I think that the way a couple decides to handle the engagement ring issue is every bit as private as how they decide to handle the rest of the marriage-- I have no more business commenting about that than about what they're going to do in bed together.
In my case, in the abstract, I'm not particularly interested in having an engagement ring at all, so I definitely wouldn't suggest going dutch. But that's in the abstract. If I actually had a specific man in front of me and it was meaningful to him for me to have an expensive ring (and my own finances were a lot better than they are at the moment), then I suppose I might, but it's more likely that I would try to talk him out of it. The only way I would be disappointed by not gettting a ring would be if there were an heirloom in his family that had been passed down for generations and someone broke that tradition. Otherwise, all I would care about would be wedding bands for both of us, and they only have to be good enough not to turn my finger green. A plain $50 band from the local jewelry shop would be fine. It just pains me to think of spending money on a trinket if that means the couple has to cut back on [what are IMHO] more important things.
But again, that's just me. If a man offers a woman a ring and she wants a more expensive one, then I do think she should pay the difference. And they should also spend some time talking about values to see if she wants more than he's willing to give in other aspects of life, too.
We looked at engagement rings together after we got engaged. We chose the ring that I would wear together. Looking for that ring together is a pretty special memory for me. The ring did not cost much but was unique and I loved it. Dh paid for it. I did not want him to spend a large amount of money on a ring. I did not require a ring to get engaged or married.
I feel that if a couple decide to split the cost of the engagement ring or wedding rings that is up to them. I don't feel it indicates that the woman/man's love or commitment is any less than a woman/man who pays the whole cost or so many month's salary.
If a couple truly wants to give each other gifts on the occasion of their wedding or child's birth then that is up to them also. I think if they do it simply because someone else told them they should that is too bad but it is still up to them.
I wouldn't go dutch with an engagement ring, but, I'm of the opinion if I had to pay for any part of the engagement ring then that would have ruined the surprise and I would of been more than disappointed. My SO asked me to marry him on my birthday which he knew would please me because we reconnected on my birthday last year. My fiancÚ bought me an engagement ring and he put thought into what I would like to wear and he chose perfectly but he pays close attention to the things I like and wear. He didn't go overboard with the cost either. He knows I'm a thrifty type person and I would worry if he spent too much on a ring. I'm a guy in a girl's body and I do a lot of exercise and physical work so he picked a simple sturdy ring which made sense. No dutch for me on an engagement or wedding ring though. As I said I'm just an old fashioned type on this subject.
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2,641 9/29/13 12:40 A
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2,986 9/29/13 12:37 A
Absolutely Not! Is that how it's done these days?
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306 9/29/13 12:35 A
I think the man will get better sex if he buys the ring, lol.
I was curious as this has been in the news and they said a lot of women were willing to go half on their ring, but I didn't think it was right I think it's more romantic when the man buys the engagement ring. A bigger diamond doesn't mean he loves you any more and a smaller diamond doesn't mean he loves you any less. I just didn't think that women were into helping pay for their own engagement ring like the poll suggested. Thanks for answering and I'm happily married
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7,994 9/28/13 11:55 P
I think that's something the husband needs to take care of.
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4,787 9/28/13 9:27 P
Absolutely not! If you start out like that now, it will turn into going dutch on everything. If the man really wants to be engaged and married to a woman, he won't cheap out like that. However, the woman should be reasonable about what he may be able to afford. If he can't buy that 2 carat diamond you want now, maybe he can buy it later on in the marriage as an anniversary gift, when he is making better money.
For those asking, why are we discussing this? It is a trend that has been on the news lately.
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11,881 9/28/13 6:16 P
I'm not married!
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3,293 9/28/13 5:58 P
"Going Dutch" doesn't really make sense...do you mean buying your own engagement ring or splitting the cost?
I think that it is up to each couple to decide what works for them.
It doesn't make any difference to me if you want to be old-fashionED or not, but I wonder why you have declared yourself the arbiter of how things should be. Why you even care about this issue since you are already married?
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21,756 9/28/13 5:20 P
I would go dutch on an engagement ring. although, personally, I wouldn't really want one. I'd rather use the money for a down payment on a house/condo. That strikes me as a wiser investment.
What happens if you get divorced ? Do you give back the engagement ring ? Mylie Cyrus just broke up with her financee. The gossip rags say that she's keeping ring. If she broke off the engagement (don't know if that is true or not), then she should give back the ring. If he broke it off, that's kind of a grey area.
Personal opinion ? I think they are better things to spend money on.
And with regards to the statement by Suze Orman that if a man can't afford an engagement ring, what does that say of his finances ? Okay, well I say if only the people who could afford a ring were allowed to get married, then only the rich would be able to wed. In short, if marriages were based on finances, only a handful of people would be married.
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5,855 9/28/13 5:03 P
No, it's just tacky. I wear a beautiful silver band with 4 diamonds from Tiffanies ($800), no engagement ring - and that's just fine. We got married in college and couldn't afford an engagement ring so we chose to go with simple bands. It's all about the vows and the commitment. The size of the diamond does not translate to the size of the love!
I agree, I think part of it is to prove responsibility, planning, and financial capability. If not ready then wait.
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306 9/28/13 3:47 P
If he can't afford to buy a ring on his own he should not get married. Also I don't like tightwads. It's a gift from him. If I bought him a gift I would not ask him to pay half. That type of guy would not be a guy I would be attracted to as it shows a lot about his personality in other areas as well..
I absolutely would not pay for my own engagement ring. I would do anything for the man I would be involved with but that is just tacky.
Fitness Minutes: (30,864)
2,259 9/28/13 1:47 P
This really isn't a matter for debate - it's personal between the two people involved. There are too many should/shouldn'ts around engagements, weddings - all leading to tantrums and drama. Discuss it between you
NO WAY. If a man doesn't care enough to get you an engagement ring, he isn't really committed to you. I wouldn't have married my husband unless I knew he was completely committed. Marriage is about the joy of giving to the other. There are plenty of times where the wife gives to the husband, let him take care if you in his turn.
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774 9/28/13 11:30 A
I don't remember. I know that we went together and picked out the engagement ring and wedding bands together.
I'm curious how many of you would go dutch with your engagement ring? Call me old fashion but I still think that's the one thing a man should buy out of love for his lady, I also don't think that a woman should put such high expectations on a guy for a ring either. My husband picked out my ring and when he gave it to me he said if I wanted to change it I could, but I didn't because I wanted him to pick it out and buy what he could afford it's not a huge rock BUT there's huge LOVE behind it and if I ever had the means to upgrade it I wouldn't the ring means waaaaaaaaaaaay too much to me. The symbol behind the ring is a commitment and it's given out of love meaning your the one the wants to grow old with and he's chosen you to bring your both hearts together to bring a miracle into the world made out of your love if you so choose to have children. I think it would ruin the surprise of getting engaged.... I'd be willing and did pay for half the wedding bands as we did live together first to make sure that we could work as a couple. I also don't believe in the groom buying a gift for you marrying him his heart to me is his gift and mine to him. I also don't believe in push gifts after having a baby, the baby is a gift you have given to one another. Just my feelings
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