This was one of my heavy work-out days: Bruises from Martial Arts, sweat from Bikram.
I will work to make my long limbs ever more elegant!
Just before running the Hot Chocolate 15K in November 2011
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This process is to figure out who I am. Part of it is physical: what the hell is under all that adipose tissue? Abs? Cysts? Wings?
But a lot of this is mental/emotional. I got hit pretty hard by a simple line from the New Testament where some Pharisees are trying to snare Jesus with their sticky logic. Jesus just rolls back his shoulders, cocks an eyebrow and says, "You don't know me. You have no idea where I have been or where I am going. But I know exactly who I am, where I have been and I know where I am going."
BTW that was verse John 8:14. I like my Jesus sassy.
So I'm trying to get some sass and character, and here is a poem about that which has helped me through plenty of dark, dank places. I hope it helps you, too:
Hopi Prophesy to the Nation (Thomas Banyacya)
You have been telling the people
That this is the eleventh hour.
Now, you must go and tell the people
That THIS is the hour,
And there are things to be considered.
Where are you living? What are you doing?
What are your relationships?
Are you in the right relationship?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.
It is time to speak your truth.
Create your community,
Be good to each other.
Do not look outside yourself for a leader.
There is a river flowing now very fast.
It is so great and swift
That there are those who will be afraid.
They will try to hold onto the shore.
They will feel they are being pulled apart
And will suffer greatly.
Understand that the river-knows its destination.
The elders say we must let go of the shore,
Push off into the middle of the river,
Keep our eyes open and our heads above water.
And I say: see who is in there with you.
Hold fast to them and celebrate!
At this time in history
We are to take nothing personally,
Least of all, ourselves!
For the moment we do,
Our spiritual growth and journey comes to an end.
The time of the Lone Wolf is over!
Banish the word "struggle" from
Your attitude and vocabulary.
All that we do now must be done
In a sacred manner and in celebration.
We are all about to go on a journey.
We are the ones we have been waiting for.
Stand on more soap boxes. Listen to more angry women. Glorify my body. Run barefoot (ish, c'mon this is the city). Run shirtless. Take a punch and swing right back. Scorpion pose. Figure out what I am feeling and why much faster.
My greatest accomplishment in routine is oatmeal. Even then, I can't really settle into habits easily. My program is always changing, but the basics are: move around, sweat a lot, eat too many vegetables, pretend you are a vegetarian, if you're going to eat pastry make it expensive.
I'm a 25-year old lady living in Ravenswood Chicago (the best neighborhood ever!)
I'm not obese anymore. I'm not even really overweight anymore. This is part-vanity, part-self-discovery.
I'm clever, interesting, beautiful and hopelessly unemployed (and a bit dramatic, I guess.)
Let's see where I go.
My dojo is my self-help group. We have a presence and a spirit that reminds me of AA and proper churches: we're a hospital for the sick, not a museum for the saints.
When I sweat, I usually have to be in a class so I have the benefit of peer pressure. I like my yoga gentle and limber. I like my runs slow. I like my martial arts grimy and earnest.
I belong to CSAs and I am a decent cook, but I am lazy as all get-out. I don't own a car, and it makes me so happy I could cry. I love to drink beer in the shower as a reward. I get nauseated by the smell of fast food.
| current weight: 167.0
thanks for the blog comment! it really means a lot to have a place where I won't be judged for my mistakes :) you're awesome!
1718 days ago
im super inspired by your weight loss so i added you as a friend! hope you don't mind :)
ps. your wedding pics are beautiful!
1718 days ago
Beautiful wedding pictures! I did contradancing a few times when I first moved to Tennessee - what a blast! And a great workout too...
Yeah, sea veggies are great!! I wouldn't have thought of them either if not for my mom - she lives in Ireland where they are still a much more dominant part of the food culture. Enjoy exploring, and thanks for the comment on my page!
1739 days ago
haha aww thanks so much for the encouragement on my page!! I need it! Now that I've moved and am trying to settle in to new life here (there is so so so much to do...so much cleaning!), I'm trying to maintain my eating habits and exercise, and I need to make it a priority. I've been backsliding this week!
1755 days ago
Your right the earlier you eat the sugar the harder it is to resist! One thing that I have found helps are green grapes because they have some sugar in them, but they are healthy too! Good Luck on your journey!
1769 days ago