SHARON10002   126,961
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Loving Yourself: Sabotaging My Best Efforts

What exactly is self-sabotage, and why do we keep doing it to ourselves . . . over and over again?

Why do we set goals, start working toward them with a sincere effort, and then find ourselves falling back into our previous bad habits? Why do we work so hard in the gym only to binge on food when we get home? Maybe not immediately afterwards - it could be the next day or in a day or two later. It still happens despite our best efforts.

Over the span of my lifetime, ...
What exactly is self-sabotage, and why do we keep doing it to ourselves . . . over and over again?

Why do we set goals, start working toward them with a sincere effort, and then find ourselves falling back into our previous bad habits? Why do we work so hard in the gym only to binge on food when we get home? Maybe not immediately afterwards - it could be the next day or in a day or two later. It still happens despite our best efforts.

Over the span of my lifetime, I’ve counted points on Weight Watchers, ate frozen Lean Cuisine until I could not look at another frozen entrée in the face, worked out at the Y and different gyms and health clubs, drank water until I thought I would burst, and more. Yet it seems that every time I reached my weight loss goal, I then proceeded to gain all or most of the weight back. I do believe over the years that I have actually lost my total body weight as of right now, only to regain it, and then struggle to lose it again.

I know that when I set these goals for myself, I have every good intention to sticking to them. All it takes it one small slip-up, and the next thing I know is I’m careening down that very slippery slope into that abyss once again. I find it so easy to talk myself into that deep, dark abyss of despair. Why do I do these things that ultimately, in the end, only serve to make me feel even worse about myself and absolutely miserable? I end up eating my emotions to feel better about myself, and the fact that yet again I’ve messed up big time.

Self-sabotage is a way of actually punishing yourself when you feel out of control, or you have unmet desires or needs.

For whatever reason, we have some subconsciously and deeply ingrained feelings that we simply don’t deserve what we are working so hard to achieve. I see it as a form of punishment. We find ourselves thinking:

"You’re not good enough today because you skipped your cardio, and just did some strength training."

"You had that piece of your son’s birthday cake, and you didn’t have enough willpower to say no."

We KNOW we were wrong to do it, and so we punish ourselves by further sabotaging our efforts. It could be conscious as in “Well, I had that cake, so I might as well forget about losing weight this week. Or it could be in a way we are not even aware of - an unconscious decision.

Self-loathing is a common feeling I deal with on a regular basis, which generally confirms the opinion that mindset is what is most important for weight loss - not diet or exercise. These are factors as well, and are also a part of the equation, but I need to get my head into the right place and stay there!

This irrepressible reaction is controlled by the subconscious, and the thousands of judgmental thoughts going through your head each day. Self-sabotaging our way of confirming all those negative thoughts that we've been thinking about ourselves.

The first thing we must do is to become aware of it. OK, we can understand that, but what are we going to do about it?

I know that when I “punish myself” I usually do worse, and wind up deeper than I was before.

So, trying to keep this in mind, I am now making an effort to focus on treating myself with kindness and love. I think about how I can take baby steps to overcome whatever it is gently. Through practice, I am finding that this builds my confidence to tackle the next mistake and allows me to make some immediate progress in working toward my goals.

The first thing to realize is what’s done is done. I can’t change what I’m beating myself up for. I did it, and it’s time to "get over it" and move forward again. I find it easier to keep my focus in the “now” rather than months from now. Sometimes that can seem like a daunting task - losing 12 pounds seems like a lot, but losing those same 12 pounds, one pound at a time, seems doable. I need to stop focusing on where I want to be, and shift my focus to what did I improve on today - what did I do better?

What I can do is work on taking those baby steps, and as I feel some success, it helps to reinforce the fact that I CAN DO THIS, and makes me feel better about myself. I don’t expect overnight success, but little by little I can see the progress and helps me to see things are changing and moving in the right direction, and gives me a boost in my confidence for the next step.

Things aren’t going to magically change; accept the fact you are going to slip up, and find yourself in some situations. You’ll win some, and not always do the right thing, and you are going to eat foods you wished you hadn’t here and there. No one is perfect, and to try to strive to be that way just puts us firmly back at “square one” - beating ourselves up and loving ourselves even less.

Just go easier on yourself, and take it from there.
Read More About SHARON10002 (Updated April 6)


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Member Since: 3/10/2010

SparkPoints: 126,961

Fitness Minutes: 77,351

My Goals:
Spring 5% Challenge Goals

* I will track my food and water every day.

* I will track my exercise every day.

* I will concentrate my efforts on a combination of strength training and cardio to achieve my weight loss goal.

* I will strive to exercise every day, but will exercise no less than 5 days a week for a minimum of 30 minutes each day.

* I will aim to accumulate at least 800 Spark Fitness Points every month.

* I will follow the nutritional guidelines set forth by Spark People for me during this challenge.

* I will strive to stay within my Spark nutritional guidelines during this challenge.

* I will stay focused on my efforts to help me move forward to achieve my goals.

* I will strive to lose 12 pounds by the end of this challenge.

* I will eat between 1200-1600 calories/day

* I will try to burn 650 or more calories each week






My Program:
I am doing 30 minutes of exercise at least 5 times per week.

I am focusing on the foods that I eat and how they fit into my nutritional guidelines for the day.

I am also drinking my water, and logging it every day.

I will resume strength training at least 2 times per week.

Other Information:
I am a certified Ai Chi Trainer, and love the water. It is a very giving, healing thing.

Ai Chi, like life, is all about balance - mind, body, and spirit.



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Member Comments:
MONTANAWALKER
4/24/2015 1:50:22 PM

A Little End-of-the-Week Encouragement

We don't have to worry
about how the week went
or how the next one will go.
Because all our days, all our ways,
are in the hands of One who loves us.
We sometimes feel uncertain...
could that possibly be made into good?
Then just when we least expect it, we find the answer--
that all our mistakes, all our hurts,
all we wish we could trade from these past few days
(and from a lifetime)
are being noticed, handled with care, turned into
something more than we could imagine.
You're loved. You're valuable.
You've got a purpose.
God's got a plan.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28




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1CRAZYDOG
4/24/2015 10:07:23 AM

;♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-: -*♥
“Live the life of your dreams knowing you have the power to make it happen.” Gail Lynne Goodwin
.;♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-: -*♥




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SPARKED2BFIT
4/24/2015 3:47:06 AM

emoticon aloha Sharon.... have a great weekend!

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Whatever your desires and dreams, I wish you the match
that lights and revives the fire to keep you going....
and a determination that aspires and inspires to reach your goals.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon



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SPARKFRAN514
4/23/2015 11:38:45 PM

4/24 Each small achievement will soon amount to one amazing success
It always seems impossible until it’s done
You need to let go of Perfectionism and understand 80% will get there Jaynee




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KATHYJO56
4/23/2015 4:20:43 PM

Aaaawww Sharon, I don't know where you found that saying, but it is one that brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much. I hope all is well with you and that you are having happy thoughts today. Hugs, kathy emoticon



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