ISLANDGIRLMGB   23,417
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Two years down... year three? Letting go of fear, letting love in...

Wow! When I look back at the changes in my life over the last two years sometimes I think, how in the world have a done this (and in some cases survived this). Of course the tough stuff have made me appreciate the goodness in my life even more; awesome, supportive friends and family, a job that I love and thanks in to SparkPeople good health. I am a lucky girl!

3 big losses in my life... my teaching partner of 10 years retired. We were a great team and I miss him very much. My ...
Wow! When I look back at the changes in my life over the last two years sometimes I think, how in the world have a done this (and in some cases survived this). Of course the tough stuff have made me appreciate the goodness in my life even more; awesome, supportive friends and family, a job that I love and thanks in to SparkPeople good health. I am a lucky girl!

3 big losses in my life... my teaching partner of 10 years retired. We were a great team and I miss him very much. My husband of 20 years moved out. Heartbreaking and surprisingly liberating at the same time. And I've dropped a little over 80 pounds. Sounds like an amazing accomplishment but it hasn't been that hard. Let me explain...

When I first started losing weight, I just followed the program. I entered the food I ate in to the tracker and I logged my fitness time. As long as the calories in were less than the calories out, I lost weight.

The ironic part is that it has actually gotten harder the more weight I've dropped. I like to eat and the amount of calories I can have each day has gone down. And 20 minutes of walking on the treadmill doesn't get my heartrate up enough. I've got to run 3 miles or so to get the same results. The last 30 or 40 pounds that are going to be toughest. I can feel it. And not for the reasons I would have thought. Those of you who have been here will understand.

I actually enjoy the tough workouts, so running the 3 miles or doing a tough circuit training class actually excite me. Now that my body can handle it I look forward to the physical challenges. Fewer calories is hard for me. I like to eat. I've made big changes in my diet in the last two years. No soda, very little cafiene, lots of vegatables, lots of water, very litte processed food. These changes are part of my routine now and I have healthy things that I eat on a regular basis that are very satisfying. But sweets!!!! Sugar!!!! I am weak here. When I could have 2300 calories a day there was room for it in my meals but not I'm down to 1700 max. If I stick the plan (veggies, lean protien, whole grain) there isn't much room left for a "treat".

But the most surprising hurdle for me to overcome as I work on the last 30-40 pounds is fear. I sure didn't expect this one. And I think it is fear of actually reaching my goal. Fear of success, mabe??? I've been "the fat girl", now I'm "the fat girl that lost a bunch of weight". Maybe there is a bit of identity crisis in my fear. Who will I be when I've lost all the weight? That has been a primary focus for me in the last two years. Fear of what my focus will be when I'm "done".

So... year three... what do I do? How do I get past the fear? Who will I be this time next year??? I don't have the answer(s) yet. I think this year will be as much about answering these questions as it is droping pounds.

A couple of things I do know. (Back to the beginning) If I follow the program (log my food and activities + fewer calories in than out) I will drop pounds. I will look for more fun physical challenges. I'm going to focus on sugar/sweets in my diet; how I can control or redirect the cravings. And finally (a lesson I've learned from a year of yoga) make the concious effort when that fear gets in the way of getting to the gym or whispers in my ear that one cupcake is no big deal, I'll replace it with love. Call a friend, go for a short walk or simply acknowledg I'm afraid and take loving actions toward myself.

This is a scary time for me. It feels like the beginning of the final push towards something but I'm not sure what is next. So until I "figure it out" my mantra will be "let go of fear, let in love." A happy and loving new year to all of you!


Read More About ISLANDGIRLMGB (Updated December 31)




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Member Since: 1/5/2010

SparkPoints: 23,417

Fitness Minutes: 27,900

My Goals:
Work on reducing sugar/sweets in my daily diet.

Increase core strenght exercises in my workout routine.

Establish a daily yoga practice.



My Program:
First, I'm consistant with my food tracker and drink a bunch of water.

Second, I track my fitness each week.

Fitness activities include yoga, running and circuit training. Looking to add more core strengh to my program.

Other Information:
"The difficult we do right away. The impossible takes slightly longer." Philo T Farnsworth, the father of television

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Member Comments:
EMMABE1
6/8/2011 5:06:14 AM

Thank you for spending the time to read my blog - I think having just put that blog together - the first time I have actually put the developing story together like that and now the penny has dropped - and I am beginning to realise what I have done!! So - I'm just a bit slow in the uptake!! LOL!!
However it has proved one thing to me that if I can do it anyone can do it and you will find that the results are way beyond your wildest dreams!!




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PRINCESSNURSE
5/24/2011 9:15:59 AM

Thanks for your kind comments on my half marathon blog--it was a great race!



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DIANA_IS_BACK
12/26/2010 6:38:56 PM

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and support on my blog. It means a lot to me. emoticon



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ELYMWX
11/27/2010 1:09:46 AM

Thanks for your congratulations on my blog, and congratulations to you too on your progress to date! Good luck on reaching your goal, and keep your paddle in the water.



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MICKEYMAX
5/27/2010 8:12:27 AM

Hi,
I just read your comments you made on a blog about past and presents and feelings about yourself, and I thought you nailed it!
I know exactly what you mean. I'm a much better person now, that my thinner self, but I am creating a new me where both pieces fit. :)



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