your diet and start exercising." Well, I don't ...
In it to win it, and ready to lose:)...
That said..I am here for an over-haul..lol. My main goal is to lose weight of course, however there are so many reasons I want this in my life. Right now, my health is poor. I have high-blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart problems, and such. I'm only 27 yrs. old, so it is very scary for me to hear from the doctors how bad my health is. Of course, they all tell me the same thing,"Change your diet and start exercising." Well, I don't think I ate poorly before, and I did exercise. I did however think, maybe they have a point. So, I started reading all the information I could. While I was trying to eat better and exercise, I wasn't all that informed!! I had tried fad diets, starving myself, and I realize all that took a toll on my health!! Scary!! I am taking back my life for me and my beautiful children. Starting today, and ending.... NEVER!! This is a lifestyle change!!
.....I wrote that in February of 2009. As I sit where I'm at now(August 25, 2010), and take a look back I can't belive how much things can change in a year and a half!! I've had my ups and downs, my detours and my dead ends. When I hit those dead ends, I thought of how much my beautiful children needed me and instead embraced the challenges I was facing.
In what seemed a short amount of time, I gained: Normal Cholesterol, Normal Blood Pressure, Heart Health, but also suffered great loss. In the past 2 years, I have lost 3 babies:'( In that amount of time I also gained enough weight to put me at my heaviest weight ever. Yes, while some of it was pregnancy weight about half of it was emotional weight and baggage. Needless to say, I felt weighed down.
As I stated I've had many ups and downs and after a work injury in 2008, it seemed all down hill. I was working with an indusrtrial size mixer and it malfunctioned giving me a blow to my shoulder. After seeing an orthopedic surgeon I was told it was bursitus and tendonitis and told to do physical therapy. I simply dreaded going, but stuck it out with no improvment. I took a few months off and the ortho would send me back. I knew there was something horribly wrong with my shoulder and my physical therapist also thought so. So, I petitioned workers comp. for a second oppinion. Upon examination of my case by my 2nd ortho my M.R.I. had lacked enough contrast to show the area he and my physical therapist thought had a problem. Well, I got another one done and my bicep was torn more than half way across along with other problems!! These are OUR bodies, listen to them!!! If something doesn't seem right, question it. If you don't get the answer you are looking for, keep looking til you do!!
Last summer I received 3 surgeries back to back which resulted in me having a screw and anchor in my shoulder to keep it in place. I continued to have more and more pain. I recall my last doctors visit with my second ortho. He didn't believe that I was in pain. I told him I was in horrible pain, and it was alot for me cause I have a high tolerance for pain. He told me it was all how I looked at it, and that what may be horribly painful to me may not be any pain to someone else. I was livid!! How could he be so heartless has to tell me the pain was all in my head!!? He told me the surgery had taken care of the problem and everything was fine, and I shouldn't be in any pain...there was only one problem with that scenario, I WAS!! I was not going to back down!! I had people who I thought were close to me before the surgery, doubting my injuries.. to top it off the ortho's doubted me, too!! Then I has surgery, and thought it was put to rest...only to be doubted more!! This played a tremendous role on my emotions, to constantly have to stand up for and prove yourself to say the least is very emotionally draining. Well, after a 3rd opinion my shoulder after surgery and to this day has a almost completely torn off bicep!! The day I found out was a huge sigh of relief for me, I finally didn't have to carry the burden of proving myself...or did I? I was declared permanently disabled in my shoulder. At that point Worker's comp. Stopped paying me my 5 hundred dollars a month, and used a shady way of computing to tell me I will never suffer loss of wages and with my limitations can be a greeter for the rest of my life. Are you kidding me!!? At 28 who wants to be a greeter? Maybe, When I'm old and tired and at retirement age I will want to become one!! Who gave them this right, to decide my life? How could I possibly support my children on 5 hundred a month before, they thought that was acceptable!! Now they thought it was perfectly acceptable to take my only income away from me, meanwhile telling me a limb will be permanentaly disabled!!
Well, that's not the end of my downs, for sure. Throughout that time my health suffered. For a couple of months I became bed ridden and couldn't eat anything but crackers, and drink gatorade. I had sharp abdominal pains and absolutely not the slightest amount of energy to get out of bed. After a EGD/Biopsy I was told I have Gastroparesis, and my stomach is paralyzed. I was shocked!! How could that be!? My stomach doesn't contract to breakdown food. Food has to sit there til my stomach acid breaks it down. Well, it sits there long enough to get bacteria. I had developed a bad infection deep in my stomach linning from it, and thats what had left me bed ridden. Other tests showed I also developed 3 masses, 2 in my liver and one in my kidney. My heart sank being told that they were not sure if they were cancerous or not!! I also had sludge in my GallBladder!! I have had to have a Iron Transfusion, and was told that I was very close to needing a blood transfusion. I got my GallBladder removed. I still have sharp pain my stomach, and at times it feels like my ribs are stabbing me in the sides:( The latest is that they suspect I have Crohn's!!
The bones in my injured shoulder are degenerating and I've developed Arthritis in it. I'm now having joint problems in my other joints and my knees cause me the most problems of all my joints. I got xrays, yesterday. My doctor is thinking the Arthritis has spread.
Every day I wake up is another challenge for me!! I never know what that day has in store for me, and it's be an adventure to say the least. I put a smile on my face, and face the day. I look in my kids eyes, and know just how much they need and rely on me. I try my best not to let on that Mommy is "sick", and I push through and get done what needs to be done. On my really bad days that have me laying on the couch, it breaks my heart to hear them talking about Mommy being sick. I find strength and inspiration in the very small things: My kids smiles, their laughter, and the very wonderful people here on SparkPeople...but it is these very small things that make a BIG difference!!!
We all face struggles BIG and small. When we see a person, we can not possibly ever know what they are going through, or have overcome. So, treat every person you meet with dignity and respect. Nobody's troubles are greater or lesser than your own. We are all faced with life, and the cards we are dealt. It is not the cards we are dealt that define us, but how we chose to use them. I have had my share of bad hands, but I've used these cards to build a strong foundation for me to stand on;)
When you feel like giving up, push harder!!! When someone says you can't, tell them you can! Nobody can define your life, but you!! PROVE EVERYONE WRONG!!! Love more, Laugh more, LIVE more!! Never be content with the way you are, there is always room for improvement whether it be physically, emotionally, or mentally. Never stop improving yourself.To be content is to simply give up!! ~ME~
"I will act now. I will act now. I will act now. Henceforth, I will repeat these words each hour, each day, everyday, until the words become as much a habit as my breathing, and the action which follows becomes as instinctive as the blinking of my eyelids. With these words I can condition my mind to perform every action necessary for my success. I will act now. I will repeat these words again and again and again. I will walk where failures fear to walk. I will work when failures seek rest. I will act now for now is all I have. Tomorrow is the day reserved for the labor of the lazy. I am not lazy. Tomorrow is the day when the failure will succeed. I am not a failure. I will act now. Success will not wait. If I delay, success will become wed to another and lost to me forever. This is the time. This is the place. I am the person."
"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a SPARK that creates extraordinary results."
"I have touched the scars upon His hands,
To see if they were real.
He has walked the road before me,
He knows just how I feel.
When you feel there is not anyone,
Who understands your pain,
Just remember all of Jesus' suffering."
~Jeremy camp-Healing hand of God Lyrics
"I must have stood strong, I must have stood tight
To yield the thoughts around me, the battle in my mind
And knowing you surround me, your wings coat my despair
Whatever my condition, the cross it shows you care."
~Jeremy Camp-Nothing Lyrics
There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.
There was a time when I was so afraid,
I thought Id reached the end.
Baby that was then,
But I am made of more than my yesterdays!
This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment...
Cuz I look around...
I can't believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts!
That was then, this is my now.
Had to decide was I gonna play it safe,
Or look somewhere deep inside
and try to turn the tide.
Find the strength to take that step of faith.
And I have the courage like never before, yeah.
I've settled for less, but ready for more!
~Jordin Sparks-This is my now Lyrics
I can almost see it. That dream I'm dreamin...
But there's a voice inside my head saying you'll never reach it.
Every step I'm taking. Every move I make feels lost with no direction. My faith is shakin..But I gotta keep tryin. Gotta keep my head held high.
There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle, Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waitin on the other side.It's the climb.
The struggles I'm facing. The chances I'm taking. Sometimes might knock me down but..No I'm not breaking. I may not know it, but these are the moments that I'm gonna remember most, yeah.
I Just gotta keep going..And I gotta be strong.Just keep pushing on 'cause,...
There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle, But Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waitin on the other side. It's the climb.
Keep on moving,
Keep the faith,
My Goal is to lose weight and gain health.
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
I am on a 1200 Calorie Diet, per my Doctor's request. I try to make the most out of those calories by picking healthier foods:) I exercise as often as I can, and look for ways to sneak some in... anything can turn into exercise!!:)
My current exercise program is atleast 5 days of cardio, and atleast 3 days of strength training. I also belong to the group 28 day bootcamp
Keep those bodies moving!:)
| current weight: 177.0