Author: Sorting Last Post on Top Message:
RIET69 SparkPoints: (47,087)
Fitness Minutes: (11,285)
Posts: 3,116
9/9/13 10:04 A

I would not give him a chance to forget it emoticon

BONNIEBONNEAU SparkPoints: (30,678)
Fitness Minutes: (38,903)
Posts: 1,477
9/9/13 8:06 A

that would be easy to remember ! lol
BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (107,996)
Fitness Minutes: (82,255)
Posts: 2,954
9/5/13 2:50 P

Since our birthdays are two days apart, no need for a reminder. I put all special occasions on the calendar with circles etc., so if he forgets (luckily never forgotten an occasion in 23 years), I just point and let explain.

BONNIEBONNEAU SparkPoints: (30,678)
Fitness Minutes: (38,903)
Posts: 1,477
9/5/13 11:01 A

ty for ur posts
u have a good point, but I really did not feel like going home on the train and telling him - it was already too late in my book . so I just stayed out, with a gf and had a nice time.

PLUS I did text him a couple of times , during the day, and he never answ; so I just let the chips fall where they did ..
LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 2,100
8/28/13 12:58 P

Okay, I'm going to be honest here... It sounds like there was some passive aggressiveness going on and, in my experience, that's not the best thing for a relationship. So, since you asked for advice in your original's my take on things:

It seems that you thought he had a surprise planned, but it became obvious that he'd forgotten when he went home from the dentist and rested. Why not remind him at that point (where it was obvious that he'd forgotten) so he could take you out to dinner that evening, instead of staying out with your girlfriends and eating with them instead (and then going home, dropping the bomb on him that he'd failed to remember your birthday and telling him that you'd had your birthday dinner with your girlfriends)? I'm sure he would have been very appreciative of a gentle reminder and then an opportunity to take you out to dinner that night.

Then, he ended up making it up to you by paying more money than he felt comfortable with for a gift and you are hoping this will help him to remember your birthday next time? Yes, he feels bad, but I don't think allowing a situation to occur where he ended up feeling bad (by not reminding him and letting him take you out to dinner) and feeling like he had to spend more money than he would have spent originally is going to help anything. It's more of a punishment than anything else and punishment/negative reinforcement is a lot less effective so far as building relationships (or habits or anything else) than positive reinforcement.

Just my 2 cents.

Edited by: LOVE4KITTIES at: 8/28/2013 (12:59)
BELLYDOG Posts: 1,551
8/28/13 12:25 P

My hubby doesn't forget mine, he gets to tease me that I am two years older than him for two days. But my Dad always had trouble remembering birthdays and anniversary dates. His family didn't really put significance on those dates. Whereas Mom's family did and she was really hurt if he forgot her birthday or their anniversary. The only anniversary he wasn'g going to forget was their 50th, but she died 28 days before he got to surprise her.
If something is really important to you, speak up about it. Life is too short to allow the other person to fail your expectations.

QUEEN-EYDIE Posts: 11,746
8/28/13 10:51 A

I'd definitely let him know before, and I mean WAY before. I'm 50 and am all about making my needs known!

My husband's a sweetie and he'd never forget, bless him. emoticon

"Optimism is an act of bravery."

"Choices, not sacrifices."
8/28/13 10:46 A

After! If he forgets I get a bigger present!!!

'You know you are truly alive when you're living among lions.' Karen Blixen, Out of Africa

'The measure of civilized behavior is compassion.' Paul Theroux
MMCDAN03 Posts: 305
8/28/13 9:48 A

No I don't have to. The kids won't let him forget.

TENNISJIM Posts: 11,750
8/28/13 6:35 A

I would not tell him

BONNIEBONNEAU SparkPoints: (30,678)
Fitness Minutes: (38,903)
Posts: 1,477
8/28/13 6:10 A

ty for the posts ,
I really did not want to set him up - that was not my idea - but I also did not want to 'bug him", so I thought he had something planned , because he took the day off from work ...

he went to his doc in the morning- so I thought, he made plans for us after ....I was wrong- after the doc, he went home and rested..while I stayed in Paris, hanging out with gf's

he made up for it - I went on ebay , and spent 65.00 on pearls , and he wanted to pay for it - then he said ( wow- I would not have spent so much ) maybe now he will remember - ha

Edited by: BONNIEBONNEAU at: 8/28/2013 (06:11)
JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (309,546)
Fitness Minutes: (246,520)
Posts: 8,975
8/26/13 11:16 P

My husband has never forgotten my birthday, and we'll be married 38 years on September 27!!!!

Janie Garcia Moreno




8/26/13 10:28 P

I love my DH and always remind him of important dates in a positive way ahead of time, just as he does with me. We actually went a few years celebrating the wrong day as our anniversary because we couldn't remember. It's not really the day, it's the love and appreciation anyway. Why create an occasion to feel bad. Instead create an opportunity to feel loved. emoticon

Do or Do Not. There is No Try. Yoda

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 14,650
8/26/13 3:30 P

I would mention it before, but in a playful way. Like I can't believe that my birthday is in x number of days and I will be one year older.

Success is never given, go earn it. ~Nike

Please read my blog
LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 2,100
8/26/13 3:17 P

Of course I would remind him unless he had mentioned it first.

Setting someone up to fail by not reminding him/her so you could "punish" that person afterwards or get some better present or something...bad behavior, IMO. My husband would never do something like that to me and I wouldn't do it to him. Be kind. Treat others the way you would like to be treated and acknowledge that it is okay for people make minor mistakes sometimes (and forgetting a birthday IS a minor mistake in the scheme of things). Waiting until afterwards and then being angry/pouting or whatever is just not right, IMO.

LULUCALLY SparkPoints: (17,584)
Fitness Minutes: (15,640)
Posts: 833
8/26/13 2:57 P

I have always waited until after, and it has only led to setting him up for failure. He ALWAYS forgets. Then things are stressful for a while (however, that was how I got my first dog, so it was kinda worth it). From now on I am going to hint before, so he can prepare.

He has NEVER forgotten our anniversary (and I have).

You're never too old to do goofy stuff.
-Ward Cleaver ("Leave It to Beaver")
CAMEOSUN SparkPoints: (85,507)
Fitness Minutes: (5,526)
Posts: 10,420
8/26/13 2:53 P

After. He may have a surprise for you.

~ Do what good you can, and go in peace ~

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,866
8/26/13 1:41 P

He's never forgotten a birthday , anniversary or even the anniversary of our first meeting hahaha

Starting to like the new me!
Waiting for my garden to come to life!
8/26/13 1:15 P

I usually write it on the kitchen calendar and facebook will remind him if he forgets.

CLRWILLIAMS25 SparkPoints: (34,341)
Fitness Minutes: (34,299)
Posts: 1,091
8/26/13 1:09 P

Mine has yet to forget, but I would remind beforehand if it looked like he wasn't think about it. We were both born on holidays, though, so it is kind of hard to forget :)

MYAKAYAH Posts: 8,535
8/26/13 1:01 P

My SO remembers my birthday every year but we have the same type of memory for dates and other things of that nature. If he forgot I wouldn't really mind because I've had absent minded friends before. If its that important to you then drop some hints, no need to set the guy up for failure, not every one is good with dates. I had an ex who was terrible with remembering dates for most things but he was the sweetest guy in the world. Think about the big picture before sticking the screws to him~

kayah Sin City, NV
BLC#29 TNT captain

"I want to live my life like I feel at a Michael Franti concert." - Team Franti

"If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay."

SHERYLDS Posts: 13,697
8/26/13 12:18 P

silly question.....
as a reminder just watch the GEICO Owl commercial

start leaving reminders of anything...weeks in advance.
text him, leave reminders on his shaving supplies, in his car, on his email. etc emoticon

Sheryl from New Jersey, EST...2015 Summer final wt. 225
EL for 2015 5% Challenge...Spirited Underdogs Team
SONICB Posts: 4,327
8/26/13 12:14 P

Haha... I give my boyfriend notice a week or two in advance. :)

JLEMUS1 Posts: 4,054
8/26/13 11:24 A

Sometimes if I don't write dates down I forget them even people close to me. I would have reminded my wife because I know she has way to many things on her mind.

The strength of the wolf is the pack and the strength of the pack is the wolf!!!

BONNIEBONNEAU SparkPoints: (30,678)
Fitness Minutes: (38,903)
Posts: 1,477
8/26/13 5:04 A

ty for ur posts . I had a curve ball thrown at me - he took the day off, and said, he had to visit his eye doctor in Paris- so I thought , he was going to surprise me, with a dinner in Paris when we were both done with our activities.
I was wrong - he finished with his eye doc, then went home . I texted him - asking where he was around 4pm - no reply ..( he was watching tv)

so I spent the evening with a gf, chatting and eating very bad food ( I did not care ) when I went home - there was no dinner cooked. he asked if I was hungry ? I said ' no, I had my birthday dinner at the pub with paula' .
emoticon emoticon emoticon

his faced dropped, and he knew , it was 8.30pm - too late
I thought, I just give u the rest of the story .
LOUIE-LILY Posts: 2,631
8/22/13 12:02 P

Before is the way to go . . . why wait until after when everyone will be upset over it.


Galatians 5:16: �I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.�
JPRSAVETTE SparkPoints: (5,215)
Fitness Minutes: (3,408)
Posts: 177
8/22/13 11:49 A

i would bust out my birthday tiara and set it on the dresser or such

it doesnt matter if you run are still running faster than someone on the couch!!!
BOBBI_260 SparkPoints: (11,269)
Fitness Minutes: (3,960)
Posts: 726
8/22/13 11:41 A

Mine never forgets...he always gets me a card a few days early and he takes,
me out for dinner where my choosing lol...he is my best friend as well.

emoticon emoticon

◠‿◠✿ Bobbi ◠‿◠✿

SW: 378 lbs.
CW: 358 lbs.
GW: 160 lbs.

CJGODESS101 SparkPoints: (30,781)
Fitness Minutes: (9,224)
Posts: 611
8/22/13 11:31 A

Mine has yet to forget my birthday, but its hard for him since I typically know what I want to do months in advance. We usually go to a hockey game around my birthday. I also pick out my birthday dinner so he has plenty of time to shop. My birthday is right after Christmas, so if I dont remind him, a relative will at Christmas by giving me my birthday present.

I wouldn't be so hard on him, I would say remind him a week in advance. If he forgets, ask the morning of your birthday what you guys are doing that day.

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (107,816)
Fitness Minutes: (64,472)
Posts: 7,216
8/22/13 11:22 A

no reminder from me. If he does forget, we just laugh about it.

The most handicapped person in the world is a negative thinker; a person who has the skills, abilities, talents and tools, yet chooses not to use them.
~Heather Whitestone

Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen
NANAS4GIRLS SparkPoints: (77,127)
Fitness Minutes: (2,895)
Posts: 174
8/22/13 11:10 A

Relationships are tough enough, Give him a break. Ask if he has anything in mind to do or buy for you, and if not, if he might be open to suggestions, Ask a week to 10 days before, so he has time to plan.
Pick you battles, - - waiting until after is a deliberate setup.

SUNSHINE99999 Posts: 9,705
8/22/13 10:46 A

Before is best emoticon

EMMYERS76 SparkPoints: (10,444)
Fitness Minutes: (31,618)
Posts: 218
8/22/13 10:27 A

I would do it before...that way you are not stewing about it. Most guys I know are pretty much clueless. They don't remember dates...and when they do remember, they don't really know what you would want. And since I don't know any person who is a mind reader, they can't read your mind and know. So, I would give a subtle hint about where you would like to go, or what you would like to do or whatever for your birthday.

Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me. -Psalm 139:1

add me

7/10/13: 5 miles in 54:04
8/22/13 10:24 A

It will only cause animosity if you wait until after your birthday -- your husband will see it as a set-up to showcase his failure to remember, and of course it will make him feel bad.

It depends on what you want -- a nice birthday, or to put the screws to your husband.

I'd go for the nice birthday and ask him where he's going to take you to dinner.


Keep a sense of humor. Remember, laughing burns calories too!

Laugh until it hurts! It's one of the few things in life that's still free!!

Any effort is better than no effort!
MATTHEW0498 SparkPoints: (32,853)
Fitness Minutes: (18,507)
Posts: 1,377
8/22/13 8:17 A

I would wait until the day after, although hopefully it isn't the case that he forgot.

KKKAREN Posts: 12,149
8/22/13 8:14 A

before the day I would say: Honey have you picked a place to go on my Birthday next week because I would really like to go out to eat at: ! That way he has plenty of time to get you a gift too and wouldn't feel like a fool for forgetting. waiting until after is just unnecessary punishment.

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (107,996)
Fitness Minutes: (82,255)
Posts: 2,954
8/22/13 8:06 A

No I wouldn't remind honey as our birthdays are two days apart and he is two years older than me! Yet I do put it on the calendar just for fun in big big letters.

RIVETPA Posts: 1,177
8/22/13 7:39 A

my girlfriend's birthday is 2 days after mine... not a chance of her forgetting it!
for 2 days a year we're the same age.

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,332
8/22/13 6:46 A

I would just bring up what I wanted to do for my birthday in advance. If he forgot he'd have a chance to do or get something. If you really want a special dinner or would like a cake just tell him right away that it is your birthday and that is how you'd like to celebrate.

BONNIEBONNEAU SparkPoints: (30,678)
Fitness Minutes: (38,903)
Posts: 1,477
8/22/13 5:36 A

thank u for the post,
I was thinking to wait until after the day too !!
then I can request the "expensive birthday day " gift - like dinner at my fav caf
TCANNO SparkPoints: (172,042)
Fitness Minutes: (104,466)
Posts: 29,252
8/22/13 4:41 A


Trev, Kent Southeast UK

How can you know that you can't unless you have tried and failed.
Join the 10 minute exercising challenge and get exercising.
See what you are made of by joining the 10k steps day challenge.

SUZIEQUE77 SparkPoints: (9,260)
Fitness Minutes: (40)
Posts: 1,065
8/22/13 4:30 A

I would wait until after because you can't know he REALLY forgot unless the day goes by unacknowledged. And then... he will owe you big time so you can milk it! You can't really milk it if you remind the day before or on the day, because he can make up stories (or maybe it is the truth), he was going to get that card later in the day, surprise you with dinner plans, etc.

Don't milk it too much though. You gotta know when enough is a enough. Happy Birthday!!!

BONNIEBONNEAU SparkPoints: (30,678)
Fitness Minutes: (38,903)
Posts: 1,477
8/22/13 4:25 A

if ur birthday was in 24 hrs, and no signs of any card, cake or special dinner - would you tell him before , on the day , or after ??
Page: 1 of (1)  

Other SparkPeople Cafe Topics:

Topics: Last Post:
Anyone here ride horses- competitively? 7/6/2014 3:55:55 PM
Can't get the "edit my post" symbol off 7/2/2014 10:29:18 AM
A bad day! 4/19/2014 4:14:59 PM
Straight or Curly hair? Why? 5/4/2014 10:47:46 PM
What do you think of the new message board layout? 9/2/2014 8:03:40 PM