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LIMIT81 Posts: 332
4/28/13 10:48 A

The same thing happened to my son and his now wife a couple of years ago at their wedding. The wedding was on a cruiseline. My husbands sister and her husband and 3 boys decided to call a couple of weeks before the wedding and say they could make it. My daughter in law couldn't have made it any plainer and clearer that she had to have RSVP's a month before the wedding because an FBI check had to be done on the guests AND she had to have all the food and drinks paid for. Sometimes people just don't learn. They were a little tiffed but then I stepped in and played big bad wolf and let them know that the kids were paying for this and they couldn't just call up the cruise line and tell them "Hey I would like to add 5 more people to the list". It don't work that way.
You did the right thing.

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,855
4/28/13 9:53 A

I totally agree, it's very rude and we have a small house also , so if they come (originals) they come if not they won't be missed

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,308
4/28/13 9:28 A

I had someone do a similar thing for a party. Very rude.

Calling the night before and saying you are bringing 4 extra people is not cool.The extra people weren't coming because they wanted to celebrate the guest of honor. They were coming because it was something to do. Food and drink was already bought and prepared. Even if they didn't eat or drink, the fact remains that we lived in a small house and the party was inside. We didn't have enough seating for extra people we didn't invite. They were actually miffed that we said no to the extra people.

Don't invite people to someone else's party. If you are hosting and don't want uninvited guests be firm about it.

WORDWOMAN7 SparkPoints: (8,568)
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Posts: 148
4/27/13 11:03 P

I hope that you can put the understandable stress of this situation behind you and enjoy the day tomorrow. It's too bad that people can be such clods!

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,855
4/27/13 7:49 P

Thank you , I hate being mean but it was pretty forward of them to just invite others that weren't invited and to call 2 days before that's just plain rude and I'm sick of being walked all over.

ETHELMERZ SparkPoints: (93,621)
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Posts: 4,582
4/27/13 7:16 P

Ain't it amazing how many people don't know the "rules", about invitations being worded as to just whom is invited? Most people nowadays don't know anything about social rules, we used to learn them in school when we were young, for heaven's sakes. And this thing is a problem with this one set of relatives, so it's a good thing your husband phoned them to clue them in. I feel for you!!! These days, food costs alot of dough!

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,855
4/27/13 3:34 P

Oh for the wedding we did put our foot down, we were paying for the wedding and couldn't afford kids plates as they were the same price as adults. His mother who was alive at the time made a big stink out of it but my hubby explained we're only having the children that are in the wedding and the niece because she was immediate family. She then said well I'll pay for my grand kids plates and my hubby said no , because others will say well why were those kids allowed and not ours and lets face it when it's a wedding its really the bride and grooms day.
No they didn't get away with it then and I was damned if 2 days before with all the food bought they were going to try it again now with their kids not even living in the same household.
As for the person with the friends who are always a no show, I'd just not invite them that much if they don't think enough of you to when your spending big bucks for food I'd just not invite them and if they have something to say I'd just say well I just figured you wouldn't come anyways because you always say you will and then I throw high priced food away.
I know it's tough, but I've learned me lesson this time, these people won't be invited again, it's not worth the stress.

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (34,714)
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4/27/13 3:22 P

To the first poster, if they have the balls to show up, when they arrive have hubby met them at the door and say I'm so sorry. You were not invited and I let you know that before. Have a nice day. And don't let them in. Even if they hate you after wards it sounds like no big loss..

For the second poster..don't invite them any more. Anyone who is rude enough to routinely cancel at the last minute doesn't deserve an invitation. See them other places where it won't affect your plans or finances.

LAST20FORME SparkPoints: (4,152)
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Posts: 158
4/27/13 3:15 P

Yes, definitely call them and tell them that you are sorry if the invitation is confusing (this is taking the high road blaming it on yourself) but the invitation was mean to be just for him and his wife as there is not enough room in the home with all your sons friends. (this is his party after all) Honestly if they got away with this at the wedding then they keep doing it. You need to put your foot down and stop this bad behavior. Do not feel guilty or bad at all. Have a good time at your son's party and remember it is about him so don't let them upset you and be joyous for your son.

PATTIJOHNSON Posts: 2,075
4/27/13 2:59 P

Yes, I would just have to call them and let them know that you are unable to have them at the party as you only have so much seating and food. Apologize, and let them know that you look forward to the next event. Let them know that you are sorry that the invitation may have been confusing, but that it was only meant for the named guests.

You have a problem with people inviting themselves to your parties, and I have a problem with a couple that we know always responding YES to the RSVP, and then they inevitably cancel at the last hour. We like these folks a lot, and don't want them to feel bad when we don't invite them to our parties and dinners. I have even let them know that I was purchasing expensive food for the guests, and yet they hardly even apologize for not showing up at the last minute. I'm in a quandary too! I just about pulled my hair out the last time they did it again!

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,855
4/27/13 2:20 P

I'm having a confirmation party for my son tomorrow, it's still chilly here so it will be inside I have quite a few elderly coming and the RSVP was April 17th.
My hubby's godfather said his wife couldn't go cause she was going to be sick and he was a maybe, I addressed the invitation only in their names (they have older kids in their 20's that don't even live at home and one is living with a bf and has a baby), okay so last night my hubby gets a message that godfather is coming and his wife can make , oh yeah and also his daughter with bf, baby and his son. Okay food is already bought I didn't invite those extra people and his godfather knew he was in the wrong as he said I hope your wife doesn't get upset. UPSET???????????????????? I'm very upset!!!!!! The invite didn't say and family it just had their names on this, they pulled this when we got married too, we couldn't afford to have kids at the wedding as we paid for it ourselves , that's why I was sure to put just their names on the invite I didn't want it to be the wedding all over again.
I saved for this party by getting a bank that you could only open by a can opener and would spare change and dollars in it for months and months, now all these people are very HEAVY eaters, I had them at a party before and it was embarrassing how they ate everything.
As for the baby, our dog has never been around a little baby before and I don't want to have to worry about her nipping the baby that wasn't even invited cause the mom wasn't, not only that it's my sons day, it should be all about him and we knew we couldn't fit a lot of people in the house it's small, if it was outside it would of been a different story but it can't be cause the ceremony doesn't get over till 4pm.
I just can't even believe how people could have the b@lls to invite themselves, I mean these older kids don't even live with them anymore.
I had my husband call today because I couldn't afford to go out and buy even more food, I can't afford it. So he called and the wife answered and she said oh well I was going to make a macaroni casserole, now invite never asked anyone to bring anything they knew they were in the wrong.
She said well I'll have to call them up and say they can't come, well I feel like I'm coming down with what your godfather has WHAT????????????? if your sick stay home!
He explained there were other people we couldn't invite cause there wasn't enough room, that there will be a few elderly that's why it's in the house, I mean I think he explained it good he said food was already bought. I feel bad for him that he had to be put in that situation, cause invite was clearly marked.
I'm sick of people just inviting themselves and trying to take advantage I so couldn't do that and just had to vent...This time I had to be strong and stick up for what was right because usually I'll just take it in stride, but no more...
You might think well she was bringing a macaroni casserole believe me these people aren't clean no one who knows them would want to eat it. I invited just them to be nice, but sometimes being the nice guy isn't worth it, I know I'm a big girl less then I was but never just threw my weight into a chair like this woman and she broke my outdoor dining set. At this point I hope they just stay home.
So, read your invites well because people make plans and they can't be changed 2 days before , you have to be a responsible guest.

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