girl problems

Posts: 2,364
3/2/12 2:32 P

@Rock_Climber2

"Apparently being competent and sure of myself makes me come off as arrogant and having a superiority complex. oh well. need to hit the trails and find the right lady to spend time with"

Only if:

a) The girl is insecure and too uncomfortable in her skin to deal with a confident man
OR
b) You ARE being arrogant and superior.

Nothing wrong with being confident, it's a very appealing quality. But there's a difference between having that internal glow of "I love my life and I'm happy with myself" and the bravado of "look at how great I am girls!".

If your behaviour is closer to example B than example A then that might explain why girls aren't interested. Whatever the situation, being happy with yourself and your life is a good start.

Posts: 316
3/2/12 2:22 P

my recent relationships have fizzled out. one of my patients summed things up pretty well, and men can't find love and have a successful relationship until they are happy with their life. I'm going to concentrate on getting my affairs in order and get things going the way that I want them to go.

Apparently being competent and sure of myself makes me come off as arrogant and having a superiority complex. oh well. need to hit the trails and find the right lady to spend time with

Posts: 381
2/28/12 1:26 P

Girl perspective #2.
Be genuine.
*DISCLAIMER* Being genuine does not involve laying out your life/relationship story when meeting her, or professing your love...

Just be you. As long as you're honest about who you are, you're going to attract someone genuinely interested in you. You don't need game to start a relationship. "Game" is only a requirement when your intent is strictly "play".

Posts: 2,364
2/28/12 12:09 P

Weighing in with a girl's perspective:

Before you even start looking, figure out what makes you happy. Happiness with yourself is incredibly attractive. If you're down in the dumps, it puts people off. A woman seeing a depressed fellow thinks "Too much baggage. I'll have to carry both of us around. I want someone who can share with me and protect me, not someone I have to mother." Whereas a happy guy brings about feelings of "Cut me a slice of that!"

Once you've figured out what makes you happy, please be yourself! Do not try to tell a girl what you think she wants to hear, or to change yourself to suit her preferences. This will lead to misery. You'll resent that you can't be yourself, and she will feel betrayed when you're no longer behaving as her make-believe man. If you start out being yourself, both of you can decide whether she likes you and you like her.

Don't try too hard. As others have mentioned, desperation smells. The chase is appealing for a lot of girls. If they don't feel 100% sure of you, they'll treat you better than if they think they have you in their pockets. Not all girls are like this, but there are enough out there to make you miserable if you let them.

Continue to work on what makes you happy, and don't focus too much on being in a relationship. It's amazing how many times a great relationship has fallen out of the sky when you're happy to be single and just not looking.

Best of luck.

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Posts: 40
2/22/12 9:56 P

My $.02: Build a life you're stoked to have, then see who trots up and is excited to share in it with you. If you're really enjoying your life people will be attracted to you, rather than you needing to promote yourself with them. Makes all the difference.

Most important of all, *stay you* instead of trying to woo someone in ways that just aren't you at all. Winning someone over is one thing, having them realize they bought an act (or you realizing that you won something you didn't want) is another thing altogether.

Just let each date be a date. I think of it as "one date at a time", a little riff on that "one day at a time" idea.

Keep it simple and know that we're out here rooting for you.

Posts: 2,160
2/22/12 8:20 A

I guess you have to decide what you find attractive in a lady. One man's poison is another man's pleasure. I know that very few women go for men that whine. Never, ever, bring up the ex! Spend time finding out about your date. I have been very successful with women simply because I am genuinely interested in finding out about people.

My daughter is very beautiful and attracts men like bees to honey. She hates when a man proclaims his undying love on the second date.

You will find the right lady.

Thanks, Bruce

Posts: 646
2/20/12 3:17 P

Hang in there. Keep doing positive things for yourself & "it" will happen!

Posts: 1,251
2/14/12 8:28 A

be yourself, do not push it to hard, find things in common build on that!

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Posts: 369
2/13/12 10:26 P

You said that you found someone that you like, but what does she like to do? See if there is something you both like doing and ask her to join you. When you actually do things with the girl you can find out more about her than just going to a movie or something.

Posts: 14,355
2/13/12 8:17 P

not much to work with here KK, give us more details.

Posts: 1,178
2/13/12 8:09 P

Not mine but well worth considering;

... going out to the bars with the specific intention of trying to pick up girls NEVER worked, regardless of my age. Part of that is because I don’t really like talking to strangers, but the bigger reason is that I was out TRYING to pick up girls. Women know when that’s why you’re out, and it turns them off. They can smell your desperation. I think back to the handful of occasions since college when I picked up a girl at a bar, and every time I was just having a fun night with friends and not trying...

That trying thing rings true. Be youself with the lady, she'll apperciate it.

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2/13/12 4:07 P

Thanks that really helped!

Posts: 17
2/13/12 4:04 P

Don't invest much in it. Be casual and realize there are a lot of 'em out there. I've always found that if I don't let myself care too much, it goes well. Or just go in guns blazing and hope for the best. That has worked too. Just don't forget to have fun. Mkay?

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2/13/12 3:34 P

i dont know if this is really the place to be asking for this kind of help but here it goes. i have been single now for 2 years I'm ready to start dating after a long term relationship went south. it just seem like i have no game anymore. i try my hardest to find someone but it always seems like no one is interested. i found a girl i really like and would like some help plz. any advise will help. thanks so much!