AAAACK   57,176
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints

Red Tailed Hawk (Light Phase)

my toes in La Jolla

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Trying to Remember: I Matter

I Matter. Yep, that's my theme this year. I even created a Spark Team for it (let's hope others find it and we can support each other). But I am seriously trying to find ways to remember me. To make time for me. To realize that if my loved ones need me so much, then I should take care of this resource for them, which means I need to value me as much as they do! And that means...yes, being nice to me. Tending to my own health. Making time for things I like, want, need.

I Matter. Yep, that's my theme this year. I even created a Spark Team for it (let's hope others find it and we can support each other). But I am seriously trying to find ways to remember me. To make time for me. To realize that if my loved ones need me so much, then I should take care of this resource for them, which means I need to value me as much as they do! And that means...yes, being nice to me. Tending to my own health. Making time for things I like, want, need.


(older profiles - in case you want to see my nutty journey)
I put all my weight back on and then some. An all-time non-pregnant high weight... tested for glucose intolerance and thyroid. While I didn't know if I had metabolic syndrome or diabetes (results are in: I don't), I did know that if my thyroid was out of whack, it couldn't be blamed for my weight. I've been doing this a long time now, this whole watching my health and weight, and I know when I'm eating too much and not moving enough. I also know that I'm doing it now. Regularly. I do need to find a path out of this large cave I have steered myself into.

This cave is lined with treats, and is cozy, and has a lot of places to sit. There's a TV. Movies. And a sense of coziness. But for some reason, I can't see all the unpleasant stuff underneath the enticing indulgent stuff. I DO know it's there, I'm a pretty smart girl. But I seem to be really good at looking at the surface stuff, what I want today, rather than the ick and goo underneath the indulgent habits.

So, I need to take a step out of the cave today. And every day. Some days I'll need to rest, but I can't stop or I'll just stay in the cave. And I do want out, I really do. I must find my path out!

I hurt my shoulder (rotator cuff) March of 2012, finally saw a doctor in Nov 2012, and had therapy then surgery in Feb 2013, then more therapy. So...I gained about 25 lb and wasn't even at goal at that point.

My new goal is to lose 50lb by the end of 2014. Not fast, right? You got it. Trying to go all out crazy backfires on me every time and I end up gaining again.

But now I have my 50-year-old body in mostly good working order (despite plantar faciitis, sciatica, a pinched nerve in my neck that acts up periodically, migraines, and a still weird shoulder), and despite the time I spend homeschooling and doing therapy with my special needs son, I have a plan.

The plan is to just not binge at night (it's the only time I do). By doing that, I save around 3500 calories a week. But just in case, and in order to stave off the binges which are triggered by depression and feeling inadequate to the tasks I set before me each day (read: not enough time in the day to what my ambition seems to think I can do! ha ha), I will move at least 20 minutes 5 days a week, and hopefully about 3 of those days it will be more.

I will NOT strive to be perfect. I don't believe you have to be perfect to be awesome. My special needs son has taught me that. So with that lesson under my belt, I march on. And I hope this year's plan works out better than all those before. And that as we are celebrating the end of 2014 (next year), that I get to report having made some great progress on my goal, if not meeting it early!

Oh, and I will be recording my weight nearly every day during this process (that's part of the plan) so that I will learn my body's natural rhythms and not be freaked out when they happen (which has derailed me in the past).

Off to do it!
2012 updates:

Feels Good strategy - if it feels good, the mind will tell me to keep doing it, be it a binge or getting to-do list stuff done. Remember to feel it and say it when something feels good so at night the mind doesn't seek that feeling through food. Exercising at least 10 min/day
2 days/week 30-60 min w/trainer

August - still seeking balance, maybe it's more of a journey than a destination. Because life isn't constant, maybe balance is an ongoing act. So I'm trying out Spark Coach to see if it can contribute to my balance. And I'm adopting a new mantra - consistent action not constant action. And I'm also thieving one from a Sparkfriend's blog (Cannie50) - the opposite of messy is not perfect.

I know I'll get tired of being on the balance beam, and I know I'll fall off it from time to time. The question is, will I get back up quickly, or lie there and wallow in self-indulgence?

January - man, this is hard. Balance is tough to find. Thank all of you for continuing to share your victories and struggles, it helps so much in my own journey. I'm still trying. Still trying...

Update: The struggle continues. I started strong, but now the school year has presented new challenges - like time. So my visits to my favorite teams are sporadic, but I will try to do at least one Spark thing a day. So if you comment on a blog or here on my page - please know that I adore you and your support, even if I can't always answer right away.

I have been forced to manage my time a little tighter this school year because homeschooling is much more challenging for my Autistic son and I than ever before. It helps him so much, and he is learning more than ever, but it also takes more time to get through each in-depth lesson.

So I adore you all, and will try and get to answer each of you regularly, it just may not be on the same day you leave your comment, but your comments are highly valued here! I need you more than ever. And you all remind me to stay positive and that I can do it, and I love that. You all Rock! This isn't just about me and MY path, it's about all of us. We all need this, and needing support is a strength, not a weakness.

Go us!

[earlier page blurb - circa July 2011]
Trying to find my own path to stop binge eating, find health, and have a life and body I can feel proud of.

I'm 48 years old, too much body fat, out of control eating, and need to connect my actions with my consequences (as far as eating goes).

I've hit my first goal as of July 26, of 21 days binge free. Emo-free eating, new concept for me, but it's actually working!

Question to myself for every single day: what am I WILLING to do TODAY to be healthy?
Read More About AAAACK (Updated August 10)

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Member Since: 7/6/2011

SparkPoints: 57,176

Fitness Minutes: 28,386

My Goals:
Take care of me along with my loved ones. Learn balance.
Learn to live binge free.
Lower my body fat into the healthy range.
Learn to feel good.

My Program:
Do a deliberate or random act of kindness for myself daily.

no evening binges: listen to my body to know what to eat and when, and when it's enough

move "extra" 10 min per day (over and above lifestyle movement)

trainer 1x/week when possible, for harder workout 30 or 60min

feel healthy, see healthy
in other words - see my life through the eyes of my healthy self, and make decisions through that filter

Personal Information:
Through an interesting chain of events I am homeschooling my special needs child and always seeking balance.

Leader of Sparkteam: I Matter

Other Information:
I believe life has ebbs and flows in everything, I just need to learn to move and eat better during all of the extremes, learn how to rebalance each day with what's going on in my life. It IS possible to live healthy.

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Member Comments:
8/29/2015 10:18:28 PM

I appreciate your good wishes for my well-being in the smoke-filled air we are having. My family and I are fortunate not to have breathing problems normally, so we are doing better than many others. The smoke has been a bit worse each day for about two weeks now, but we were blessed with rain a couple of times this afternoon which has helped clear the air somewhat. I'm not one to wish for summer to be over, but I will appreciate weather conditions that keep us less prone to wildfire.

Thanks again for your good wishes. Your support means a lot to me.

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8/28/2015 9:38:08 PM

Thank you so much for the box of tissues goodie you sent me and your kind comments. I really need those tissues as I have had watery eyes and stuffy nose for days now. I should quit the whining, though, because we don't have fire threatening our home like so many have. I should count my blessings for being safe.

Thanks again!

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8/18/2015 10:54:46 PM

You are such a sweetie. Yup, busy week. We went to "the cottage" and during that I still had guests at the B&B and ... well ... it was a holiday of sorts but not. I am quite overwhelmed with all I have to do but quite amazed at what i got done today. Sparking is going to be hard until after the weekend. Mice destroyed the little cabin my DD was going to stay in and we have snakes... all good... but they were not doing their job and I was getting frustrated with the one that kept checking me out after I took 7 mice nests from it's winter paradise. Actually the original snake has gone missing. They are endangered... long story and I am much too tired right now.. have been trying to shop, take loads to the dump that we brought back from the cottage, make up the suite, help DD pack and shop for her birthday gifts so she has camera etc. leaving Thursday, make appointments for her hair to be blue and try to remember my own appointments... listen to DD youngest who is miserable as the house they put an offer on did NOT pass the inspection and the sellers refuse to budge in price and given how past repairs were done DD does not want them to fix the problems. My meditation buddy and I are doing the women's retreat Saturday and I know she is anxious for details but I am not prepared yet. It will all come together but yikes my head is splitting. Heat wave has not let up yet and I spent way too much time outside. This is not a rant or wine... just not making much sense. MUST go to bed! Talk to you soon. I will be late posting a topic for the Writing diet for sure.

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8/18/2015 3:12:48 PM

emoticon for the friend's add. I added you too.

Hope you are having a healthy Tuesday!

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8/14/2015 3:32:52 PM

Thanks for commenting on my blog. Perhaps instead of looking at what I didn't do, I should look at the fact that I DID pack healthy snacks for the car and build on that. Maybe next time I can focus on one more healthy thing I can incorporate into the trip. Perhaps it will start the healthy chain of dominoes! Good luck on you vacation. Making a plan always helps!

Comment edited on: 8/14/2015 3:33:15 PM

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