THEDARKMOTHER
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Goal weight - 110


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I look at my page now, after I've been severely motivated, and realized that what used to go in this little box here wasn't nearly enough to get me motivated whenever I looked at it, so how in the world would I be?

Hi everyone! I'm what I like to call a "constant starter". You know the type of person, they're always starting something new, getting other people fired up about it, and completely lose focus in a matter of months. Yeah, that's me. Sure, I might be a little less since I got started, but up until 2 weeks ago, it was still me. And the more that I put it up here, the more that I'll have to acknowledge it and work hard to change it!

My biggest problem in losing the weight wasn't that I was eating too much. No, I wasn't eating hardly anything at all. I hated to eat! I associated eating with everything wrong in my life: my weight, my bad relationships with my parents growing up, my ex-husband. I considered it violent and awful and avoided it when I could, forgoing breakfast and lunch plus drinking anything until dinnertime, when I would eat a rather large meal. All in all, even with that big meal I was rarely reaching 900 calories. I had no energy, my metabolism was spiraling the drain, and my life was still spent in front of a computer screen, so I had no incentive to get moving.

I tried SparkPeople and managed to lose a little weight, but when I plateued, or even worse, gained muscle instead of losing weight, I quickly became discouraged. Not only that, but what I didn't know at the time was that I was perpetuating a cycle that would continue to undermine anything that I did to lose weight.

You see, I was what I would call a "chronic victim" too. Starting at the age of 6, I was molested and/or raped by several people throughout my life. I felt I had no control over my body, and so I didn't. I felt completely insignificant and powerless, to the point that I actually wanted to gain weight in order to make myself unattractive. I risked my health and happiness to try and protect myself.

In the beginning of October of 2010, I had had enough of that stupidity and was looking into the lapband (yet again). My husband saw a news spot about the "Virtual Lapband" in which a trained hypnotherepist gives your mind the suggestion that you have had this surgery done. The amount of weight that I was quoted to lose was astonishing, 100lbs in 3 months!

But there was a catch. The hypnotherepist that I went to (Dr. Alan Suplee), was amazing and explained every little detail. The hypnoband (or any lapband surgery) is designed to keep you from eating, and is specifically for people who consume far too much than they should. I was one of those rare cases that wasn't consuming what they needed, and so it wouldn't work for me. But there was still hope. He and I could get to the root of my problem, teach me some exercises for motivation, and I would lose 4 pounds a week.

I seriously think that he was an angel. Right away I changed my habits and even my attitude about food. I forgave myself and those that had helped me put myself here for what had happened in my past and really felt forgiveness. When I asked God for the same forgiveness, I had a realization that I never needed to ask. His Glory had been with me all along, waiting for me to look next to me to see Him. I was never lost, and I was never wanting. All I had to do was to open my eyes.

I love to eat now, in moderate dosages! I love salads, and I have one every day for either lunch or dinner. The other meal is something with protein in it. Breakfast usually consists of eggs and some carb, or fruit. I only drink water now, and that's all that I crave. I work out every day, walking at least a mile a day, though I've found it easy to make it to 4, even running!

Every day I talk to my subconscious. "You are feeling thin today! You are losing 4 pounds a week, every week! You find losing weight to be easy and fun! You are one of those people who can eat what they want, and still lose weight! You are 110 pounds, you look great, and you are 100% motivated to stay that way!"


Member Since: 8/11/2008

Fitness Minutes: 5,265

My Goals:
My goal is to lose weight, one little bit at a time.


My Program:
I work on the Wii Fit, especially with Yoga, and am trying to cut down on sodas and salty foods.



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Read More About THEDARKMOTHER - Profile Information moved here. (Updated June 30)




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Comments
  • v JAIME007
    Hi, I saw your page and I thought you might be interested in the Alterna~Girls Scrappers/Crafters Team. We are a group of women with various talents who motivate and support one another.

    Please stop by some time to check us out!
    http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/group
    s_individual.asp?gid=19164

    1977 days ago
  • v SERAPHIM_DREAM
    I have seen your name below the line in the food court (wii exercise / attack of the mall santas) every "night" so far.. I have been hanging out in the food court alot too.. hope you will jump in and post before you get voted out! a new shopping day will start at midnight ET.. if you would like we can challenge each other to see if we can both get out of that food court.. what do you say??? hope to hear from you soon!
    Sera :)
    2070 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/24/2010 6:53:21 PM
  • v 1647GINGER
    Thank you for visiting my blog. The Aquarius Wrap was crocheted with a pattern. It took me approximately 8 days to complete. It was fun to do and it reminds me of my youth.


    2097 days ago
  • v ~*~*LISA*~*~
    Stopping by to wish you a beautiful day! emoticon
    2646 days ago
  • v ~*~*LISA*~*~
    I hope that you have a most wonderful New Year!
    2763 days ago
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