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TOPIC:  

getting feelings hurt



 
 
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TURTLESDOVE
Posts: 1,061
8/1/11 8:15 P

thanks. It's going ok. I'm still having low self esteem issues, though. Somehow, after being told that, I just don't think I'm good enough for him. I have lost about 5 pounds of the 20 that I gained so I'm just keeping on keeping on until I do get down to the right size. 15 more pounds is not a whole lot of weight to lose. I'm not giving up.I'm dancing to Zumba Wii and sweating my a$$ off, (well, not quite), but you get the picture. Thanks for asking.



KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,787
8/1/11 7:07 P

let us know how it's going



TURTLESDOVE
Posts: 1,061
7/27/11 2:48 P

thank-you. I will.



FITCHALLENGER
SparkPoints: (7,321)
Fitness Minutes: (10,690)
Posts: 349
7/27/11 2:16 P

Some of us come with a mouth-brain missing link. By what you write I can be sure he didn't mean it the way it sounded. I've made that mistake many times, and it feels awful exactly because you never intended the comment to sound the way it did.

The intention was not there, so let it go. Be happy about your baby, everything else is transitory.



FITCHALLENGER
SparkPoints: (7,321)
Fitness Minutes: (10,690)
Posts: 349
7/27/11 2:15 P

Some of us come with a mouth-brain missing link. By what you write I can be sure he didn't mean it the way it sounded. I've made that mistake many times, and it feels awful exactly because you never intended the comment to sound the way it did.

The intention was not there, so let it go. Be happy about your baby, everything else is transitory.



TURTLESDOVE
Posts: 1,061
7/27/11 9:50 A

thanks. I know he really didn't mean to hurt my feelings. He has never had a weight issue before. I gave him heck about it though. I even threatened to leave him it was that bad. Here I am after giving birth, already feeling unattractive, can't have sex for six weeks, the baby pulling my boobies out of whack, and my stomach stretched like somebody let the air out of a float. It hurt bad that here's this skinny supermodel that probably doesn't eat enough to keep a junebug alive, when I had to eat enough for two my whole pregnancy, you get the picture. Thanks, Amy



JUMU1969
Posts: 203
7/26/11 3:32 P

Turtlesdove-

I think he had no idea of what he thought of as a lighthearted joke did to you. I would say that for every wrong, he has to make it up to you by 10 "rights!" Make a list for him. "Honey, that joke about comparing my body to the actress on TV hurt my feelings. IF you want to get any 'action' anytime soon, you need to do 10 nice things for me- gifts, flowers, chores, compliments, etc., :)"



TURTLESDOVE
Posts: 1,061
7/24/11 2:20 P

oh, you mean I'm not human? Smart a$$es have no place here either, get over it!!!

Edited by: TURTLESDOVE at: 7/24/2011 (14:23)


DWROBERGE
SparkPoints: (326,906)
Fitness Minutes: (301,717)
Posts: 69,711
7/22/11 7:22 P

feelings have no place here. Get over it!



KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,787
7/22/11 5:13 P

And your retort could've been, "....and twice as many if you were hung like Matt Damon!"





N0_EQL
Posts: 625
7/22/11 8:11 A

A light hearted way would have been to say: "Yeah and if you looked more like __________ we might too!" Followed by a chuckle. Then let it go.

Or simply at the time so say, WOW that was insensitive! Sometimes we don't pay as much attention to our words and their effect as we should.

Allowing ourselves to be held accountable and holding others accountable is not a bad thing.



STEPSIDE
Posts: 27
7/21/11 7:31 P

Anytime :)



TURTLESDOVE
Posts: 1,061
7/20/11 8:52 P

thank you so much. I needed that.



STEPSIDE
Posts: 27
7/20/11 6:29 P

Yeah, that was a really douchy thing to say to be honest. The #1 rule with wives/girlfriends is to NEVER EVER EVER EVER mention weight in a negative context. EVER.

Our job is to be open and honest when you ask us how you look, but we do it in a respectful way. Whenever I notice my wife has lost a couple pounds, I make sure to mention it. Not only for encouragement, but because I honestly love how when she loses weight, her hourglass figure gets more defined and I love how her breasts look (hey, it's the truth...) She knows this and it makes her feel good.

Now, I'm not condoning what your husband said (like I said, it was really douchy) but you have to realize that men talk to each other that way. We have an informality and a "say-it-as-it-is" style that most women lack. Was he just joking around? Of course he was, would he have said had he known it hurt your feelings? And this is the kicker...NO. He probably has NO idea that he hurt your feelings...he was just trying to be funny. My wife knows I love how Scarlett Johansen looks, and I know how she loves to look at Johnny Depp. It's human nature...just call him a douche and be done with it. It's only a huge deal if you let it bother you.



TURTLESDOVE
Posts: 1,061
7/20/11 2:37 P

ok guys I can ask you cause you guys. My husband, whom I love very much, said something to me that hurt my feelings and I am still not over it after a few months. I am 20 pounds overweight and one night we saw a commercial on tv with Heidi Klum.He said, " baby, if you looked like that, we would have more babies". We had just had a baby, btw. It really hurt my feelings and I am still hurt. I cannot get over it. He said he was sorry and I forgave him, but maybe I havent really forgave him because it still bothers me. I have 20 pounds to lose and I have low self esteem right now. How do I get past this? In a guys perspective, should I have not got my feelings hurt? Do I need a shrink?



 
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