Author: Sorting Last Post on Top Message:
CJBIRDJO1 SparkPoints: (10,114)
Fitness Minutes: (15,191)
Posts: 54
5/25/13 9:58 A

I am doing both WW and Sparks (which is working for me). My husband and I are the only ones at home now. He has historically been the one to bring home snack cakes, cookies, etc. With "this go-round", I have been much more open about what I'm doing. I just tell him, I don't have enough points left for that, or I'm just not hungry enough to care for it.

Over time, he has begun to say things like "I don't want to be a bad influence". The last few times we went grocery, he's put things like fresh fruit and such into the cart. He doesn't pay for a gym, but we really can't afford it right now. He does leave the house so I can work out (my hang up-not his..not comfortable or graceful enough to work out in front of him). He also suggests I measure out my food at dinner, etc., before he eats. He says then he doesn't have to worry about leaving too much or too little for my meals. Now he also asks "how many points is this..or that".

I guess what I'm trying to relay, is that for me, being very open and honest with him has helped us both more, and the plan is working for me.

My advice is to hang in there and be open. He'll "get it" with time.

LIBERTYWALK SparkPoints: (8,622)
Fitness Minutes: (13,407)
Posts: 45
5/25/13 9:14 A

I, too, am the only female in my family. My husband and two active teenage sons have naturally thin physiques and a liking for "junk" food. There are at least 10 boxes of cereal, a pail of ice cream, numerous bags of chips, and soda in my household right now.

It will be extremely difficult for you to ignore these temptations at the beginning of your weight loss journey, but if you persevere, there will come a day when those foods will no longer appeal to you. In the meantime, keep plenty of convenient, healthy alternatives at hand (such as a bowl of grapes, washed and ready to eat.)

I still occasionally nag my husband not to buy and bring the "junk" into the house, but I don't do it for me. I do it because I want him and my sons to eat and be healthy, too.

Good luck to you!

Edited by: LIBERTYWALK at: 5/25/2013 (09:20)
ELMA1913 Posts: 5,051
5/25/13 8:21 A

Good luck!

J2740LOU SparkPoints: (217,554)
Fitness Minutes: (221,134)
Posts: 3,775
5/24/13 8:00 P

I never tried to change my husband's or children's eating likes. I did slowly introduce their taste buds to healthier eating habits. I just keep focused on my likes and, if necessary, I prepare my own legal version of what's for supper and cook theirs the way they're used to. These were the rules: I won't touch your ice cream and candy, but don't you dare eat my share of the veges and fruit! They took that seriously and respected my choices.

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (101,558)
Fitness Minutes: (76,885)
Posts: 2,953
5/24/13 7:40 P

Well after reading all the posts, there is nothing else to add but for you to learn to live with temptation.....it takes 21 days to make a habit but a lifetime to live it

Good luck!

BERRY4 SparkPoints: (147,059)
Fitness Minutes: (87,586)
Posts: 7,207
5/24/13 4:43 P

It tends to be a mixed bag when dealing w/ family. On one hand, I moved up my needs in terms of budget. I explain that both the cost of the gym and my need to get there are directly related to my health and well being. -- I figure that if medicine & doctor visits cost a certain amount of $$'s, then working out in a preventative manner pays those $$'s back to me (& the family budget).

The area we all still have issues with is the food that is allowed in the house. It is 1 against 4 for the most part, and 3 of the 5 of us are overweight. I find that it is an uphill battle to deal with the foods on hand.

Check out the book, "Hunger Fix" which addresses the fact of food addiction. -- Food is the one addiction that you can't turn you back on and never have another bite, smoke, drag, shot, ETC. One way or another, it could help to find at least 1 or 2 friends (or Spark People) to encourage you in your struggle / journey.

Edited by: BERRY4 at: 5/24/2013 (16:46)
HAPPYGIRL511 Posts: 1,541
5/24/13 4:03 P

I sympathetic with you on what you are going through, but they are only hurting themselves and that is really sad. I admire that you have obviously stuck to your plan and have found with persistence and determination that you are going to continue to commit to healthy habits and go to the gym.

I would make sure when they are having there baskin robbins and what have you that you have things that you know will work for you on your diet, sherbet, yogurt, etc. At best if eventually you should have to sacrifice the gym due to financial restraints remember that most local libraries now have an entire video, dvd library of materials and many carry a nice selection of fitness dvd's. I find since money is tight for us that having the library accessible to me that I always have variety and opportunity to try various exercises, yoga, walking at home, aerobics, aerobic dance, pilates, etc. Just something to think about.

I hope that in time the attitude of those around you change and when they see your results paying off perhaps it will be you they turn to for guidance and support.

God Bless, Debbie (leader of "where the spirit leads" and "journey to a new YOU".

PLUGINALONG SparkPoints: (24,468)
Fitness Minutes: (5,137)
Posts: 817
5/24/13 2:44 P

yes, along with un-cooperative co-workers.

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,855
5/24/13 2:44 P

It may not be 1958 anymore, but not everyone can have the luxury of having their own bank accounts especially in this economy and especially if you don't work due to wanting to be a homemaker/stay at home mom,,being disabled or sick.
I think it's horrible to think that he got upset about paying for the gym, but sometimes we do say that we're going to go and then its a wasted membership and maybe he thought that's what it would be like, but GOOD for you for proving him wrong!
Also you've asked and asked for them for support, it's okay if they buy it but maybe they should keep it in a place that you can't see or know about.
This might sound drastic but maybe you should give them a reality check like saying this is what it would be like if I didn't start choosing my health over food (don't do anything in the house for a few days or a week to let them see what it would be like to live life without you if your high bp or high cholesterol did you in) maybe then they'll see how lucky they are to have such a wonderful wife and mother they have in their life and will make better choices on at least hiding their goodies in the house.
High cholesterol and high bp are killers I know people are always sorry after a person is gone, they have the time to support you in this and let them see just how important you are in the house, in their lives!
Sometimes people don't realize what they have until it's gone, maybe your family needs a wake up call. I wish you the best on your journey and really hope your family becomes more supportive... I wasn't trying to be morbid @ all in what I was saying, it's easy for everyone to say it's up to you to make the right choices for you , but lets face it , its very difficult I'll attest for that and so when you love someone you try to be supportive.
If choices were easy to make , if saying no was easy to say, none of us would be here.
God Bless!

LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 1,929
5/24/13 1:42 P

You can't make other people change, but you can change yourself.

For your entire life, people around you are going to be eating junk. Not just your family, but your friends, co-workers, etc...

You need to make the choice to not eat the junk that your family members are bringing home. Tell yourself that you choose not to eat that way and that your health is more important than some candy, ice cream or whatever it may be. I know that it sounds hard, but, really, it's just a matter of practice. The more you practice this behavior, the easier it will get. Pretty soon, you'll stop being so tempted. After a while, you'll start to wonder why you ever wanted (insert junk food item here) because it's really not that good and it's also not a healthy choice.

Focus on eating a healthy diet filled with good, nutrient-rich, foods that you enjoy eating. That's really important...you need to be eating healthy foods that you ENJOY. So, give your favorite foods or recipes healthy makeovers and try some new, healthy, foods. Find foods that leave you feeling satisfied. You really don't, for example, need that ice cream to satisfy a sweet tooth. Find something else (something healthy) that will satisfy your sweet tooth and eat it as a regular part of a meal or for a scheduled snack. Maybe try some nonfat greek yogurt (I like Fage 0%) mixed with a little Splenda and a drizzle of honey. Not only will it provide that "something sweet" in your diet, greek yogurt is a really healthy choice (packed with protein and other good stuff).

Really, you can avoid the junk. Do it for a while and you'll stop wanting it.

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (61,851)
Fitness Minutes: (40,069)
Posts: 4,472
5/24/13 12:00 P

hey, I know that it's difficult to not give in to temptation when it's right there. But there will ALWAYS be times when tempting treats are placed right in front of you. Use this experience to work on your 'NO'! Practice makes perfect, right?

mom is forever making all this decadent stuff. I can't stop her from baking, but I don't bring it home. When I'm there, I only eat one SMALL portion, and only if it's something I really want.

it's nice to have people in your life who support you, but sometimes it's just not very realistic. I have had so many 'exercise buddies' over the years who are still friends, but they don't meet me at the gym or for a walk any more.

When you get down to it, there is only ONE person you can always make do what you want them to do
emoticon

ANARIE Posts: 12,488
5/24/13 11:47 A

1) "It was a fight to get husband to pay for that"
Why is "husband" paying for that? Why don't you have your own account to use? If he controls all the money, that's a much bigger problem than paying for the gym, and that needs to be discussed and dealt with. It's not 1958 anymore; EACH spouse needs to have access to at least some money for which they do not have to be accountable. And you can also sit down and calculate how much a 25% reduction in your medication amounts to, and how long it would take for that savings to offset the cost of the gym.

2) If hubby is buying licorice and ice cream, that's HIS licorice and ice cream. Tell yourself, "Not mine." If you had a roommate to whom you weren't married, even if you shared general grocery bills, you wouldn't eat the treats they paid for separately. Why would you treat you husband with less respect than a random roommate? Tell yourself that it's disrespectful and wrong-- it's stealing. (I'm sure he doesn't really feel that way, but if you convince yourself that he does or you do, it's a lot easier to stay out of it.)

3) For the adult kids, it depends on your relationship to them and why they're living at home. But basically, they shouldn't be spending money on junk food; they should be saving every penny so they can get out on their own.

If they're using your money, you could say, "I want to help you out. I think one easy place to save is grocery bills. This is what we spent last month. This month, all I'm going to buy is basic commodities-- lean meat, fruit, vegetables, beans, oatmeal, brown rice, whole wheat flour, fresh dairy products, and eggs. I will make basic healthy meals for everyone to share, but nothing beyond that. That doesn't mean you can't have the food you like; if you want cookies or pizza, we have all the ingredients for you to make them. At the end of the month, whatever we've saved gets divided up and deposited in your savings accounts. If one of you wants to save us even more money by making yogurt or baking bread or whatever, keep an account of that and we'll give you a bonus."

If they're using their own money, you could be really hard core and say, "If you have enough money to waste on Baskin Robbins, you have enough to chip in for your share of the electric bill" or whatever they're not helping with already.

Or, you could totally treat them like adults, and anything they bought with their own money is THEIRS-- you keep your hands off it and make their siblings leave it alone, too. Have people label their treats. That works for everyone, including you-- if you buy fresh cherries or asparagus, etc, that you only intended for yourself, you can write your name on the bag and know they'll still be there when you want them.

And honestly, they're not being uncooperative or sabotaging you, unless they NEVER brought unhealthy food home before you started changing. The only way someone can sabotage you is by holding you down and force-feeding you, or sneaking an extra cup of butter into dinner when you're not looking, or locking you into the house so you can't exercise. If those things are happening, you need police intervention. Anything less than that isn't sabotage; it's just them going on with their lives the way they've always lived.

Sometimes it helps if you separate it from food and weight and just think of it as a different type of change. What if you had decided to improve your life in a different way? Say, for example, you decided to go back to school and get a degree in tax accounting. It would be a very good thing, for them eventually as well as for you. But would you expect them to participate? Would you expect them to stop wasting time watching sports on TV and study with you instead? Would you get mad if they didn't help you with your homework? Would you threaten to throw out all the books and magazines they like to read because you're too tempted to read those instead of your schoolbooks?

The weight loss is YOUR project and YOUR responsibility, not theirs. Choosing not to join you isn't the same as sabotage; it's just a case of you having different interests and needs.

TRIPLEMWF Posts: 843
5/24/13 10:46 A

Not to be snarky, but are they forcing you to eat the junk food that they are buying? Even if they are offering it to you, "thanks, but no thanks" can go a long way. There are 7 people living in my house and I'm the only one who needs to / is trying to lose weight. Why should they have to change what they do and how they eat for me? If anything, I cater myself to their needs. They want Chicken Pot Pie for dinner? I just keep some chicken and veggies to the side for myself. Pizza? I order salad.

This journey is about you and no one else. You need to be the one to say "no". It's your willpower. It's your diet. It's your life. And it's no one else's responsbility but yours.

PATTIJOHNSON Posts: 2,075
5/24/13 10:43 A

Yeah, I agree that it is really tough to see foods that you shouldn't being eating all around you all the time, especially at home. I fortunately, don't have that problem because my husband and I always eat the same healthy foods -- he sometimes a little bit more than I, but basically the same foods. I'm also lucky that he is not a snacker either -- that's more my style. What's more, its very hard to cook two separate meals (one for you and one for him) every day -- that gets tiring.

With meals, maybe you can make the same things for the both of you, and maybe just add something extra to his (like, say, a potato when you aren't having one). Maybe you can ask him if he can eat his snacks not in your view (or you can go do something else while he eats his snacks).

Ultimately, like everyone else says, you will be the only one who controls what goes between those two lips. Stay strong! Keep the willpower to say NO!

Edited by: PATTIJOHNSON at: 5/24/2013 (10:45)
DMJAKES Posts: 1,607
5/24/13 8:23 A

As others have said, you cannot make anyone else walk the same path as you are.....have you sat everyone down and explained how difficult it is for you? How about asking them for some suggestions on how they can keep their treats yet not be so in-your-face with them? They might have a little more stake in it if they suggested the solution.

DUBLINROSE Posts: 2,059
5/24/13 7:17 A

My mother and siblings would be like this. I am doing WW too and always have a few treats at the weekend. I work hard during the week so I can really enjoy them but I am constantly faced with comments like "oh don't eat that, you'll get fat"

I have to remind them that I know what I am doing and that if they want to make comments they should try and aim for supportive ones.

Don't let them get you down, the best way to deal with them is to succeed.

You go girl!

WENDIBUGG Posts: 655
5/24/13 7:14 A

I joined WW at the end of 2011 when my husband living in Korea for a year. I have to say it was much easier to lose the weight when he was gone. I would just buy my kids snacks that I didn't like. When he came I had lost almost 40 lbs, but I would get really stressed if something messed up my routine. Kinda have a little OCD going on. lol He didn't work for about a month and a half after he came home and while he seemed supportive of my weight loss , he kept doing things or planning things that messed up my exercise time. He would get annoyed when I would mentioned that I really needed to go to the gym. He tried going with me but didn't like my gym and refused to go back. Then we moved and I ended up gaining back about 20 lbs in 9 months. The last few months I've been working really hard to get those 20 lbs back off (and succeeded). With him here there are definitely more snacks in the house but I ask myself is eating something not good for me worth the amount of exercise I have to do to work it off. Usually the answer is no. It's better to learn in the beginning how to say no to bad foods because there will always be some situation that comes up from time to time that can be dangerous to healthy eating.

SHERYLDS Posts: 12,180
5/24/13 5:20 A

I hate to say this...but don't do the blame game ...it never ends.
It can happen at work, with friends, family, etc.
Get your own treats and focus on what's important to you.
Remember that it's your choice that counts, it goes into your mouth, and you are the one who is going to get the reward or face the consequences.

ELLES26 Posts: 447
5/24/13 4:48 A

They will eventually come around....

SARAHF1988 Posts: 603
5/24/13 4:46 A

I've had this problem with my partner, and he pointed something out that I hadn't thought of. He said that he is happy for me to change my eating habits but he doesn't need to or want to change his. It's upto ME how much I eat and what I eat, not him. He will have healthier dinners that I cook for the two of us but throughout the day he will still eat "bad" food and sometimes have a dessert. I don't want to effect his life, he burns food off so much quicker and easier than I do, so for him to lose weight all he needs to do is up his exercise and perhaps eat one less naughty treat than he usually would, but for me to lose I have to eat well and get plenty of exercise. I don't want my decision to lose weight to interfere with his life and enjoyment, so I realise that it is my responsibility to say no thanks and not be tempted when watching him eat. I find it helpful to realise that this is a lifestyle change and it WILL be happening throughout my journey and in the future. It's not something that's going to change so it's easier to just accept it and move forward. I try to ask myself do I really want that doughnut or do I want to lose weight? Most of the time, it's just not worth it.

MARTYJOE SparkPoints: (18,433)
Fitness Minutes: (6,061)
Posts: 428
5/24/13 4:28 A

I think family just forgets sometimes how hard you have to work to lose weight. I really don't think it is intentional.

LIVINGPRESENT SparkPoints: (18,222)
Fitness Minutes: (25,596)
Posts: 286
5/24/13 4:08 A

My ex would encourage me to get in shape until it interfered with his running or what he needed. I have family members who think it is OK for me to take care of myself as long as it does not interfere with what they want. My daughter really wanted a Burger Master Milk Shake on Mother's day. She told me the week before that she was taking me to lunch at Burger Master. I asked her if it was OK if I did not get a milk shake and we went home for lunch. She said yes but then she ordered my favorite milk shake (peanut butter) and a blackberry for herself.

I think a lot of people are threatened by change and will go out of their way to ensure that things stay the same. Good Luck with your family. I hope you are able to find a way to convey to them how important this journey is to you and that they can see this is a journey you can all take together.

TCANNO SparkPoints: (117,492)
Fitness Minutes: (74,998)
Posts: 20,757
5/24/13 3:51 A

Not ever had to deal with anything like this.

I hope that you solve your problem as it will stress you out on your journey



PINKTOFUHEART Posts: 15
5/24/13 1:53 A

So I am trying really hard to lose weight and improve my health. I've got high cholesterol, high bp and am about 50 lbs overweight. I am going to the gym, (which was a fight to get husband to pay for that) and now husband and adult kids who still live at home are buying baskin robbins, licorice, you name it... I've tried just about everything to reason with them. I am the only female in the house. I'm tempted to just start throwing stuff in the trash... anyone have family that either doesn't cooperate or even sabotage them?!

Page: 1 of (1)  




Other SparkPeople Cafe Topics:

Topics: Last Post:
How do I get back 11/12/2013 12:31:43 AM
Which one should I focus on? 9/15/2013 5:06:23 PM
Got to say Good-Bye 12/5/2013 9:05:18 AM
Which is better a resistance band or dumbbell? 12/7/2013 6:41:23 AM
Girl question 11/6/2013 11:18:06 AM

Diet Resources: blood thinner food | acetaminophen blood thinner | blood thinner coumadin