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Artist's Rendition of an Innerer Schweinehund!



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Ich werde meinen innerer Schweinehund zu zähmen.

I am working to tame mein innerer Schweinehund ("my inner pig-dog"): Self-loathing. This is my inner demon, and necessitates that I learn to nurture myself rather than punish myself for my mistakes. I am treating this as a road to recovery from my unhealthy self - physically and emotionally - and an opportunity to make over my life so that I can make consistently positive choices. Rather than beating myself up for past mistakes, instead I will exorcise (and exercise!) mein innerer Schweinehund. My mantra is: I am tougher than this, and I deserve to treat myself better. The one person who can best show me the love I deserve is ME.

I was anorexic for 12 years in my teens and early 20s, which never really ended - I just became a fat anorexic. Over the course of just a few years, I went from 92 pounds to 312 pounds due to a combination of medications, undiagnosed endocrine issues, a metabolism very finely tuned by years of starvation, and - of course - many, many mistakes on my part. I have struggled with my weight for almost a decade now, and I have had a lot of learning to do about my body and how to care for myself. I'm not there yet, but I have made significant strides toward being a healthier, fitter, wiser me. I now know that I must fight incredibly hard for every pound - but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to reclaim myself and my health.

I re-committed to myself and my health on May 14, 2012. As of that time, I weighed 312 pounds, which meant my weight had climbed back up to its highest ever. Never again! My goal weight is 130 lbs, give or take, because I do not know what my body should be like at a healthy weight. With ~182 pounds to lose, I have almost 60% of my starting weight to lose. That feels like a daunting challenge, but by approaching my loss one day, one pound at a time, I'm getting there, slowly but surely!

5% lost (296.4) - Met! 6/20/2012
10% lost (280.8) - Met! 11/18/2012
15% lost (265.2)
20% lost (249.6)
25% lost (234.0)
30% lost (218.4)
40% lost (187.2)
50% lost (156.0)
58.33% lost (130.0 - GOAL)

Member Since: 7/29/2010

Fitness Minutes: 15,820

My Goals:
To enjoy life to the fullest as a healthier, fitter, wiser me.

My Program:
* Striving for daily cardio and strength training 3-4x per week
* Experimenting with my diet to find what combination of food my metabolism responds to best!
* Working to change the dynamic with my husband: going from co-enablers to co-motivators

Personal Information:
As a biologist, I am approaching my weight loss from an objective, experimental point of view. Check out my other blog to read about my experiment in regaining health:

Other Information:
I love science & research, reading classic literature, photography, writing short stories and poems, hiking, gardening, and last, but not least, spending time with my husband and our two jack russells.

Read More About SHINING_ON - Profile Information moved here. (Updated August 26)

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 Pounds lost: 29.0 
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    So glad to have you aboard the Chair Exercise SparkTeam!
    90 days ago
  • v DJBTOO
    Welcome to the Chair Exercise Team ... I'm new there as well ... hope to get to know you going forward! take care, dj
    91 days ago
  • v KRYS210
    Welcome to 10k Steps a Day team. Glad you are here. Be sure to check out the various team threads to participate in.
    801 days ago
    I miss youuuu

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    Hope you're good!
    951 days ago
    Not sure how I missed your kind-of recent blog, but I was so glad to see it when I creeped on your page! You don't come up much in my feed lately so I keep hoping you're around. How are things coming along with your meals/calories? I'm overhauling my diet and finding it time-consuming between the prep, chewing, & clean-up! On the plus side, it's a good time for me to do it since I'm not working and have pretty much nothing else to do. Maybe by the time I go back to work I'll be more efficient. Just starting to walk now without a limp, so I've finally got a green light for some time in the gym - starting out with only a few minutes and building up. Miss you & hope you're good!!
    969 days ago
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