OHANAMAMA   124,908
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"I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway…
You don't know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be....."

Seasoned sparker who's lost and gained back 30 to 50 lbs too many times.

I'll be blunt. I tracked everything, it works. I lost weight. I stopped tracking, old habits returned, I gained weight. over and over and ...
"I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway…
You don't know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be....."

Seasoned sparker who's lost and gained back 30 to 50 lbs too many times.

I'll be blunt. I tracked everything, it works. I lost weight. I stopped tracking, old habits returned, I gained weight. over and over and over. Of course not tracking isn't the ONLY reason I got fat again, but still... Something is wrong with this method. Fact is, I don't want to track the rest of my life, it's tiring, and not practical, so for me, I gotta come up with a way to lose weight without it. ... and I'm working on that.

Right now I'm basically the heaviest I've ever been. Bouncing between 261 and 257. It sucks. I feel crappy, heavy, constantly out of breath, and my fat clothes are too tight!! Ugh. And I'm mad, at everything, but especially at myself for letting this happen.

I was down to 195 and still losing in August of 2014. Then so much happened. Details I don't want to go into. I stopped giving a crap about myself and just ate ... everything, anything, and a lot of it. So, I finally started some antidepressants. They did help. Everyone said I seemed happier and nicer. LOL (was I ever not nice? Sheesh!) But, after taking them for over a year now, I've tapered myself off my meds. My doc had said that after I started feeling better with the meds I'd lose weight. Bullsh!t. I gained. I gained over 30 lbs after being on them. So, now I'm off the meds. I can tell a difference. I reckon I am a little bit more bitchy, more easily annoyed, ...let's just call it a feeling of taking less crap! But along with that are surfacing feelings of how disgusted I have become with myself, and I need that anger. So, no meds for a while at least. I want to get my... self... together before I take any more chill pills.

So, life is better for the most part, except the fact that I am so fat and definitely a little bit of a witch, but perhaps it's the motivation I need.
Read More About OHANAMAMA (Updated February 10)


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Member Since: 3/21/2007

SparkPoints: 124,908

Fitness Minutes: 19,178

My Goals:
My ultimate goal is to comfortably wear a size 10, to have lots of energy, and to just enjoy life more because I no longer obsess with weight, worrisome weight related health issues or appearance.

2016 goals:
•To lose an average of one pound per week. Yep, just one. I am approaching this differently than I have in years past. It will be a long slow process, losing all I need to lose, but I want it to stick.
•To begin a habit of exercising, starting with the 10 minutes per day, which is just an hour per week (if I rest one day) which isn't a lot, but more than I do now.
•Start Jan 1, 2016: 265
monthly weigh-ins/fitness mins:
Jan 31: 257.5/10
Feb 29:
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My Program:
To consistently choose more healthy foods, eat less, and be more active on purpose.

Personal Information:
I'm Renee, 50, married to my hubby for 29 years, we have 2 boys John-24 Chris-19 & 2 girls Mel-21 Beth-15. We also have lots of fur babies- 3 dogs: Daisy, Anna, & Tag, 2 birds: Amy & Cappie, 9 cats: Juju, Lola, Fonzie, Neo, Minnie, Shuttle, Wee Tiny, Toaster & Walnut.
We live in Arkansas.



Other Information:
I am a pluviophile (lover of the rain), bibliophile (lover of books), lover of animals, the ocean, rock music, art, creativity, writing, drawing, reading (especially Stephen King), hula dancing, horror movies, things that are odd & different & hippy-ish. :)
I still want to get a tattoo, and one of these days I will!
~I love my Lord & my family above all else.

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Member Comments:
THESCARLETWITCH
2/10/2016 12:05:35 PM

I responded to your post. I totally feel you. Check it out!



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THESCARLETWITCH
2/9/2016 5:20:08 PM

Love your page!



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DS9KIE
2/9/2016 4:17:46 PM

Hi emoticon , I’m glad you have joined Eat to Live team. Feel free to look all the message boards, there’s a lot of information, great ideas and of course lots of recipes. Just ask many questions.

Come and eat lots of salads, fruits and veggies.

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TWEETYKC00
2/7/2016 8:11:07 PM

You deserve some time in a spotlight, shine on!



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TWEETYKC00
2/7/2016 10:57:59 AM

Hey, congrats on being the SK Lovers member of the week!



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