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SUZAN30 Posts: 267
1/29/13 11:31 A

Stephen--you are so right. I look at photos of myself when I was in my 20s and now think I looked great. I was active and at a healthy weight, but at the time, I felt I was too fat and dieted constantly. I'm trying now to not focus on numbers or sizes, but on health, so it pains me to see my daughter so worried about staying at a particular size.

STEPHEN_NANNY SparkPoints: (0)
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1/29/13 9:50 A

This thread breaks my heart. I'm not a parent, and I'm not a woman, so I have no useful advice. It breaks my heart because I think - if only teenagers could know now what they will learn later on, they would be freed of some of the worry, angst, self-doubt, and sometimes self-loathing that comes with being that age.

They would learn that curves are beautiful...physical 'oddities' become interesting and attractive characteristics...most people don't find bony and skinny to be appealing...that being comfortable in your own skin is 1000x more attractive than model-looks...that when someone loves you, you morph into a 10 in their eyes...that differences,not sameness, are sexy.

Edited by: STEPHEN_NANNY at: 1/29/2013 (09:51)
SUZAN30 Posts: 267
1/29/13 9:18 A

Thanks to everyone for the advice. Beanbydesign hit the nail on the head. I think her weight is fine but the overly tight clothes look a bit "tarty" and, well, uncomfortable. I'm afraid to say anything about the clothing because she might misinterpret it as "I'm too fat." She's never had a weight issue and I've seen no sign of disordered eating but she takes pride in her being slender and fit and is dismayed to have put on a few pounds. Anyway, I think I'll keep quiet.

AILEBBELIA SparkPoints: (13,418)
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1/28/13 9:16 P

I went through the same thing your daughter is going through.

I was a size Double 0 to a zero in high school, but towards they end of the year, I gained a couple of pounds.

I freaked out and my eating disorder got worst! (Nobody mentioned my size, though. I would have probably overdosed or done something impulsive if someone mentioned it.)

This is a stressful time for her. The last thing she needs is to feel like others are judging her body size.

People with eating disorders or disordered eating control their body/food because they feel like there is something that they can't control in their lives. (Getting into college, roommates, dorms, money etc.. are all things that not 100% under her control.)

That is why people are more vulnerable to develop an eating disorder or disordered eating during stressful times or times of transition (like college.)

My mom let me wear clothes that was 6 sizes to big and stuff that was way too tight when I gained and went from 90 pounds to 110 :)

SPORTYLAWGIRL SparkPoints: (11,843)
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1/28/13 8:37 P

Don't tell her that her clothes are too small. If you has some accomplishment (gets an A on a test, wins a sports game, etc) say congrats and throw her some money and tell her to have fun the next time she goes shopping. She may not end up getting something you like, but she may.

We all look back and regret the clothes we wore when we wore young and foolish (about ages 12 to 20 for me). Remembering bad outfits is something to laugh about. Remembering your mom telling to buy bigger clothes is scarring.

When I hit puberty and my boobs grew (I didn't notice) I blamed my mom for shrinking my sweaters in the dryer. She apologized (although she knows that's not what happened) and took me shopping. I look back on those shrinking sweaters and laugh.

Edited by: SPORTYLAWGIRL at: 1/28/2013 (20:39)
BEANBYDESIGN SparkPoints: (31,283)
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1/28/13 7:22 P

Does she have an older (female) cousin or sister or older friend she looks up to who could have this conversation with her? I made some, let's say, "interesting" emoticon fashion choices as a teenager, and I definitely never listened to anything my mom had to say about it, but I had a friend who was two years older who I really looked up to who at one point talked to me about my fashion choices (when I was complaining about how hard it was to find a first job), and it made a big impact.

It sounds to me like the issue isn't so much "hey you gained weight" as it is "hey, those pants are scandalously tight" (meaning, you'd be having this conversation with her if she was a 0 trying to squeeze into a 00, or a 12 trying to squeeze into a 10, or anything in between).

SNOWJESTER SparkPoints: (29,896)
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1/28/13 7:18 P

I wouldn't say anything. Trust me, she knows she gained weight without you pointing it out. My mom does that to me and it's unnecessary and hurts my feelings.

SUZAN30 Posts: 267
1/28/13 7:04 P

Thanks everyone. She is 17 and a high school senior and has just finished the college application process so she has been both more stressed and less active than usual. Again, I think her weight is fine. I just don't like the super tight skinny jeans!

1/28/13 6:45 P

I think it may depend on the age of the daughter. Are you talking about a 14 year old (who may need to go shopping and is not done growing), or someone who is 19 (and then it is a totally different situation).


Dietitian Becky

Edited by: DIETITIANBECKY at: 1/28/2013 (18:45)
KRISTEN_SAYS SparkPoints: (80,021)
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1/28/13 5:52 P

Stay silent. I'm sure she realizes that they're snug. I never appreciated comments from relatives. (My grandfather's comments did give me the push to lose weight, but since your daughter is at a healthy weight, I see no reason for you to say something.)

MICHELLEXXXX SparkPoints: (11,710)
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1/28/13 5:43 P

I would involve her in our Church women's Bible study groups. Then, I think I would tell her how much I love her; be gentle, loving, and confident towards her; and tell her I am always there for her.

If the jeans are appropriate, I would support her style expression.

My love and respect to the mothers of this world.

Edited by: MICHELLEXXXX at: 1/28/2013 (18:40)
YOJULEZ SparkPoints: (15,981)
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1/28/13 5:37 P

Coming from having a mother and an aunt who would make comments about my weight (even though they both struggled with weight themselves), I would keep silent. In my case, I knew I had gained weight, and having them point it out to me just hurt my feelings, and made me feel guilty and like I was a disappointment to them. Chances are, your daughter already knows that she has put on some pounds and realizes her clothes are getting tighter (she is the one wearing them after all) and is beating herself up about it.

Edited by: YOJULEZ at: 1/28/2013 (17:37)
SUZAN30 Posts: 267
1/28/13 5:27 P

My daughter has always been thin and fit. She's an athlete and a vegetarian. Recently she has gained 5-10 pounds probably because of snacking, but at 5'3" she only weights 108. She absolutely does not have to lose weight, but she insists on wearing jeans that she bought when she was thinner and she is fixated on wearing a particular size (yep, "0"). I think her clothes sometimes look a bit too tight, and I'd like to suggest she go up a size but I'm worried that it might be viewed as criticism. Would you say something or keep silent?

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