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I Matter

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I Matter. Yep, that's my theme this year. I even created a Spark Team for it (let's hope others find it and we can support each other). But I am seriously trying to find ways to remember me. To make time for me. To realize that if my loved ones need me so much, then I should take care of this resource for them, which means I need to value me as much as they do! And that means...yes, being nice to me. Tending to my own health. Making time for things I like, want, need.


(older profiles - in case you want to see my nutty journey)
I put all my weight back on and then some. An all-time non-pregnant high weight... tested for glucose intolerance and thyroid. While I didn't know if I had metabolic syndrome or diabetes (results are in: I don't), I did know that if my thyroid was out of whack, it couldn't be blamed for my weight. I've been doing this a long time now, this whole watching my health and weight, and I know when I'm eating too much and not moving enough. I also know that I'm doing it now. Regularly. I do need to find a path out of this large cave I have steered myself into.

This cave is lined with treats, and is cozy, and has a lot of places to sit. There's a TV. Movies. And a sense of coziness. But for some reason, I can't see all the unpleasant stuff underneath the enticing indulgent stuff. I DO know it's there, I'm a pretty smart girl. But I seem to be really good at looking at the surface stuff, what I want today, rather than the ick and goo underneath the indulgent habits.

So, I need to take a step out of the cave today. And every day. Some days I'll need to rest, but I can't stop or I'll just stay in the cave. And I do want out, I really do. I must find my path out!

I hurt my shoulder (rotator cuff) March of 2012, finally saw a doctor in Nov 2012, and had therapy then surgery in Feb 2013, then more therapy. So...I gained about 25 lb and wasn't even at goal at that point.

My new goal is to lose 50lb by the end of 2014. Not fast, right? You got it. Trying to go all out crazy backfires on me every time and I end up gaining again.

But now I have my 50-year-old body in mostly good working order (despite plantar faciitis, sciatica, a pinched nerve in my neck that acts up periodically, migraines, and a still weird shoulder), and despite the time I spend homeschooling and doing therapy with my special needs son, I have a plan.

The plan is to just not binge at night (it's the only time I do). By doing that, I save around 3500 calories a week. But just in case, and in order to stave off the binges which are triggered by depression and feeling inadequate to the tasks I set before me each day (read: not enough time in the day to what my ambition seems to think I can do! ha ha), I will move at least 20 minutes 5 days a week, and hopefully about 3 of those days it will be more.

I will NOT strive to be perfect. I don't believe you have to be perfect to be awesome. My special needs son has taught me that. So with that lesson under my belt, I march on. And I hope this year's plan works out better than all those before. And that as we are celebrating the end of 2014 (next year), that I get to report having made some great progress on my goal, if not meeting it early!

Oh, and I will be recording my weight nearly every day during this process (that's part of the plan) so that I will learn my body's natural rhythms and not be freaked out when they happen (which has derailed me in the past).

Off to do it!
2012 updates:

Feels Good strategy - if it feels good, the mind will tell me to keep doing it, be it a binge or getting to-do list stuff done. Remember to feel it and say it when something feels good so at night the mind doesn't seek that feeling through food. Exercising at least 10 min/day
2 days/week 30-60 min w/trainer

August - still seeking balance, maybe it's more of a journey than a destination. Because life isn't constant, maybe balance is an ongoing act. So I'm trying out Spark Coach to see if it can contribute to my balance. And I'm adopting a new mantra - consistent action not constant action. And I'm also thieving one from a Sparkfriend's blog (Cannie50) - the opposite of messy is not perfect.

I know I'll get tired of being on the balance beam, and I know I'll fall off it from time to time. The question is, will I get back up quickly, or lie there and wallow in self-indulgence?

January - man, this is hard. Balance is tough to find. Thank all of you for continuing to share your victories and struggles, it helps so much in my own journey. I'm still trying. Still trying...

Update: The struggle continues. I started strong, but now the school year has presented new challenges - like time. So my visits to my favorite teams are sporadic, but I will try to do at least one Spark thing a day. So if you comment on a blog or here on my page - please know that I adore you and your support, even if I can't always answer right away.

I have been forced to manage my time a little tighter this school year because homeschooling is much more challenging for my Autistic son and I than ever before. It helps him so much, and he is learning more than ever, but it also takes more time to get through each in-depth lesson.

So I adore you all, and will try and get to answer each of you regularly, it just may not be on the same day you leave your comment, but your comments are highly valued here! I need you more than ever. And you all remind me to stay positive and that I can do it, and I love that. You all Rock! This isn't just about me and MY path, it's about all of us. We all need this, and needing support is a strength, not a weakness.

Go us!

[earlier page blurb - circa July 2011]
Trying to find my own path to stop binge eating, find health, and have a life and body I can feel proud of.

I'm 48 years old, too much body fat, out of control eating, and need to connect my actions with my consequences (as far as eating goes).

I've hit my first goal as of July 26, of 21 days binge free. Emo-free eating, new concept for me, but it's actually working!

Question to myself for every single day: what am I WILLING to do TODAY to be healthy?

Member Since: 7/6/2011

My Goals:
Take care of me along with my loved ones. Learn balance.
Learn to live binge free.
Lower my body fat into the healthy range.
Learn to feel good.

My Program:
Do a deliberate or random act of kindness for myself daily.

no evening binges: listen to my body to know what to eat and when, and when it's enough

move "extra" 10 min per day (over and above lifestyle movement)

trainer 1x/week when possible, for harder workout 30 or 60min

feel healthy, see healthy
in other words - see my life through the eyes of my healthy self, and make decisions through that filter

Personal Information:
Through an interesting chain of events I am homeschooling my special needs child and always seeking balance.

Leader of Sparkteam: I Matter

Other Information:
I believe life has ebbs and flows in everything, I just need to learn to move and eat better during all of the extremes, learn how to rebalance each day with what's going on in my life. It IS possible to live healthy.

Read More About AAAACK - Profile Information moved here. (Updated August 10)

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    ah perfectionism .. ugh... the bane of my existence... thanks for caring :)
    56 days ago
  • v JUSTYNA7
    Thanks for the blog comment. Yup, wheat flour is vegan but DH and DD are gluten free so we are all eating that way.
    65 days ago
    When I'm doing stuff like that with the fitbjt I put it in a pocket
    67 days ago
  • v JUSTYNA7
    I just made a savory vegan bread and thought of YOU! Look at the recipe and see what you think:

    "Super-power chia bread" (for a super woman of course)
    Serves 8 but the author makes a double batch every week. It keeps in the fridge 2-3 days or does great in the freezer and can be toasted. She suggests thawing in the fridge for "bread". 9 grams protein per slice and more than 7 grams fiber! You can play with the spices but I really liked how these turned out.

    Prep Time: 5 min.
    Bake time: 30 min.

    Line a 9x9 baking pan with parchment (she says 2 pieces to go each way but I just put in one to my 8x8 and it went up the sides 1/4" which was perfect.

    3/4 cup gluten-free rolled oats - pulse in blender until it is "flour"
    1/2 cup chia seeds
    1/4 cup raw sunflower seeds
    1/4 cup raw pepita seeds
    1 tsp. dried oregano
    1 tsp. sugar (optional but I did add it)
    1/2 tsp dried thyme
    1/2 tsp fine grain sea salt plus a bit more to sprinkle on top
    1/4 tsp. garlic powder
    1/4 tsp. onion powder

    In a large bowl combine everything, stirring well.
    Add one cup of water. It will be runny.
    Smooth with a spatula into the lined pan or you can wet your hands to smooth it.
    Sprinkle with more salt if desired.
    Bake uncovered for 25 minutes of until firm to the touch.
    Cool 5 minutes in the pan then transfer to a cooling rack for 5-10 minutes more then slice into 8 pieces (triangles are nice)... and enjoy! Great with hummus or any topping in my opinion!
    72 days ago
    Yes, the One has "the button" but it doesn't differentiate the type of workout it is tracking and still lumps it under the "all-day" activity pot - which is also all it reports to Spark. It transmits "activity" minutes, number of daily steps and daily miles. Period! Not very sophisticated compared to the SPAT.

    Amazing how such a simple low-tech tracker could provide such high-tech data!. I've LOVED my SPAT!
    76 days ago
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