It is and it isn't. Some people prefer to date slimmer people and that's fine, that's their preference. More importantly is how whether it is important to you. Do you put yourself out less or not at all because you're not comfortable with yourself?
Fitness Minutes: (66,181)
7,159 3/31/13 12:57 P
Not for me, the best man I had and married (is deceased) knew me as large and petite he loved me anyway.. I found out a equal partner has to have the same goals as me, it was not easy living with a idiot whom has never known me morbit obese (I tried this also).. Romance doesn't fill in for the things my boys both miss about their dad and all the high season times he isn't around to support them in. If I find someone it will be another person whom has lost alot of weight and is fighting teeth and nails to keep themselfs healthy- equal children play best -I found out romance and pink clouds don't figure in my choices. When the honeymoon happiness wears off I need a man whom will not get cold feet supporting my goals because he is doing it too for himself..
I am an older woman and I have been thin and I have been obese - I have been old and I have been young and just about everything in between both on age and on weight. What I have discovered over the years is that neither age nor weight is THE factor that will determine whether SOMEONE will be interested. Sometimes and for some people it IS a MAJOR factor - those people are not typically people I would enjoy being with whether I was a slim, young, attractive 18 year old or an older fatter, not so attractive 63 year old. I don't find people who are focused on LOOKS interesting or my TYPE. I have found that people who have a pleasant personality and who are less judgmental are more my type. I am not saying that sometimes weight might not be an issue - sometimes it is even a factor that attracts others to you. Learn to love yourself and be WHOLE and comfortable in yourself and you will surely find someone who is also going to care about the whole package and not just the outer wrappings.
I'm out of the dating world for a LONG time now (married 43 years) but I note that there is a kind of double standard at times.. many of the young men I know are outspoken about preferring "hot" women.. but they are so far from hot themselves that it is almost funny. They can be 60 pounds overweight, sloppy, and poorly groomed and criticize a woman who is 15 pounds beyond size 6. Sigh.
I have a young friend who is actively looking for guys... she is a little overweight, but quite lovely.. .and when one guy responded to her online posting on a dating site, she almost rejected HIM because he looked very fit in his picture and she figured he'd reject her. He didn't, but it proves that confidence is a part of it all.
Hang in there!
3/27/13 12:22 P
Don't fear. I really hadn't dated much at all (one relationship that lasted for a month -- no other dates) before I started dating my husband -- and I was 27, nearly 28 when that happened. It does turn out that I'd decided to put myself out there more -- not in being all gooey, acting a part, or hanging out in places that weren't fitting me me (I'm also not really a bar kinda gal) -- but in being willing to think of myself as someone worth dating. I initiated more conversations, asked better questions, became willing to share more of myself, acting into the confidence that I was worth caring about and doing cool things. I think there is something within us that changes when we decide that we ARE worth loving.
Fitness Minutes: (60,865)
3/27/13 11:59 A
I never had a "real" relationship, either, and I always thought it was because of my love handles and jiggle. I look around and see other large people who have hooked up despite their size, and I always come up with some excuse in my mind, like, 'well she is really brilliant' or 'she likes to laugh' or 'he is kind and thoughtful, no wonder he attracted a mate'. However, I also look around at all my peers (of which I am the largest) and none of them asked me on a date, but the guys have dated all the skinny women or have declared themselves monks. I wonder what is so wrong with me that the guys aren't asking me. My dad says I don't "put myself out there" meaning acting all gooey to attract male attention. I guess it boils down to my quiet nature and self esteem issues caused by my body. I would rather spend a calm evening at home than go out to a bar. Dad says one day a man will come along and see me for who I am (and then he goes to list off all my good qualities) but here I am, 31 years old with nary a date. Thanks for listening to me unburden myself.
Fitness Minutes: (1,575)
3/26/13 9:27 P
I'm 22 and I've never really had a serious relationship. Just a bunch of short lived turbulent...uhh..'Romances'? I've never been asked out on a date properly or had a boyfriend or girlfriend (I'm bisexual) and I honestly believe this is largely due to my weight. NOT because i think people are shallow, though we all are a little bit(I know that I'm not attracted to obese people despite myself being obese.) But because of what my weight has done to me psychologically.
I have/had a lot of insecurities (which are disappearing slowly now) which made me not so dateable. Because of these insecurities I could get clingy and needy and be sent into a panic if I thought they were leaving, which they would because I was clingy and needy! Hahah
But it's all changing now and I'm learning that, as cliche as it is, you really DO need to love yourself first before you can expect an enriching relationship. So I'm focusing on my for a while. And if someone comes a long, what a bonus! Haha
Edited by: EMMAREVAMPED at: 3/26/2013 (21:28)
3/26/13 4:47 P
Another huge factor that hasn't really been mentioned is confidence. When I'm at my heaviest, I tend to hide. I wear clothes that I think hide the fat which in turn simply hide me. I've known other people who weigh more but seem to ooze confidence and sexiness -- and they tend to get noticed.
I think working out helps all of us feel more confident -- even when the scale isn't moving. There is something about working hard and pushing your body that can help shift that fat kid mindset. And I think others pick up on that . . .
3/26/13 3:28 P
For some, it is a BIG factor!! Sometimes hard to get past the weight to know the real person.
Fitness Minutes: (214,605)
22,740 3/26/13 3:27 P
Yes, like ANY factor that attracts one person to another, weight is one of those factors too.
3/26/13 2:54 P
i'd say i've seen both parts of the spectrum... when I was in the dating game (age 18-21 and heavy) I would get frustrated at times when my skinny friends would get asked out, or bought drinks...but then again, I would get attention too. My personality was what I always brought to the table.. and while I wasn't (and still am not) at a goal weight that I would like, I would keep the 'fat girl' mentality out of my mind and just have fun.
After about 3 relationships...Thankfully, I found a man who has loved me since day one being heavy... we've been together 4 years and I'm about 25lbs heavier than the day I met him. I get irritated when he can eat anything he wants and still have a nice flat stomach and look like a 'man's man' with his broud shoulders... while i have one slice of cheesecake and another chin pops up. But, that's how he's built, and this is how I am built. I'm working towards being healthier and thinner, but as frustrated i get with him he's always confirming to me that he loves me no matter what size I am.
So, I think that if you find the right person (he/she is out there, I promise) it won't matter what size you are. Get healthy for you and feel that confidence thats inside. :)
Let's face it, double chins, fat rolls, flabby arms, thighs rubbing together: that's not attractive. And lots of people have trouble seeing past a person's appearance to their personality.
Fitness Minutes: (365)
3/24/13 6:40 P
I've done a lot of dating over the past few years and have found that for many guys, weight does matter and they want someone who is more physically fit. That used to bother me (especially when I was much more overweight) until I realized that I also prefer a guy who is in pretty good shape. I personally have trouble feeling a physical attraction for really heavy guys, no matter how great a personality they may have. I'm fortunate in that my boyfriend now has lost a lot of weight like me so we can relate to the struggles of being overweight, but had we met when we were both really overweight I'm honestly not sure if there would have been that same initial physical attraction.
I think it does matter. For me -- when I was at my heaviest, I didn't feel comfortable with myself. It made it very hard for me to let go and just be myself in a relationship. I dated a lot but I never really believed that a man would love me for me. I don't think it's entirely a coincidence that my husband and I fell in love when I was within 10 lbs of my goal weight.
As far as the other person's weight goes... I think it matters there too. I consider my healthy lifestyle to be really really important to me. I don't want to be with someone who isn't going to want to eat healthy foods and live an active lifestyle. My husband and I both love healthy food, he always prefers brown rice over white and is happy to eat meat once/month. We went on a hike together today. It would not be very nice if we couldn't share these things with each other. So if someone is telling you that everything is great "but..." -- it may be that a healthy active lifestyle is really important to them and they don't want to be with someone that they perceive as not being on the same page.
Both my husband and I have been overweight at one point or another since we got together, and we have both lost weight, and we have supported each other through it. I think it's important to be with someone who shares the same values (like a healthy lifestyle) but who will treasure you and love you even if you let it go by the wayside for a little while, and help you get back to it. And of course, I want to be healthy and I want him to be healthy for as long as possible -- we owe that to each other -- so of course it's natural to look for a healthy fit partner I think.
Weight was often an issue for others when I was in the dating scene.It especially sucked because I was at a size 22-24 and my sister-who is a year older, was a size 3-5. Guys would always come up to me and ask me if she's available. One even asked if she was available, and when I told him she was seeing someone, he asked about my brother! Lol! Luckily, I found the most wonderful, sweet guy who loves me for me, and stuck with me as I gained weight to my highest of 330 pounds, and is with me still as I am getting healthy.
To some it matters, and to a degree it does because the idea of taking care of someone who is bed ridden isn't really one that appeals to me, but being a little hefty isn't a big deal.
I was in the dating world for over 5 years and YES, the thing that sucked is that A LOT of people put weight as a major issue of dating..
We want people to be healthy, we don't wish for someone to be soo unhealthy that they may have a heart attack or some other major health issue down the road..
However, also in the dating world there are tons of guys and gals who LOVE bigger woman/men.
Also, I was told this by one of my dates : Humans are just like animals in the wild, only the healthiest and fittest survive.. the ones that don't are the sick and the unhealthy.. Its kinda how we hunt and search. We want someone to be around a long time, not have their life cut short due to their unhealthy lifestyle and unhealthy choices they make. Would we choose a bigger woman? Sure, we don't expect every woman to be a size 6 or a perfect size 10, but we do expect them to be healthy.. real men will love you for whom you are no matter what size, but we do expect our woman to take care of themselves,be confident, and be successful and you can not do that with being sick and unhealthy.
For me, it made totally sense.. and it was the best explanation by a guy I have heard yet.
A lot do care, but in the long run, get healthy and be proud of who you are.. there is one perfect man out that will be your soul mate.. I know because I found mine :-)) Be who you are and show that off! There are awesome men waiting to meet you!
Edited by: JGIRL5799 at: 3/24/2013 (09:28)
Fitness Minutes: (41,372)
26,792 3/23/13 11:44 P
It is important for you to be "YOU" NOT what others determine you should be.
There are many men out there who are very happily married to some very large women - women who were also very large before they even started dating!!!
Don't let size define who you are, because it is NOT who you are! Likewise, don't let others push their beliefs etc. onto you!!
Fitness Minutes: (75,250)
3/23/13 10:51 P
Some men or women like "de meat not de bone" ! Someone will Love you for who you are not(just) How you look.
How important is it to men and women for their significant other or potential date even to be in good shape or at some certain weight/size and under? I keep thinking about this when everyone says im so sweet, nice, etc. and then the but part comes in about my size and weight. I know I have been smaller, but is it really that dang important? Believe me, I know I am bigger and I am not the happiest with me always. Jokes or just rudeness make the healthy lifestyle go off the cliff for me when theirs a rude comment, intentionally or unintentionally said. Maybe its just me or the different circles of friends I am in, either way its frustrating and is bothering me lately.
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved. No portion of this website can be used without the permission of SparkPeople or its authorized affiliates.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.