Thank you for all the great advice and understanding! I am truly grateful to have this place to go to. And DS you are right, I may be crazy but I sometimes feel like Mom would want me and is even rooting for me, cheering for me, to make good healthy choices. I can do this, if not for me, then because of her.
Fitness Minutes: (465)
92 4/9/13 12:12 P
My advice to you is to get rid of all of the food in your home and go shopping to replace with nutritious food.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother-in-law in 2008. She was the closest thing I ever had to a real mom. My mom has drug and alcohol issues so we are not very close. In 2007 my MIL was diagnosed with colon cancer. It was a shock to us all, she was only 49. Prior to her diagnosis I had managed to lose 30 lbs. After her diagnosis we lived in hospitals and hospice for pretty much the next year and I gained it all back. One thing that may help you is grief counseling (this was offered though hospice) and also just being able to rely on family and friends. I still miss my MIL to this day, but the ache is not so bad. I have also managed to lose the 30 lbs again and am continuing on my weight loss journey. I think she would be proud of me for not giving up, and I think your mom would be too.
I was thinking about this post last night. Truly the only advice I can give you is this---
I lost my mother when I was 14 due to a heart issue she had all her life. No one in the family knew that she was getting sick. She was obese, she had smoked but then quit and gained more. But all in all, she was the most amazing Mom. Her family meant everything. That fateful day, I had a fight with her. It was a beautiful warm day in April and I wanted to wear my sandals to school. Mom utterly refused. No, you can't do that. Well Mom's rules, so I stomped upstairs, changed my shoes and as I went out the door I muttered the words "I HATE YOU." Whether she heard me or not I will never know. But about 1 year later, I could barely live with the guilt. I was absolutely sure that my words broke her heart that day. My sister has an eating disorder so she had taped a phone number for Alanon to the receiver. I called that number and talked to a girl named Sally. She gave me the best advice ever.
She told me that I loved my Mom and I would have to work on forgiving myself and forgiving my Mom for leaving. But then she brought up a thought. Mom was all about family and love. Yes, she wants you in heaven with her. She wants to share eternity with you. However, she doesn't want you there RIGHT NOW. You still have time left here and need to make the best of it. Maybe the question i ask myself will help you and maybe not-- but that donut you want to eat, that bag of chips that sounds so welcoming, that cake and icecream that would taste so good-- that would take you a step closer to heaven. That would be hurting your mother because you weren't taking care of yourself.
I truly believe my Mom comes down every so often and gives me a good boot to the head. I am sure you have had a "boot to the head" on the earthly plane-- but having one from the heavens is so much worse.
I can't make the pain go away. I can't make you stop snacking. Nothing I can say will make you stop. But maybe she can. Open your heart and listen. She has the magic. Momangels are extremely powerful. She has all the love and desire for you to live out the rest of your life. If you can't do it for yourself, do it BECAUSE of her (not for her, BECAUSE of her).
Thank you for your responses. Eventually we all lose our moms if we live long enough. I am glad I am not alone in this but at the same time, sorry that anyone has to go through this.
I appreciate Sparkpeople making it easy to connect with people to reach out and encourage each other.
Blessings to you all.
Fitness Minutes: (73,331)
262 4/8/13 8:33 P
I'm very sorry for your loss. My mom passed away two years ago. I'd just finished my last Insanity workout and had lost 26 pounds. That evening my dad called to tell me she'd had a heart attack, and a few days later she passed away.
I felt that the weight I had lost at the time helped me cope better. It was something positive that I could hold on to in my time of grief. My dad coped by overeating and also by buying me junk food. He had a key to my house so I'd come home from work to find hot meals like fried chicken, fried fish, or BBQ ribs and a whole lemon creme cake waiting on my kitchen table for me or he would offer to take me out for fast food. I wasn't emotionally ready to deal with my dad dealing with his grief by giving me junk food so I ended up gaining back all the weight I had lost and now I'm trying to lose it again.
I don't know if your situation is similar, but it might be worthwhile to prepare a strategy for politely declining when people try to get you to eat your sorrows away. I wish back then I had explained to him that what he was doing was making me feel worse.
Fitness Minutes: (3,866)
409 4/8/13 6:21 P
It is so hard to lose a mom and you will never stop missing her. But, over time, the moments of happiness become longer while the moments of grief grow shorter. The huge pangs will come and go...sometimes just a familiar scent can bring back waves of grief. There is no way over it, under it, or around it. The only way to deal with grief is to go through it and be kind and gentle to yourself.
Perhaps you have a close friend who would come over and walk with you. And, as far as snacking, your best bet might be to just not have any junk food in your house for now. Call on some good friends to bring you healthy snacks so that you don't have to face the grocery store.
My deepest condolences are with you. I am so very sorry for your loss. Sharon
Also, so sorry for your losses. Thank you for reaching out to me. So far, I can say that each day is a little bit better. But as one of you said, the special days (holidays and birthdays) will always be a challenge.
Thanks to all of you who replied. Like someone told me, it's hard to lose your mom. I had a ticket to fly down to visit, and the day before my flight, she died. I had just talked to her two days before that and she was happy and looking forward to my visit. She told me of her plans for me and the tea party she was planning for us to have with friends. It was a shock to get my dad's call that she had died in her sleep, while I was preparing to pack for the trip. Instead of a tea party with her friends we had a "celebration memorial" of her life.
I don't want to eat my way through the grief. Thank you for your suggestions. I'm not resisting the grieving, I just have to find another way to deal with the munchies this sadness is producing. Munchy and craving sweets. I would overdose on chocolate if it was in the house!
Not to make it any worse, but i lost mine 25 years ago and it still hurts. i still tend to go to my chocolate fix on a few days (april 7- her birthday, april 17- the angelversary, and major holidays like my birthday and others) Two weeks and three weeks aren't a lot of time. Like both of you, i lost her suddenly. We didn't even know she was sick. Still debatable whether she knew. Guess I have to wait until I get to heaven to find out that answer. Grieve. That is really your number one priority. Get it out of your system. Work on acceptance. Believe me when I am having a difficult time, the last thing I want to think about is getting to the gym or eating healthy.
It will get easier and then you can get back to the lifestyle. If you could concentrate on your goals all the better for you.
My sympathy on the loss of your mother. I just lost my mother too, Two weeks ago today. She died suddenly. I have turned to eating too. I don't want to gain the weight back I worked so hard to loose, but I feel lost. I want to pull myself up and get motivated again. You have inspired me to get up. I don't feel alone and know how you feel. Thank you. I did email spark coach who was also encouraging in saying don't worry about what you are doing right now. Try to get at least 10 minutes of workout/walking a day and try to track your food as best you can. Everyday will bring you closer back on course.
I'm deeply saddened by your mother's death. I'm also in mourning because one of my pets is facing a terminal illness. If anything, I think that grief has a different timetable for each person. In other words, please don't rush the process.
If you want, you can focus on weight maintenance while grieving. You'll get a higher calorie range to prevent weight regain. I'll also share a few ideas that are helping me. They may work for you. If not, perhaps they can help you find your own coping mechanisms.
When I crave something sweet, I turn to instant coffee (decaf if later in the day) or tea with sugar-free syrup. Caramel is my favorite flavor, though I also like vanilla. Plus, the warm liquid helps me feel comforted and all I need to do is warm up some water in a kettle.
As a variation of the above idea, I have warm milk when I have trouble sleeping. Since I use powdered nonfat milk, I also heat up water first before whisking in the powder. If want to eat something with it, I like Wasa with peanut or almond butter and perhaps mini chocolate chips.
For mindless munching, I turn to vegetables. I prefer steamed with melted reduced-fat shredded cheese, but raw is also good. For a dip, you might like plain Greek yogurt with herbs or onion-soup mix (check for sodium).
What I also like about vegetables is that they fill my belly. It helps me eat smaller portions of comfort food, especially those that someone else made. That way, I can further stretch out the leftovers in the freezer.
She died suddenly, and unexpectedly three weeks ago today. I was doing great until then. I had been losing steady for six weeks, lost 14 pounds. I have not only gained some back but can't quite get back into the swing of things. Find myself mindlessly munching at times. Craving sweets. I don't want to gain anything back. I realize this is part of grieving but I have to control this or I am afraid I will completely go off and gain it all back.
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