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APHRODIDTE Posts: 653
7/21/13 4:56 P

Self -loathing dialogue is a plague. When we say we "hate" ourselves for being fat, weak, stupid, what-ever we create an atmosphere of hate. You would never say the things you do to any one else, yet you say it to yourself.
You deserve success, you deserve to be valued. You are fearfully, and wonderfully made. A beautiful work in progress!


SULLYL28 SparkPoints: (20,411)
Fitness Minutes: (12,018)
Posts: 253
7/21/13 12:54 P

I agree that you need to focus on the positive. It takes practice, but keep positive thoughts about yourself. Focus on your accomplishments even small ones-they are a step in the right direction. Look at setbacks as learning experiences not as failures, none of us are perfect all the time. Use non-food rewards but if you absolutely need a treat choose lower fat, lower calories. I have a weakness for ice cream so I keep skinny cow ice cream sandwiches for the occasional treat. I also have been trying recipes from SP. Don't pay attention to others , you need to do this for yourself.

KARATE_KID SparkPoints: (57,509)
Fitness Minutes: (74,005)
Posts: 1,546
7/21/13 12:39 P

Yeah, families can be quite damaging with their "helpful" comments. I heard it year-in, year-out. It wasn't even that long ago that my mother was fondly remembering how "slim" I was when I was 18. Except she had forgotten I was "slim" because I was seriously ill then. She also had forgotten that I regularly got into trouble for not cleaning my plate, or because there were things I literally could not eat as they made me gag, such as fatty meat. Somehow I was expected to eat everything put in front of me and still be thin.

As adults, we have the ability to overcome our past but it's not easy and awareness is the first step.

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Edited by: KARATE_KID at: 7/21/2013 (12:40)
EXCELDREAM SparkPoints: (41,333)
Fitness Minutes: (15,462)
Posts: 150
7/21/13 7:55 A

OMG, these comments ring such a familiar chord with me. I was the only person in my family to have a weight problem. And I'm not saying the others dieted successfully - they had normal weights without giving it a second thought. As a result, no one knew how to help me. I lived in a small town enough years ago that women / girls were judged primarily by their looks. They were expected to fetch a husband for their livelihood, so looking good was sort of equivalent to getting an advanced degree. My mother made it clear, on close to a daily basis, that I was an embarrassment and would never find a husband if I didn't lose weight. I tried frequently but did everything wrong as I now know. It breaks my heart to think how things could have been so different if I'd just known the things I've learned in SparkPeople. Just because something is low calorie doesn't mean you should eat all you want. And why eat low calorie rice cakes at all if they make you gag? There are so many nutritious and tasty things to eat that can still keep the calories down (although I admit there are much more on the market now than there used to be).
It breaks my heart the same way to read your post. Don't let anyone else determine your self-image. You are in the right place and headed in the right direction - health and self-acceptance. Best of luck on your journey!

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (143,035)
Fitness Minutes: (214,000)
Posts: 20,982
7/21/13 5:35 A

ADONNICA2013,

We are our own worst critics. Flaws we see in ourselves, no one else sees. You're NOT the fat friend. You have to stop that negative talk, right now. I know that 25 pounds may seem like an enormous amount of weight to you, but you're not morbidly obese. As the old song goes,"Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". Give yourself credit for all the positive things you do for yourself and don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect. You don't have to be perfect to be healthy.

Let me tell you something about my own family. When I was young, the used to constantly criticise me about my weight. They felt that the more they told me I was "fat", the more likely I'd do something about it, like go on a diet. And well, I did go on a diet and what happened ? I didn't lose enough weight to satisfy them. That in turn caused me to get down on myself. I ate for comfort. Then I gained weight.

I see this in your situation. Your family (and you too) get down on you in hopes that you'll do something about your weight. That's the wrong reason to lose !! You can't change the people around you. You can only change how you react to them. So, don't allow their negative comments and actions to lower your self esteem.

If you want to lose weight and be healthy, the first thing you have to do is sit down and decide why YOU want to lose weight. Because I'll tell you right now, this has to be for you, not them. You'll never please them. It's impossible. Don't try. Instead, do what is necessary to make you a better person inside and out.

Which goes back to accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative. Tell me, what are some simple things you can do that will help you become a healthier person ? Will you try to eat more fresh fruits and veggies ? Will you try to get a little regular exercise ? Will you say something positive about yourself each morning ?

Be kind to yourself as you would to others. You may be a little overweight, but you are NOT fat. the negative talk has to stop if you want to increase your self esteem.


AYLAMAY SparkPoints: (5,983)
Fitness Minutes: (650)
Posts: 391
7/21/13 2:41 A

I see you are just starting out. Being the "fat one" is a terrible label to give yourself. Don't do that. Get a rubber band. Every time you catch yourself thinking, "I'm fat" or "I'm________________ (fill in the blank with any self esteem busting negative comment) snap the rubber band. So many of us have been thinking automatically negative thoughts about ourselves, we don't even realize we are doing it.

If you have 25 pounds to lose according to the BMI--that's not too bad at all! I have 40 left, so you are ahead of me! According to research, it takes 21 days to break a habit and establish a new one. It takes determination, sure. but it sounds like you have friends and family who could be supporting you if you ask. See what they did. Why are you bored? Can you think of other things to do when you are bored, like take a walk? Or take up crochet or needlework? Chewing sugar-free gum can also help, because it gives your mouth something to do.
Can you get the sweets out of the house? The kids, if you have them, really don't need them either. I always found sugar-free popsicles to be a great treat. Fruit is wonderful, as well as veggies, cut up. Skip the dip, it adds fat.

Every day you do well, keep tabs. At the end of the week, reward yourself with some make-up, a book, or something else that isn't food. After about three weeks, you'll be rewarding yourself with new clothes, especially if you are exercising.

You have come to the right place. Get into some of the groups, participate in the discussions. make friends. Log your foods and your fitness activities, as it sound like you have the time. Make it into an adventure.

Let me know how you are doing Adonnica. I wish you only the best.
Sincerely,

ayla

ADONNICA2013 SparkPoints: (567)
Fitness Minutes: (429)
Posts: 2
7/21/13 1:09 A

spent today with family & friends i had not seen in awhile. my best friend has lost 40 pounds this year & looks & feels amazing. also i asked for a soda & my sister asked regular or diet? then my mother gave me clothes she can no longer wear because she's 3 sizes smaller. i'm about 25 pounds over weight according to my bmi. i really love food & crave sweets if i don't get them. i eat because i'm bored. without thinking. or just because its available. and if i do really well for a day or 2 i feel like i've "earned" something so i treat myself. how can i break these bad habits? i don't want to be the fat one :(

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