12/10/12

I am not looking at this as a re-start, but as a new beginning.

2 years ago I was 45 lbs away from my goal. 125 lbs lighter. Then I fell. And I'm back to where I began.

What went wrong? I spent a lot of time thinking about this before I came back. I got too obsessed. Too much exercise burned me out. I was exercising for 90-120 minutes a day, and even though almost an hour of that was at work, it was too much. I had no "me" ...

12/10/12

I am not looking at this as a re-start, but as a new beginning.

2 years ago I was 45 lbs away from my goal. 125 lbs lighter. Then I fell. And I'm back to where I began.

What went wrong? I spent a lot of time thinking about this before I came back. I got too obsessed. Too much exercise burned me out. I was exercising for 90-120 minutes a day, and even though almost an hour of that was at work, it was too much. I had no "me" time, except when I was exercising. If I wasn't working full time, maybe that wouldn't be such a big deal, but it was 100 steps in the wrong direction.

I wasn't getting enough sleep. 20 steps.

In January of 2010, with two big weddings coming up in a month I decided I wanted to get as thin as I could. So I restricted my calories to the bare minimum. No goodies. No ice cream. Lean meat and veggies, and fruit. Which in theory is fine. In reality, it made me crave the things I was denying myself even more. Call that 100 steps in the wrong direction. Maybe more.

When I finally let myself off the leash, in October of 2010, it was just for our vacation, I said. I'll get back on track when vacation is over. Call that 2 steps down the wrong road.

Then I went back to all my bad habits. I'd try to get back on track for a week, and give up again.

Which leads me to where I am now. Today, right now, sitting in front of the computer with Rodrigo y Gabriela playing.

The good thing is, I learned a lot from my mistakes.

I won't make the same ones again.

The bad thing is, once again, I am back to a very unhealthy weight. One that is now starting to give me health issues.

So. Small changes, not big ones. That was the one thing that DID work from my past. That got me from 280 lbs to 165 lbs last time. That will get me from 280 to wherever my goal ends up being this time.

I will not get obsessed. Not with exercise, not with SparkPeople, and not with what food I'm eating, or not eating.

I am not going to set a goal this time. It may take me years to get there, but I will not give up.

One step in the right direction is a beginning. It's better than the thousands of steps I've been taking in the wrong direction.

I am ready. I am back. I will do this.

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