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RENATARUNS SparkPoints: (4,367)
Fitness Minutes: (2,155)
Posts: 1,379
6/13/13 5:25 P

An ex who is just on the level of a roommate (and not a particularly well-liked roommate, it seems) really owes you nothing in the way of consideration beyond the most basic levels. So it's not like having a similar issue with a friend or a mother or a husband. You can ask him politely to keep those foods away from you, but if he doesn't want to, there's nothing much you can or should do about it. (And you should certainly not be throwing out food that he has bought for himself, regardless. It's his, not yours. On the off chance you did buy it yourself, just stop doing that.)

If you can't get out of the situation, you will probably just have to deal with it. It does get much easier over time. The more often you refuse to have any, the easier it gets the next time.

WADINGMOOSE Posts: 1,048
6/13/13 4:28 P

I get it. It's really easy to start craving something someone else is eating. It's kind of the popcorn effect - I've worked in offices that don't allow people to microwave popcorn because the smell in the office makes EVERYONE hungry. It's easy to say that you shouldn't eat the food that he's eating (oh, Doritos, how I love you), but for the most part, we don't work like that. Especially with certain foods.

If his eating something makes you eat out of boredom, maybe you need to get up and leave the apartment when he's eating crap. I know. It sucks. But you can't control him at all. Even throwing out his food when he isn't there might be making him do it just to spite you. And he's still bringing the food into the house and eating it when he is there so it's clearly not the solution and December is SO FAR AWAY.

So get up and get out when he starts eating crap. Go for a walk. Go to your room and call a friend. Go out and run some errands. Meet a friend for coffee. Go to the gym. Run up and down the stairs in your building. Do SOMETHING to avert your mind and get rid of the boredom.

BITTERQUILL Posts: 1,639
6/13/13 4:08 P

The advice you've gotten already is good, but I'd like to add that throwing out his food would be considered unacceptable behavior in my house, *especially* if you are no longer in a relationship. If it's not yours, you don't get to touch it unless you are invited to do so. That means eating it *or* throwing it out. And even if you *were* invited, most people probably wouldn't mind sharing their food with their roommate, but someone who throws a roommate's purchases in the trash is overstepping boundaries. Even if it's done out of a desire to "protect" him from his actions, it is likely to be seen as a rude and selfish act, all the more so if you're just doing it to protect yourself from temptation. Maybe you consider eating junk in front of you rude, too, but tense social situations are rarely improved by fighting fire with fire.

I've had roommates who had pretty liberal food-sharing policies and roommates who had very strict "I buy mine, you buy yours" policies. It sounds like you guys have the former sort of arrangement, but if you're having trouble extricating your eating habits from his, you might want to consider implementing the latter. If you have to, keep separate cabinets and refrigerator shelves. It shouldn't have to come to that, but if the two of you aren't otherwise capable of keeping your hand off of each others' property, you do what you have to do.

And if it's not the food in the house that is difficult to deal with but the fact that he eats it in front of you, take a break. Go in the other room, take a walk, whatever it takes to separate yourself from a situation that you find frustrating. You could even politely request that he take his snack in the other room, but in the end removing yourself from temptation is your responsibility, not his.

It is *super* frustrating to live with someone who eats junk in front of you, when you're trying hard to avoid it. It's even more frustrating to live with someone who complains about something but refuses to take responsibility for it. The thing is, he has to take responsibility for himself, and you for yourself. Set a good example rather than lashing out by damaging something that does not belong to you. Focus on your *own* intake rather than his, and with time your efforts will pay off. Then, maybe he will learn something. People tend to be far more likely to change their behavior when they *see* why they should do so, as opposed to being *told* why they should do so.

Edited by: BITTERQUILL at: 6/13/2013 (18:00)
NIRERIN Posts: 14,127
6/13/13 3:16 P

If he gets up to go to the bathroom do you get up to go to the bathroom too? Likely not. His snack habits are his snack habits and should have nothing to with your snack habits. You simply do not have the time, energy or calories to sync up what you do with someone else. Which means that when you see the Doritos remind yourself of the snack you just had or the meal you are going to make.

ANARIE Posts: 13,160
6/13/13 2:07 P

You say you're "roommates" with him, so treat it like you would with any other roommate. What that person eats has nothing to do with you. Assuming he buys his snacks with his own money, those are HIS snacks; eating them would be theft. If he's not buying them with his own separate money, then it's time to separate your budgets and accounting. You both need to be financially independent except for the rent and utilities-- again, just like you would with any roommate that you didn't especially like. And if YOU separate out your grocery bills and don't buy yourself any junk or extra food, you might save enough to get out of this situation before December.

And that's probably the key. Keep looking for a way to get out of this arrangement. Are any of his buddies single? Maybe you could find a guy who's having trouble making his rent on an apartment and sublet to each other-- you take his apartment that costs more than your half of the rent, and give him your roommate job. Or find anybody who just doesn't like their current roommate, see if you could get along in that place, and swap sublets. Your situation isn't that unusual, so you can probably find someone else who's in the same boat and bail each other out.

SUNGIRL822 Posts: 1,221
6/13/13 1:31 P

How do you deal with insensitive people??

I'm roommates with my ex, he won't leave. Long story. Lease is up in December, i'm out then. In the meantime, how do I deal with him bringing junk into the house??

If I'm in the living room watching tv, he'll get a "snack" beer and doritos... then i think oh i need a snack... but i'm not hungry, i'm just bored or i've been alerted to the food in the house. i'm not eating/drinking those items. When he's not home, I throw/dump it all out.

But it's so frustrating to live with someone who will constantly complain about there weight but do nothing to fix it. Then there's you busting your rump to lose weight and have to see this...

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