I am 155 pounds over-weight! My goal right now is to lose 120 pounds and finally find a positive way to live my life without self- destructing. I am an outgoing, friendly, caring, artistic, passionate mother and wife. But I am not happy. In fact, I have been very depressed for many years. My life has been unmanageable and chaotic for a long time. I have neglected my health and used food to deal with emotions and everyday stress. I worry about EVERYTHING. I try to control what happens to me ...

I am 155 pounds over-weight! My goal right now is to lose 120 pounds and finally find a positive way to live my life without self- destructing. I am an outgoing, friendly, caring, artistic, passionate mother and wife. But I am not happy. In fact, I have been very depressed for many years. My life has been unmanageable and chaotic for a long time. I have neglected my health and used food to deal with emotions and everyday stress. I worry about EVERYTHING. I try to control what happens to me and all my family members so everyone will be happy. I feel like I have to be the "glue" that holds everything and everyone together. Weighing 300 pounds has resulted in my having insomnia, asthma, and depression among other things. I don't recognize the unhappy, fat person in the mirror. Underneath my forced smile is a woman whose spirit is dying. I have to try and get this weight off now even though I am afraid of failing again and gaining even more weight back. This is my last hope. (May 9, 2011)

UPDATE: November 4th, 2011
I have a new life now. I focus on my health everday and love myself for the goals I have achieved on my journey. I am 60 pounds lighter and feeling strong. I look forward to reaching my goal sometime in 2012. I have a whole new attitude...no more negative self-talk. I am a beautiful person inside and out. I am not perfect and that is okay. I am worthy of a healthy body and a happy mind. I have already exceeded my wildest dreams on this journey...nothing can stop me now...I WILL be free!

UPDATE: July 17th, 2012
Well here I am, humbled by my mistakes and back willing to do the work needed to get this weight off. I am fighting the feelings of being a failure. I am scared at the thought of working this program again because I have let self-doubt creep back into my life. I worked a near perfect program for 7 months when I started back in May 2011 and lost 70 lbs. Christmas day I let myself fall off the wagon and have been trying to get back on ever since. I kept working out 3 and 4 times per week but, my food intake was off track and I didn't lose anymore weight. Then I went into a funk and stared eating whatever I wanted. The weight started creeping back on and I ignored it by not weighing myself. Now I have returned from a 2 week vacation and knew I had gained more weight. I know that now it the time to get this under control. I weighed this morining and 17 lbs. back. I have to remember that this is not a diet but, a LIFESTYLE change. I am just one of those people who will be fat if I don't watch every bite and exercise. I am making a new commitment to myself to work to be healthy and strong. My new goal right now is to lose 50 lbs. and get down to 197 lbs. It won't be easy but, it WILL happen if I do the work.

Updated 11/7/12:
Back on Spark after a year long struggle. I have been suffering with depression and no insurance to go for treatment. My sugar addiction has been a problem and I only workout 2 days a week so consequently, I have gained back 27 lbs. of the 70 lbs. I had lost. That adds to my depression. I want to focus on the positive things in my life. I need support to get back to this journey and break free of the emotional ties I have to food. I can't ignore my addiction and continue to give in to it. I must take action. I am the only one who can fix this. I have the power to change.

Read More About FREETHEGODDESS (Updated January 7)

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