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my daughter's sneaking food...



 
 
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DAWNDMOORE40
Posts: 2,860
6/18/12 8:52 A

emoticon Thanks for the feedback! I did try sending less money a month for lunches. I was sending $20 every two weeks. It did get to the point where he wasn't doing it anymore, but the first couple months of school, he had racked up close to $12 in extra goodies. I know in High School, they don't allow you to use your lunch money. You have to bring extra money for the goodies. I am just saying that is how it should be in middle school. I don't necessarily think they should monitor the kids, but they can put rules on how the extra goodies are obtained. emoticon



JUSTDOIT011
Posts: 1,377
6/18/12 12:49 A

As to the below poster, it is pretty much impossible for lunch workers to monitor what kids are allowed to have a la carte or buy separate snacks aside from the school lunch, and what kids aren't. But what you can do (and what my parents sometimes did) is put exactly 1 month's worth of lunch money into his lunch account (ie: 21 school days in a month, lunch is $1.60, so $33.60 in his account) and tell him its enough to last him the month. If he wants to buy extra treats or candy, it's going to come out of his pocket. If his allowance is reasonable, he won't have enough money to cover all these treats he wants to buy. If his allowance is more than $5/week though he may have enough money to buy treats every day.



DAWNDMOORE40
Posts: 2,860
6/3/12 12:34 P

emoticon Oh can I relate to this topic! My son is 12 and he sneaks food! We provide him with food in the house that is mostly healthy because we all need to work on that every day, but he will take his allowance and go to dollar general or he would eat extra stuff at school. Even when I asked the school not to allow it with his lunch money, they said they could not keep track of students like that because they have so many to watch! I was appalled!
We would find wrappers in the couch and between his bed mattress! We are struggling because my son is over weight. I know he will thin out some, but he is over 175 lbs now! Our counselor said let him eat the healthy stuff which is great, but he will eat way too much of it. Sometimes he will even get into the Smart Ones snacks I bought for myself and he will eat those too! emoticon



SOCAL_LEE
SparkPoints: (32,156)
Fitness Minutes: (69,091)
Posts: 246
5/15/12 4:41 P

A book my daughter read last year that made a big impression on her was "Body Talk: The Straight Facts on Fitness, Nutrition and Feeling Great About Yourself" (http://www.amazon.com/Body-Talk-Straight-
Nutrition-Yourself/dp/1897066619/ref=s
r_1_34?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1337114248&
sr=1-34).

I liked it because it talked about some of the changes in girls' bodies without actually talking about menstruation and sex (my daughter was 8 when she picked up the book; she reads at a 9th grade reading level, so this book would be appropriate for most of the girls I'm reading about on this thread). It also talks about things like measuring your hunger, making healthy choices, etc. After she read it I noticed my daughter saying things like, "This is good but I'm not hungry any more, so I'm not going to keep eating." So, something in the book was helping her be a more mindful eater. It might be a good resource for others as well.



CURVYELVIESAYS
Posts: 990
5/14/12 12:07 P

I am in the process of losing weight but, I am worried about my 8-year-old daughter. She is like the bottomless pit. She can eat dinner and still be hungry afterwards. She has no gauge to tell her she is full. I am hoping as I lose weight that she learns to eat when only hungry and stop when full. If she likes something she binges on it. This worries me a lot. I need her to be able to monitor what is too much.



COLOR_ME_PINK24
Posts: 50
5/12/12 11:26 A

My mom, myself, and my daughter all have the exact same body, we aren't built big but we all have big bellies (which seems to be he hardest thing to get rid of!!). I guess I'm worried about my daughter being overweight, but moreso because I know she is not getting nearly enough nutrients and most of what she eats is just empty calories. My mom buys the junk food specifically for my daughter, she doesn't eat ice cream, chocolate, candy, cake, literally no junk food! She doesn't eat healthy either though, she hardly eats fruits and vegetables and mainly eats carbs. So, I really think my mom does this specifically to give my daughter whatever she wants. Even if I go shopping with her she will still sneak junk food in the cart (and I throw it out whenever I see it!). But this causes conflict between my daughter and I as well because I am always the "mean" one. So frustrating!!



JACKSMOMMA27
SparkPoints: (1,171)
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Posts: 24
5/12/12 11:14 A

slightly overweight could just be babyfat! Your really small yourself and I think its awesome that you want to take control of what your daughter is eating and steer her in the right direction towards healthy foods. Unfortunately, I have the SAME problem with my family and my son, as you can see in the previous post, they too have also battled weight problems and I just dont want that for my son.

I try not to make a big deal about food, but I also do NOT correlate food with 'mindlessness' ie. snacking while watching tv, eating before bed (kids DO NOT need bedtime snacks. My little one is almost three and he gets nothing after supper, so he expects nothing after his supper)

My question is, is your mom herself overweight? Maybe she just wants an excuse to buy this stuff, by saying its for your daughter. That was always my parents excuse. I know telling people what they can and can't buy in there own house would not go over well, but maybe try reasoning with her about how important it is for you and your mom to set a good example for your daughter. Really stress the fact that you are NOT telling her what she can and can't buy but that you would prefer it not be given to your daughter, and ideally out of sight so she herself wont be tempted by this stuff....Good luck.



COLOR_ME_PINK24
Posts: 50
5/12/12 11:06 A

This is a very frustrating situation and I can absolutely relate. While I think everyone has given great advice, I'm wondering if anyone can help with my particular situation. I have a 6 year old daughter who is slightly overweight for her age and height (her doctor doesn't seem to be concerned about it, but I am because I know how cruel other children can be). Also, due to getting laid off at my job I am living with my mom, who thinks its completely okay to give my daughter literally everything she wants, especially food. Here's an example: I walked out of my bedroom the other night and into the kitchen as my mom was giving my daughter her "night time snack", which was a bowl completely overflowed with ice cream. It would have been at least four servings for me. I was absolutely disgusted and made her take half out (which still left too much in the bowl). I have talked to my mom numerous times, telling her that she is doing so much more harm than good, but she doesn't stop. I have also changed my eating habits hoping my daughter would follow. But with all the junk food my mom allows in the house it's pretty much impossible. What kid would want an apple when they're used to having ice cream!? Sorry for the long post I am just so frustrated and hoping for some help.



JACKSMOMMA27
SparkPoints: (1,171)
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Posts: 24
5/11/12 1:34 P

This post struck a major cord with me and I agree with the two above posts. YOU have major issues with food and you have in the end, taught your daughter to have this love/hate relationship. It seems you were too preoccupied with your own weight loss journey to see how this affected your family. Do you honestly wonder why your daughter sneaks food and your sons don't? It is because she is modelling behavior after her most important influence- her same sex parent!

I think changing your lifestyle and losing so much weight it so important to show your daughter that ANYTHING is possible; what a great thing to do as a role model, because YOU HAVE KEPT IT OFF. However, I had a father who battled his weight his entire life gaining and losing hundreds of pounds at a time. He never kept it off- before I even developed a weight problem he taught me to binge and starve just by watching his outlandish attempts at weight loss. I have developed such an unhealthy relationship with food I was almost destined to end up like him. YOU are pushing your daughter towards this same fate at just 12 years old. You sound like a food drill Sargent- in one post you talk about taking her to buffets and watching horrified as she eats five desserts. Than in another post you talk about her 'sneaking' large portions of foods that you keep in the house for yourself. Your sending a mixed message and it is wrong. I have a son and I also need to lose 50 pounds, but he eats what I eat. There aren't designated foods for certain people.


Another thing, you go to a party and resist the desserts to instead stop off at an ice cream store to get fat free ice cream? That's NOT normal behavior and just goes to show that you still have major, major issues with food. Take the advice of Dragonchilde (who always seems to give great advice IMO from the posts I read) and see a counselor. Save your daughter the heartbreak that I went through and you went through, your just not equipped to deal with this on your own.




LEEANNV3
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Posts: 75
4/17/12 12:02 P

I used to sneak food, too at that age and want to echo what Leahlegs said about setting your daughter up for a lifetime of yo-yo dieting. It's best to keep weight discussions between your daughter and her pediatrician and ban the word "diet' from your vocabulary. As hard as it sounds like you are trying, you can't control what she puts in her mouth, but you can be there for her when she faces the consequences of the added pounds. And she will - it's a better lesson to learn early in life when the mistakes are minimal.

However, if the pediatrician issues a concern, then it's probably time for family therapy.



DRAGONCHILDE
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Posts: 9,587
4/15/12 11:37 A

You've said a few things that caught my eye, and I want to mention.

1) That you think you've done something wrong for your husband and daughter to have this issue. This isn't about you; this is about them, and their choices. IF anything, I bet she's picking this up from her father, not you! You are modeling a healthy lifestyle. He's not. She's emulating him. Don't beat yourself up about what your'e doing wrong!

2) She told you that YOU needed to hide the peanut butter. That's displacing the guilt of her eating from her choices to your lack of prevention. That's not okay! It's wrong, and it's placing the burden of her decision on you. This is something you need to talk to her about... she has to take responsibility for her own choices, and not rely on other people to make those decisions impossible for her!

I think you all could use some family counseling... not because there's something "wrong" with you, but because it can be so difficult to work through your own issues alone, especially when your loved ones are involved. It's tough to be impartial! Having a third party there to help guide the discussion can help.

Putting locks on doors and hiding food doesn't solve the problem, it just shifts the acting out to another food. Emotional eating isn't about what you're eating, it's about drowning something out of your head with food... it's not about being unable to resist peanut butter. She goes looking for something she knows is there... if it's not there, she'll find something else.

So please, try to deal with the root of the issue, and don't try to apply bandaids. It's not too late, she's not broken, and neither is your husband... they're just trying to deal with things in their lives in an unhealthy way. tHe fact that he's hiding from you too is why I think you all need to go. Perhaps you are contributing in some way, but only through help from a professional do I think you'll be able to figure out *what*!



SALSGIVERL
SparkPoints: (2,275)
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Posts: 141
4/13/12 10:00 P

I have problems with my 4 year old daughter too. She gets bored and tells me she's hungry. I tell her she is bored and wants to eat. So when she whines about being hungry, I tell her she can have an apple or a banana. At least if she is going to eat, make it healthy. I remember sneaking food too as a child but mine was for a different reason. That being said, if she continues to sneak food, you can always put a lock on the door. My mom did that for some of my younger sibilings. Tough love but it works.



LEAHLEGS
Posts: 184
4/13/12 6:51 P

I used to sneak food when I was that age.....and I did it because I was hungry. I'm tall, and I grew a lot between ten and fourteen. On top of normal growth, I played soccer, and rode horses, so I was burning a lot of calories. My mom has always had food issues, yo yo dieting the same 150 pounds on and off again, and she always tried to get me to diet. I used to hide food in my room because I was still hungry after dinner.

She might need to eat more than you think she does while she's growing. Or perhaps there's something nutritionally missing from her diet, like protein, so she feels hungry all the time. Being pudgy at that age is totally reasonable, and dieting during those formative years can lead to a lifetime food obsession that could negatively effect her adulthood.



SENZ2001
Posts: 123
6/4/11 8:52 P

First, the mother-daughter relationship is the most tumultuous of all the parent-child relationships. Second, usually children follow their parents' habits. Have you talked to her pediatrician? She's becoming a young lady and there could be more behind her sneaking snacks.



DEANJR86
Posts: 122
6/4/11 1:28 P

I think that's a great idea, FIT4SURE. Peanut butter is my personal weakness as well (what's not to like about it?!), and I do best when I eat it with healthy options. I think it's a fantastic idea not to cut it out, but to "slim it up".

You sound so compassionate about your daughter and I'm sure that isn't lost on her. Don't be hard on yourself; you're doing the right things for her. Keep it up!



FIT4SURE
SparkPoints: (12,449)
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Posts: 127
6/3/11 11:38 P

My sons eat a ton but don't gain weight so I don't worry so much about them. My daughter is "plumping up"...she's 12 and taller than me and although she's supposed to weigh more than me...you can tell by her body that things are not as they should be. She's doing a Cardio Kickboxing class with me now and I'm hoping to enact some other "activity" for her that she'll enjoy as well as help her make some realizations that will ultimately help her...I'm feeling pretty confident about the fact that she suggested hide the peanut butter and as it's a favorite of hers, I'm incorporating it more into her diet so that she won't feel deprived but slimming it up a bit (with bananas) and adding fruit, etc...



DEANJR86
Posts: 122
6/3/11 6:54 P

FIT4SURE, this is a great question. Here are my only thoughts:

One thing to remember is that adolescents are growing A LOT! To keep up with their bodies' changes, they require an increased amount of calories. In fact, adolescents can consume over 3000 calories a day and not gain an ounce.

So, unless your daughter is actually plumping up, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I would focus on teaching her good things for her body and also that someday her metabolism will slow down (dang it!).

Of course, if she's really gaining a lot of weight, my comments are null and void. Hope this helps!



FIT4SURE
SparkPoints: (12,449)
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Posts: 127
6/2/11 9:25 A

Getting junk out of the house is partly do-able and partly not. Some of the things that she's sneaking are MY things (blast it!) which I give them and me in measured quantities. Like peanut butter...I have 1 1/2 Tbs. in the evening on my celery as a late night snack instead of cookies or whatever. She waits until I'm gone and gets that jar and eats until she feels guilty (which takes a while...)

I talked with her about it and I asked her how I can help with this and SHE told me I should hide those harder to resist foods like peanut butter. I can see all of this is going to be a MAJOR education on both of our parts so I'm rolling up my sleeves and am getting my husband on board and beefing up the studies on the hazzards of poor diet for the whole family so she's not singled out.

Thanks for your great suggestions (which I am heeding). I'm laying down the law to hubby and family about some ground rules (pantry stuff) and I'll be asking him to eat his bad dude stuff away from the house. I'm keep fresh fruit on the table but will be supplementing this with a "snack pack" where they can choose a healthy snack and a treat to eat whenever in the day they want with the rule being that what's in the pack is IT. I'll see how this works...



NAYDERS
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Posts: 3
6/2/11 1:32 A

I agree with getting the junk out of the house, but I also know how hard it is with a husband who just doesn't get it. I took my daughter with me to all my Doctor visits. She got to listen while he explained to me that my weight had a lot to do with some of the health issues that I have. Though you may or may not have health problems, your peditrician may talk to your daughter about what could happen. My daughter was scared to death that she would have to take injections every day if she kept polishing off the bag of Doritos on top of the Big Mac Meal from McDonalds. Sometimes hearing things from someone like a Doctor or nutritionist will have more impact than just "good ole mom". Good Luck.



BOOSMOM03
Posts: 3,560
6/1/11 10:03 P

I think you've gotten some great advice here. I'll chime in and say that my 7 year old is very overweight, and I know it's mostly because I've let it happen. I give in to snacks and the "I'm hungry, mommy" whining all too often. When I made my decision to refocus and relose the weight I gained back, I set a rule for her as well - only fruit and veggie snacks during the day and a SMALL sweet treat at night with some fruit. No exceptions. I'm praying her dad enforces this at his house, too. We'll see - he's not that great with consistency, to say the least.

I think it boils down to the fact that you HAVE to get the junk out of the house. If your husband won't do it for his own health, hopefully he'll see that he has to for his daughter's. He can sabotage his health outside of the house if he chooses, but he has to be the responsible one and take care of his child since she is not at the point where she can take care of herself.

I totally agree with the idea of having her help you prepare foods, etc. This might be a key to her learning to be healthier down the road.



MUMMYUK2
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5/31/11 9:48 A

1. Talk to her, it might be that she is trying to have control over something in her life and she has chosen food because it ticks you off and she might be resentful of the fact that you have control over everything. (Remember, you were a teenager once and the control issues are the same - LOL)

2. Don't buy junk or snacks period. If you hubby wants some fine he can buy his own and eat them outside the house.

3. Don't go to buffets

4. Ask you daughter to help you shop and prepare the food.

5. Ask her to pick a physical activity like soccer, gymnastics, running, cheerleading

Good Luck




JENMC14
Posts: 2,707
5/31/11 9:18 A

Get rid of all the junk food in the house. Make sure there are healthy snack options. Make sure she knows snacking is ok, but she has to make good choices. DON'T go to buffets. Just don't go. If you do, tell her no. I think sometimes parents are afraid of being labelled as controlling or overbearing and are afraid to say no. Don't be. My daughter knows that she only gets one or two small desserts or an ice cream at a buffet. If she asks for more, I tell her know. If she does it any way, take it away from her. Be firm. Set the same rules for every one.

If your husband wants to "sneak" let him, but set ground rules. Tell him under no circumstances is he ti "help" your daughter eat junk, and that if he brings it into the house, he must put it somewhere she can't find it.



FIT4SURE
SparkPoints: (12,449)
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5/31/11 8:58 A

I've lost over 120 lbs. and kept it off for over 5 years now. So you can probably tell that food issues are probably heavy on my mind as I watch my daughter "sneak" food or clean out the peanut butter jar when I'm away, etc...

She's 12 years old and taller than me and her weight's creeping up and I'm terrified for her but don't want food to be such an issue. She loads up at the restaurant buffet on SO much and after that she eats 3-5 desserts! I educate her on good nutrition and she sees what I'm eating and what I'm NOT eating and I try to keep it as subliminal as possible and I make sure she knows that I think she's beautiful and smart and that I'm proud of her but I find myself at my wit's end on how to deal with HER food issues! I don't want to make it worse by being overbearing and I don't want to ignore the problem either.

Unfortunately, my husband is one of those who eats whatever he sees (if it's on the table or counter...it's in his mouth) and I've asked him to help me out here but it seems that he has a problem with this as well. I walked into our utility room (which houses our bulk pantry) and he quickly tucked away a bar or two so I wouldn't see he was eating (after I already prepared a meal WITH dessert!) I didn't gripe...just smiled and he looked sheepish. Obviously I'm doing something wrong for them to be sneaking food like that (and all the unhealthy stuff) but my boys aren't doing this...they seem to have a healthy relationship with food. They'll forego one thing for another and even though I don't like their choices sometimes...I know they are being reasonable and not eating too much in the end as they pay attention to their hunger signals so well.

Any tips out there or have any of you dealt with this problem before? I want to keep the bad stuff out of the house but hubby brings it in or asks for it and I don't want things to become the forbidden fruit...

I even have trouble with things like my skipping the dessert at someone's house because I'd rather have my sugar free yogurt at the yogurt shop on the way home...and even though my crew has filled themselves to the limit on icecream and cake and more at the party...hubby will come into the yogurt shop and fill up again (it's fat free...I guess it's "free" in his mind!) and my children are picking up on this...instead of the fact that I "traded" an unhealthy choice for a healthier one that I'd FAR rather have.

I know I'm probably doing SOMETHING wrong so I've already been beating myself up...go easy on me...I realize I am quite fearful of my daughter possibly heading into the obesity problem that I once had...and being as miserable as I was even while happily eating to the point of oblivian and enjoying every bite of it. I don't want that existence for her but she's 12 now and I'm at a loss as to how I should handle this without causing a bigger food issue for her. I've heard so many blame their weight issues on "overbearing" or "controlling" mothers...so I'm naturally...terrified!



 
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