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working butt off and feel unappreciated



 
 
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DRAGONCHILDE
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Posts: 9,521
4/5/12 5:37 P

Sit down and TELL HIM. Men are not psychic, and aren't hardwired to get it. If he's not appreciating you, sit him down and tell him that, as nonconfrontationally as possible (use I statements, not you statements.)

You can't be angry at him for not guessing what the problem is. He's likely taking you for granted. Time to wake him up.



MIZZOUMAC
Posts: 39
4/3/12 12:55 P

I feel your pain! We have that problem in our family,but mainly because my husband and I are opposites. He wants me to do things HIS way, and I go by the philosphy if you want it done your way do it yourself. If I ask my husband to do something, it is as if he immediately does the 'man' thing of interpreting it as a command which must be ignored. However, he has no patience and becomes frustrated when something he wants done is not done immediately. I have now decided stress is not healthy and I refuse to worry about certain things. I refuse to compromise my sleep, workouts, or spiritual time to make sure the 'small' things are taken care of. If they bother me THAT much I do it myself. If it doesn't it will sit and they will have choices. "Can my friends spend the night?" No, we don't have company when your room is a mess and your bathroom is not cleaned. "Would you please change out that lightbulb in the closet, hon?" "I'm too tired". "You are right, I am exhausted also. Since we are all taking it easy tonight I think it is sandwiches for dinner." Repeat until the point is taken. Everyone should contribute, but sometimes a little creativity in getting the point across goes alot further than trying to reason with them.



NEWTINK
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4/1/12 7:53 P

I understand how you feel. I moved back to our in Mississippi while the other half is still in La. I came home to house that was a disaster, a yard that was worst than the house and more headaches than one person should have to endure. He is there with a maintenance man, a grounds keeper and his buddies. while i am here trying to figure all this out. I asked him earlier today were we going to be alright and he replied sure why not ... Really i am just about tired of it all. This stress is unbelievable and he doesnt seem to get it . Not sure if this fits in here to the this board but i am just like you unappreciated and overwhelmed.



BAMSY2310
Posts: 9
4/1/12 4:09 A

glad to hear i'm not the only one! love the replies so thanks! only thing is I have no time to get things done as is....much less take some time for myself. Let's be real, I can't even go pee by myself 95% of the time! Plus if i manage to book a little much needed me time, I don't have the funds to do anything nice for self. I guess my real concern is more along the lines of

how do you get the other half to KEEP helping out? Instead of his usual couple days and back to his turtle kingdom of not helping?

and i can't just stop doing stuff that involves him (as was one suggestion). otherwise it builds up and starts to infringe on my kids and my own stuff anyhow. it's like it all has to be done to get to next thing on the list because somehow it's all connected.

i just want it to stick in his head that I need help. Or if you are going to go back to not helping after couple days....than give me some props on regular basis! I mean appreciation never killed anyone. lol



JENRDN69
Posts: 141
4/1/12 1:23 A

OMG --- I SOOO Understand this one. My husband was on vacation this week from work (basically he had to take the days or lose them)...I am at a really busy time in my work and so I've been leaving at 5 am, go to gym, get to work by 7 and am not home until like 5:30 pm...AND NOTHING is done. So, I get to make dinner, pick up the house, help the kids with homework (they are just 9 and 10), pack lunches for school, etc. And yes, I've told him I'd appreciate XYZ and he chooses not to do them! I'm lucky if I sit down by 8 pm to eat my dinner. Even when not on vacation -- it is the same. I come home and do everything basically.

Then, sometimes I travel for work... and while it does help my husband appreciate some of the things I do, he complains on the phone that "I don't get to relax until like 9 pm" and I'm like "welcome to my world every day!"

Edited by: JENRDN69 at: 4/1/2012 (01:23)


EBBKATE
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3/31/12 9:19 P

So hate that MOM burden we take on. My 3 are teenagers now and its worse I feel. When they were smaller you could sing the Barney song "Clean up, Clean up, everybody everywhere" LoL...So I feel your pain with doing in home daycare. I agree with the post about taking some time for yourself. I know its hard but just starting with 5 minutes you will learn how much you need it and that time will grow.

Thoughts & prayers...



ERH12275
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3/31/12 8:19 P

It sucks...it really does. My husband and kids never realized what I did until I got sick. I ended up having emergency surgery...was on a vent 3 days and in the hospital for 12. THen when I came home I couldn't do anything for 2 months. They finally realized that MOM takes care of EVERYONE. My husband was so scared I was going to die...and he had no idea what to do.

While it was nice for them to finally see what I DO...I wouldn't wish what happened to me on anyone.

I hope your life gets easier!



ZORBS13
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Posts: 12,698
3/31/12 6:01 P

take a few days for yourself, book a spa getaway and stop doing all the extra stuff, especially for your husband. Go on a cooking/cleaning strike and do only what needs to be done for kids and yourself. SO will get the message eventually.



BAMSY2310
Posts: 9
3/31/12 1:14 A

I'm a mom who runs daycare out of my home so I work 50 to 60 hours a week. Plus I have a son and a grown man who is basically another kid to pick up after. I'm losing weight. ANd basically I'm tired of "doing it all" and getting no appreciation. And you know what I mean... the cleaning, cooking, caring for a ton of people a day, and all else that comes with being mom, wife, so on. I have had conversation with the other half about it and it works to get a little more help for a couple days and then it is back to the usual me doing everything with not enough time in the day. I just don't know what to do anymore. And the more it goes on the more moody and irritated I have become. SO am I the only one who feels this way? If not, what can I do to at least feel like I'm a little bit appreciated for even a quarter of what all I do? or to make it not seem so overwhelming?!



 
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