Oh yes. I have a 15yo daughter and we've been going through this for several years now. And nothing seems to help! At this point I'm chalking it up to her teenage brain. We've kind of gone with the previous poster's suggestions: letting nature take it's course. She may fail a grade or two. But there are thousands of other parents who WISH their biggest problem with their kid was his or her grades. I try to remember that when we're dealing with her craziness.
"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit." e. e. cummings
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2/3/12 6:42 P
I feel your pain. My daughter is only 9 and I still feel like I'm in war and she's on higher ground. We've tried positive rewards, negative consequences and nothing seems to work. Have you tried researching any books? I'm about to start on my search now!!
Good luck and keep up the amazing parenting!
2/3/12 10:38 A
With the non-dangerouse issues (homework, shower, etc.), let natural consequences take their course. If he fails to turn in homework, he'll get the natural consequence. If he fails to shower, eventually his friends/others will let him know he stinks--a natural consequence. He doesn't have to be responsible in those areas because he has his parents' support that he can fall back on. (Thank you, by the way, for supporting your kid, not all parents do.) As for the inhaler, well, that is about his actual health. I agree with the previous poster that the replacement cost should come from his allowance, birthday gifts, etc. Paying for it may make him value it much more.
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2/3/12 8:57 A
I wanted to let you know that I am dealing with some of the same battles with my 15yr old son. He has always been in private school because unfortunately our public school system is one of the worst in our state. This year however, he had no choice but to start his Freshman year in a new public school because he was expelled from his last school for his behavior and failure to "take school seriously". In other words...he is the class clown! He is ADHD and we do have him on Focalin which helps with his day, but now we are struggling with his refusing to take his medication and at his age we can't force it down his throat. He already has one suspension from first quarter because he was tardy and skipping class too many times, which also resulted in failing English and Spanish, and barely passing History. This semester he has improved tremendously on his behavior and so far has not been in trouble, but he is failing Biology and Algebra and seems to have the same lack of motivation as he did in his other classes last semester. I know how you feel right now looking at HS in less than a year, and just want you to know that although we have different situations, we do have similar issues with our teens. I'm here if you want to chat. Maybe we can come up with some ideas together!
Don't give up!
"Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic." -anonymous
Thanks so much for your feedback. We have tried both the consequence and reward system to no avail. We're hanging in there and praying a lot. These are things he does, not who he is. He'll see the hard way soon enough. We love him handle each challenge as it comes and don't dwell on it. All we can do is teach him and guide him but we're learning we can't force the change.
I have a couple of suggestions, I am not a mother of a 14 year old, but I was 14 a short while ago and have a brother who acted similarly to your son.
Have you tried giving him consequences for his actions? Like if he doesnt turn in his homework, he cant play video games or whatever he likes to do. Or if he gets an allowance, tell him if he losses another inhaler its going to come from his allowance money.
Or have you tried a reward system? You could reward him with something if he goes a month without losing an inhaler or remembers to shower everyday, maybe take him to his favorite place or get him the thing he has been wanting. So it will teach him if he wants something he will have to work for it.
I hope these suggestions are helpful. Good luck! I am hoping my 15 month old never grows up!
Our son is almost 14 yrs old. Overall he is a fantastic kid, personality wise. Doesn't get into trouble and is very respectful. The issue is his irresponsibility. He doesn't do or turn in his homework @ school,still has to be reminded of chores even showering, and constantly loses his medication. He is a chronic asthmatic and has lost 5 inhalers in the last 2 months. I'm at my wit's end. I repeatedly have this same discussion with him but all he does is start to cry & apologize. He will be going to high school in less than a year and I don't think he's mature enough or prepared. Any feedback?
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