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GARDENSPARROW SparkPoints: (15)
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6/14/12 12:18 P

The teen years certainly are tough and I remember going through a lot of similar emotions during that time. And, it is so hard for parents to really know what's going on with their kids when they're not around. But, it sounds like you guys love your teens dearly and are doing your best-which will go a long way in a child's life! Of course, it never hurts to get some outside support from your school or a counselor/doctor. Sometimes kids are more willing to open up to someone they don't know and share what's really going on in their lives. I also think there's some good resources out there for helping teens who might be depressed. For example, during my time at Focus on the Family I heard good reviews on Is Your Teen Stressed or Depressed?: A Practical and Inspirational Guide for Parents of Hurting Teenagers by Dr. Archibald D. Hart and Dr. Catherine Hart Weber. This article at might also be helpful. Well, your families will be in my prayers. ((Hugs))!

Edited by: GARDENSPARROW at: 6/14/2012 (12:19)
JADOMB SparkPoints: (117,965)
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6/6/12 8:23 P

These are difficult years and difficult times for our teens. As a substitute teacher I see all kinds of distressed students. Too many for a teacher(especially a sub) to truly help out. Even the full timers with all the help of the counselors and such have a difficult time finding the right thing to help these kids out. Lots of peer pressure and other misguided students that just don't care how they treat others.

The best thing(beside getting professional help) is to be very active in their lives and yes, SNOOP. What they show on the outside is not always what is truly happening. Sadly, the parent now has to be a detective at the same time as gaining their trust. Very difficult, but necessary trait a parent needs to adopt. They are very sneaky at this age and whether it is on their own or by influence from other sneaky kids, they just can't always be trusted to tell you the truth. Sorry.

So be careful when walking this fine line of trust but verify, but know that it may be just the thing that helps you really figure out what is going on. Keep the faith and God bless all those that work so hard to raise good children.

BONNIJEAN SparkPoints: (93,464)
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6/6/12 6:37 P

I have 3 teens now and 1 23 year old. It does get better.

JANINE662 SparkPoints: (679)
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6/6/12 4:08 P

so true...they know we love them unconditionally so they can lash out. but boy is tough on this end. thanks for the support, nice to e-meet you.

BONNIJEAN SparkPoints: (93,464)
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6/6/12 2:38 P

I'm sorry that you are going through all that with your 13 year old. It's tough being a parent and doing the right thing when a child is struggling. And because they know the parent loves them, they lash out at the very person who wants most to help.

JANINE662 SparkPoints: (679)
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6/6/12 10:49 A

i feel your pain. i am struggling with my 13 year old daughter and i think she is struggling with depression as well. she is a great kid and does well in school and has friends, but with that comes the peer pressure. to make mattes worse i am divorced. according to her i am the source of all evil and she hates me. the only thing i can say that i feel in my heart is to be there no matter what they say to you and do whatever it takes to have them participate in life as much as possible. remind them there is always hope (and perhaps meds will help too). you need to be the rock of gibraltor for them, staying there and letting them know you'll never ever leave them. last night my kid exploded on me. for the better part of 2 hours of her screaming and hitting i held her down and told her repeatidly that i loved her and how she should behave and that neither her or i were going to go anywhere until we could talk. finally, she looked at me and said she was sorry and that she loved me. we talked enough and then she went to sleep. i went to my room, closed the door and cried to myself for the rest of the night.

5/12/12 11:01 P

There was a group in my son's HS that gravitated to a room at lunch. Most of the students had significant problems to overcome.They ate and told weird jokes throughout the lunch. This isolation had drawbacks but it had benefits as well. I've read comedy and generosity are two great adult coping mechanisms.
We also watch Netflix together -stand-up comedy, Parenthood, Star Trek, This side-by-side non-intrusive sharing seems to help.
I think the inability to "make it right" is so tough.
I'm glad to hear this week is better for your boy..

5/2/12 1:12 P

Thanks for your suggestions everyone. Yes, my son has seen doctors, social workers, councellors, school support staff. We have not had a suggestion of medication as of yet. I hate to go down that road, but of course, will if necessary. School is the main difficulty. We we will not drop out of other activities, as that is what we are holding on to right now--it gets him through the day to think of what other things he will be doing in the evening.

Bullying has been an issue, even as recently as last term. It does not seem to be a problem right now. However, I realize that there are long term repercussions to bullying.

Actually, things have been a little better this week. I am hoping we are on our way up, and this is not just another 'swing'. Thanks again for your support.

5/2/12 11:53 A

Has he seen anyone to evaluate the need/benefits of low dosage medication? It can be a miracle and make everything else just a bit easier to cope with.

BONNIJEAN SparkPoints: (93,464)
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5/1/12 10:42 A

I had some other thoughts besides a comprehensive health care check.

Focus on school for now. At least here, the school year is almost over.

Reconsider his extracurricular activities. Maybe he needs to drop something to free up some time and have less stress.

Is he getting enough sleep at night?

Is he being bullied at school? He is right at the age when bullying seems to hit hardest. He may be reluctant to talk to you about it, but maybe he has an uncle or a other trusted adult that he might open up to.

Edited by: BONNIJEAN at: 5/1/2012 (10:43)
JADOMB SparkPoints: (117,965)
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4/30/12 11:58 P

Are you too active in extracurricular activities. Sometimes kids and their parents are busy just being busy and they run out of time to do some of the real important things in life. Like breath.

The teen years are totally hosed and I wouldn't want to raise another teen. They are going though hormonal changes, starting to break away from their parents, starting to look for friends(and sometimes in the wrong places), and being hit by pressures we take for granted. To us a pimple is just a pimple, to them a pimple is the end of the world.

Just keep an eye on your child and read up on all the teen issues you will be running into. There are lots of good books that take you year to year on your children and common issues. Be a year ahead in the readings to be ready for those too soon age changes.

Most important though is to be the rock in you child's life. They need to know you are there, stable, trusted and trusting, loved and loving. Listed to them, even when they are not talking. Keep the faith and God bless

BONNIJEAN SparkPoints: (93,464)
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4/30/12 8:33 P

Has your son had a comprehensive medical exam?

I am going through something similar with my daughter. Turns out my daughter's gall bladder had minimal functioning. She did genuinely feel bad. Surgery helped some, but now we are also dealing with fibromyalgia type issues. I have a full time job, but getting her to school and to do her homework seems like another job.

You know your son best. You'll get a sense for how much to push him.

4/26/12 4:15 P

WE are struggling, trying to support our 14 year old who is dealing with depression. We have him seeing doctors, school counsellors and social workers. He is having difficulty at school this term with a heavy course load, but is missing a lot of school as well. I can't get him out of bed in the mornings--he was late twice this week, and missed half the day today. Some days he comes home early 'not feeling well.' He says 'there is no point in getting up.' We are a busy family, and do a lot of extra curricular things, including sports (although we are kind of inbetween winter and summer sports right now). Weekends we don't have much trouble--it all seems to be school oriented. I am trying to be patient and understanding, but some days I want to scream, and others I want to cry. The stress is not helping my weight loss journey either.

How do I get him out of bed? How do I support him, but not let him do as he wants? (He would stay in bed all day if he could) Do I try and make him get up for schoo? I am just at a loss.

Thanks for any suggestions.

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