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To be HONEST with myself

I am 40 and have 2 beautiful energetic children. I want to have some of their energy and be able to keep up with them. I want to become more active and enjoy doing it. I want to like myself and feel good about myself. I work full time and my husband travels with work. My coping mechanism for 39 yrs has been to eat and drink lots of regular soda pop. Time to develop a new way of coping. I joined sparks people I think a yr ago and was doing good with weight loss and than when people start ...
I am 40 and have 2 beautiful energetic children. I want to have some of their energy and be able to keep up with them. I want to become more active and enjoy doing it. I want to like myself and feel good about myself. I work full time and my husband travels with work. My coping mechanism for 39 yrs has been to eat and drink lots of regular soda pop. Time to develop a new way of coping. I joined sparks people I think a yr ago and was doing good with weight loss and than when people start complimenting me I sabatoge myself or think well I can eat what I want. I notice that the more I work-out over the last year I have justified eatting more or splurging when I wouldn't before. I have been off of work here for the last month and it has been difficult and I am on medication that increases my appetite. I have started to do some journaling and trying to take a look at what is it that I am afraid of....etc.. I am writing my food down here at home b/c when I am bored I am finding I want to eat..I get agitated. It's hard when you can't take a break from yourself. I have made of list of to do things this week for the house and me personally to journal on for this week so I dig myself out of the rut I am in. I am wanting to run and with being unable to walk right now is frustrating. I am finding I am conteracting the negative thoughts like: Oh I am going to have to start from square one with my running and exercise once all healed. I am coming back at myself with: thank goodness I have something that will heal, it all takes time. I can still do arms and stomach crunches.

So even though being off work has brought its challenges, I think it has been good on a mental plane because I have needed to slow down and stop over doing to see what I am doing. To stop the denial.

I have a long way to go but it took me a long time to get here also. Back in 2001 my husband was sick for 1 year and bedridden and at the end of that year he lost his leg and I had a 2 year old who just had extensive surgery and another baby on the way and was finishing school again. I made it through everything just great because I ate it away nonstop. Not a healthy way to deal with things, but that's why I look the way I do. Now it's time to adapt and find new healthy ways of dealing with lifes bumps in the road and the daily hustle and bustle. Funny though when you stop all of this behavior how all that pops back up saying I'm waiting for you to deal with me. Well I am dealing and coping and living and being thankful for each day as it is a gift.

My anger ate me up and it took me alot of time to forgive the people responsible for my hubby losing his leg. The one thing it has taken me to learn over the last couple of years to learn is that being angry only hurts yourself and makes it miserable for everyone else to be around you. It has been a grieving period with the lifestyle changes, but when the man upstairs closes a door he always opens another. We have had the awesome opportunity to meet many beautiful people that we never would have met. My hubby has become active in the amputee golf tournament and never letting it stop us. My hubby and I make a great team. He helps encourage me on my life change and I encourage him to lift and work out to strengthen his leg so he will be able to eventually be able to do more. I would like him to be able to go hiking with me.

We are investing in ourselves and our future and our family. We bought a weight system for lifting and got myself and elliptical. We invested in to being there for our children. I am being present in the moment.

My son is my biggest chearleader!! He has no clue how much he helps me. He keeps track if I have worked out or not.

I have a long journey ahead, but it's all about the enjoying the journey.

I long term goal is to do a triathalon. I will do this, it will take awhile, but I will reach my goal. I did reach my goal of my triathlon in august with my sister at my side. My goal this next year I have a few ideas but I will wait until the doctor gives me the green light incase I have to rethink it a bit.

Read More About 2BMINNIEMUSH (Updated August 4)




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Member Since: 11/24/2007

SparkPoints: 666

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My Goals:
Lose 50 lbs.

Become active and fit

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Create healthy habits and maintain them

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Member Comments:
CITYZOZO
4/26/2009 12:00:20 PM

Welcome to the MPLS group... zozo



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BOISESKIGAL
3/14/2009 1:52:52 PM

Hey sis, hope all is good on your end. I am needing to get ready for my work travel to Boston, just not doing a great job of it. Hard part is figuring out how to pack some exercise gear.

My sprint tri is coming up very fast. I need to get some exercise in while gone, plus I don't want to slow down my weight loss. I feel like I am on the right track, and don't want to get thrown off.

What a potential dilemma. Hopefully it all works out.

Take care and have a good weekend! emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/14/2009 1:53:31 PM

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JO*ANNE*IE
2/17/2009 3:51:05 PM

Hello My love ... I cannot believe so much time has passed so quickly .... It is always good hearing from you as I find myself dealing with life challenges, too .. But such is life-- right?? It is all about learning how t perceive issues and cope with them in our lives ...

I am glad that you're back at work and back on the elliptical, albeit slowly. And half days is a great place to start -- at least while the EM is being dealt with fully and completely .... So, again, I am happy that there is a beginning date to your further recovery program ... Before I forget, I love the new gym, btw -- and I know it was a family affair with Steve and the kids!!! You did a great job on it!!! (May I remind you that our home gym is my fave room in the house and where I spend a lot of time!!). I also need to share with you that I fully commiserate with you with the food thing ... It takes lots of planning and prep work, to be sure. The only thing that saves me is the large bags of ready made salad and things like that that make the job easier. Thankfully Earl is helping more too .. It really is a lot -- and you have the kids, too., which is even more work!!! I understand Sweetheart .. truly I do!!! The kids will one day appreciate you for going the extra mile for them and teaching them a life time of good eating... Really!!! And just think, one day they'll help you too!!

My hope and prayer is you reach your goal of April 25 for your run, if you choose to do it -- healthy and fit (that is the day before Earl's birthday!!!).
I know in my heart what you can accomplish when you put your mind -- heart and spirit into it -- and I have a feeling if this is something you want, really and truly want in your life, My Precious Chris, it will become your reality!!

I remain here for you ... Always and Forever!!
Loving you, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blessings and Joy,
Joannie
xxxooo

P.S. Understanding time contraints for all of us, I rarely recommend reading my blogs however, to bring you up to date, this is the best way if you'd like to know...



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BOISESKIGAL
1/27/2009 11:12:36 AM

I love your updated page, and new profile pic!



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JO*ANNE*IE
1/1/2009 7:01:03 PM

My Dear Chris:

I couldn't let the day slip by without telling you just how much your wonderful friendship, love and support has meant to me this past year ... I have no doubt that I couldn't care about you more if I had known you personally for the past 20 years!!! We have had some life challenges this past year, you and I; however, through it all we have endured as we have the blessing of a wonderful friendship where we shared our hopes and dreams -- and life challenges too!!! Thank you for always checking in and letting me know how you are doing -- along with my beautiful niece and nephew!!! (You know how much I have come to adore Matt and Missy, too!!)

We are still dealing with the flood and the basement (Earl took some much-deserved time off so we can really dig in and get the job completed -- throw stuff out, donate, give stuff away, etc.). Know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers and on this day of new beginnings, I wish you a glorious and joyful new year filled with joy, peace and happiness. Whatever is before us, know that together as a team we can will meet it head on!!

God Bless!!!
Love and friendship!
Joanne
xxxooo



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