Fitness Minutes: (6,854)
1,412 3/19/14 10:49 A
This is actually what I would say & I have said it before in a group setting when people are babbling on about others. I stood up and said this' excuse me I am hearing right now that you talk about others frequently , I am also hearing untruths that are being said, &you have no clue about the facts. My next question, when we leave the group and you are with another group I would really like to know what you say about us.The one's that are gossiping please tell me what you say, you should not be embarrassed by my questioning, because you have no shame in talking about others, now let's hear what you have to say." There was a deafening silence that filled the room I said, " I thought so" I left with others following beside me.I glanced back & the gossipers where the one's remaining & some of their loyal friends.There are people with such low esteem that talking about others give's them a boost and the eye of others are on them it is their feel good moment.
Edited by: JUDYAMK at: 3/19/2014 (10:51)
Fitness Minutes: (63,742)
6,531 3/19/14 10:36 A
I realize there are things that could be said about me that I would not want others to know....so why should I want to know trouble of others they want secret.
After I vented the first time,I haven`t noticed her gossip so much. Maybe it just struck a nerve that she was being hateful about daughters friends and my friend who had dies a very sad death leaving a Downs son still on Jr. High.... Anyway, I will rack my brain for happy things to talk about and try not to let "Debbie Downer , The Gossip Queen" get to me anymore! Thank You all for the great advice and words of wisdom. :)
Usually if I'm with friends and one of them tries to talk about someone behind their back, this is how it goes: Them: Hey, did you hear that such and such might lose her job? Me: Well maybe we should go talk to her about it and comfort her.
I try to bring the person they're talking about into it before they even get into the story about them. In your case you might be able to say "maybe we should talk to their parents about them" `or "maybe we should talk to them about it"
But in general I find it helps to just try to shut it down or change the topic fast until they finally realize you're not someone who wants to talk about that stuff. It's hard, but it can work with some persistence.
Sometimes its hard...I either keep quiet, walk away or say something to the other side...Like well "they probably see it this way or that..." trying to change the conversation to a positive light. My lunch crew talks down about where I work and management. I happen to like where I work, it's very hard to listen to that every single day...totally get where your coming from.
Fitness Minutes: (83,537)
23,080 3/14/14 9:14 A
Listen and then make your own mind up
Fitness Minutes: (169,725)
11,448 3/14/14 7:57 A
Honestly, I would stop eating with them, if at all possible. I actually stopped going to happy hours with my coworkers because all it was negative gossip. My company is crappy but adding negative, gossipy chatter to an already grim outlook wasn't helping.
Fitness Minutes: (18,507)
1,377 3/14/14 7:45 A
I try not to even hang around with people who gossip. I'll say hi and be friendly but that's it.
This is what I use to say when they'd try to suck me into the gossip. 1.I like everyone I work with (even if it wasn't true you can't trust anyone and I didn't want to get into petty bickering) and I just didn't like hearing the negativity ... most of the time I'd walk away or start reading. 2. If they persisted I'd say I don't want to get involved , I'm Switzerland
Fitness Minutes: (16,395)
1,280 3/13/14 1:34 P
I have a couple of responses;1.Did you talk to them and find out how you could help? or 2. I just walk away.
Thanks for all the responses, everyone has good ideas and believe me , I`ve tried them all. I was very aggravated and annoyed when I posted, she was saying all kinds of things about my daughters friends( and a friend of my family who is dead! ) The other day she was talkin about a certain Ob/Gyn in the area (no one here goes to him, so I don`t know what her point was) and said some totally unbelievable things. There are usually 7 of us eating togethr and everyone was quiet while she talked on & on. When she finally quit talking I started a new conversation, bragging about my grandson!....I think she is insecure and trying to hide it by pointing out faults of others. Thanks everyone :)
If she's both a new employee AND in a position above yours, I'd stay away from conversational situations with her at all costs. That could be a powder keg just waiting for a match. Does anyone else in the group feel the same as you do? Maybe some redirecting by the entire "herd" would help? Of course, that could backfire if it got back to her that you were complaining about her, so it's a risk. It sounds to me like she's looking for "cohorts" in her new job, or she's just really insecure, or that's just how she gets her affirmations.
I've been burned once in my career by something I've said, and it was just a casual comment---spoken to the wrong person who had an agenda I didn't know about. Gotta love office politics and personalities....it takes all kinds, I guess.
Fitness Minutes: (38,091)
3,939 3/11/14 9:21 P
I usually try to change the subject (re-direct it) ... or by humorously pointing out the inappropriateness of it. For example, I will laugh and say that I wonder what nasty rumors they spread about me. Or smile and say that I am not getting involved in the conversation because I don't want people to think I am a gossip. etc.
I find that humor and re-directing sometimes helps me avoid problems before they get to be major events.
I change the subject, or ask "is that true? What do you base that on?" I really have had to say that a few times---it really throws the gossiper off when you demand that they own what they say. And just a warning, after that I once became the subject of gossip! LOL Oh well....
as others have said....try to change the subject and if that fails make an excuse and walk away.
Fitness Minutes: (81,616)
1,801 3/11/14 3:26 P
I love gossip ------------unless it's about me
I jest. Don't open the door to negativity and people with get the message quick that you are not going to stoop to that level. They will regard you as a better person and save their offenses for others. Bottom line - don't respond AT ALL.
Truly, they will respect you more and run off to find someone who shares their misery.
Fitness Minutes: (196,769)
34,128 3/11/14 2:59 P
I walk away.
If they persist, I tell them I am not interested in gossip.
I change the subject to something innocuous and I keep redirecting them until either they take a hint or my break is over. If they stop me while Im working to gossip, I tell them I cant talk right now Im working.
No offense to those who suggest the nod and smile approach but I see that as tacit approval of the gossiping and I simply cant support that.
@ FLORADITA I agree - I liken it to listening to some one talk racist. It's not ok to say nothing. If you do, it's like you are agreeing with the person and letting them know that it's ok to talk that way.
Fitness Minutes: (28,060)
523 3/11/14 2:30 P
When this happens to me, I simply say that I am not comfortable talking about people and that I wonder what is being said about me or the rest of us when we are not here. It usually shuts people up and if they don't like it they will likely say something about me behind my back.
Gossip is ugly, it is a passive form of bullying and I never feed the trolls. It only stops if we all stand up and voice our objections to this type of behaviour. I know it is hard for some people to do this but if you just nod and smile you become part of the problem and are condoning the behaviour. Adults need role models just as much as children.
Fitness Minutes: (220,360)
21,527 3/11/14 2:29 P
I agree with KJ. Nod and smile. Don't engage in more than casual conversation (weather, sports, movies) because this person may be looking for information to damage someone else.
Some people are just busy bodies.
Fitness Minutes: (76,885)
2,953 3/11/14 2:24 P
I politely tell the person I am not interested in hearing about other people lives through a 3rd party. I like my information straight from the horses' mouth so to speak.
B. I don't engage in the conversation. The more people respond, the more the person thinks what they are saying is ok to say. If you simply nod and smile, you are giving them tacit approval for them to continue with that behaviour.
Don't eat with the person. If they start to gossip, walk away. If someone asks why - tell them you can't stand gossips. Point blank.
We have anew employee here. We all eat lunch together and everyday this new employee starts talking about people! Everyone gets sucked into saying things, but I really try to keep my mouth shut.... Today she was talking about friends of my daughter! She was telling some things that were all wrong, I corrected a few. I thought " hey, idiot! can`t you see you are talking about people I know?" But apparently she doesn`t care! Its getting to the point I`m afraid I will tell her off and well, she`s new, but also a superior of me. How does anyone handle this kind of crap?
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