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BABYBELL3 Posts: 23
9/27/11 4:00 P

I can see you are working very hard. I think we have to choose our priorities, the things that are most important to us and that means, for me at least, making sacrifices. The biggest sacrifice I made was my social life and dating. It was clear to me that the road ahead, in order for me to do my best by my children, would be a lonely road. The road was hard work to get ahead in my work and pay the bills and be there for my children in the quick passing magic years of their youth. My true friends understood and stuck by me. I have wonderful girl friends. But a romantic relationship with a man was impossible. Because in a romantic relationship, one's partner has to become the most important person in your life. My children were the most important people in my life.

To SJSNYDER, keep up the good work! Your son someday will appreciate it and for us single moms, our children are much better social security for our old age than anything the government will give us, I think, or than the next charming man that pays attention to us...for a while at least. In my profession, I see a lot of women who have become estranged from their adult children because of boyfriends and second and more marriages. While all kinds of accusations and blame get tossed around, it does not change the basic fact that so many moms have lost their adult children over their romances with men who are not their children's fathers and they will never get their children back.

SJSNYDER99 Posts: 118
9/27/11 10:04 A

I am a single mom with a 7 year old very active child. I actually work two jobs and find it hard to make a good healthly dinner. The other day I noticed my son without a shirt on and his upper body was starting to look kind of like cottage cheese. I felt horrible because by the time I get home we do homework then he gets a bath and goes to bed. Of course we eat at some point in there and we never do anything fun anymore. I feel I have let him down but I am exhausted and can't wait to go to bed myself. I need to try harder but it is just so hard for me.

DEBILILY SparkPoints: (3,768)
Fitness Minutes: (2,004)
Posts: 39
9/26/11 9:15 P

BB - You've got a beautiful outlook on your situation!! If only others in your predicament (and I'm sure there are many) had the same grounded perspective.

I hope you realize that your spirit and faith will carry you through -- and focus you on friends who are like a second family to you. You've certainly found empathetic people here on SP -- and we'll be here to support you when you need it!

LIfting prayers up for you -- that you keep your strength and continue to find joy in your kids and those around you.

BABYBELL3 Posts: 23
9/23/11 11:26 P

thanks Okiemommy2012. Yes I do feel God's presence very strongly. Sometimes it is as simple as a little warning voice in my head or an e-mail that I forgot about that I luckily found when I was cleaning out my e-mail Inbox at just the right time. How does one pray for sinners when they clearly do not see anything wrong with what they do and continue to hurt me and my children? After years of trying to live with it and work with it and make it better, the kids and I just walked away. I just prayed a lot and the image I kept getting was of the family in the Old Testament that walked away from Sodom and Gomorrah and God told them to not look back. I pray that they repent though I think that is hopeless and I pray that God have mercy on their souls and I trust them to Him.

OKIEMOMMY2012 Posts: 73
9/23/11 10:36 P

God is right there with you. He is pulling you through the muck. All I can say is pray for those people. Pray for favor with everyone you deal with in life. I am a full time single mom too so if you ever want to talk just send me a message on here.

SUPERSYLPH Posts: 1,269
9/19/11 11:09 P

It's okay; it's not your fault. Create a support system with friends since you don't have much family as support.

BABYBELL3 Posts: 23
9/17/11 6:33 P

There are days I feel demoralized, like today. The house is a mess, I have to work a few hours this evening, my son in college hasn't called me back and I haven't talked to him for over a week, my other son and daughter have a party...and I just want to be myself - wish granted there but with nothing to do but get my head together. But there is TOO much to do. Maybe that means my head is already together and that I don't need to be spending time on that.

I don't like to be a burden on my friends and family, which I too often have been after my husband died from cancer ten years ago. I have a strong faith but sometimes I feel that God does most of the heavy lifting many days. I guess He thinks it is OK or he won't do it. I don't feel lonely. I want to be alone so I can get my bearings. After my husband died, my family that lived nearby ran the other way. Except my mom, who also died. But the rest of the family is all broken, divorces, remarriages, steps- and halves- and over the years the mix has just become more and more toxic till everyone just avoids each other. I stay away from my in-laws because the they, especially the steps- became too mean, not just to me but also to the kids! And my father remarried and his second wife cut out his children from his first marriage, including me, from his life.

So that is what I feel demoralized about the most. At the time I most need my family, they have rejected me and the children. It is hard to not blame myself and feel really poorly about myself. Logic tells me that is nonsense and self-defeating. I guess I need a sign from God that I have been a good person and done the right thing. I think I have the sign in three happy and loving kids with good friends and good grades. They say the proof is in the pudding. OK, I am going to face life again. I feel better and thanks for listening and sharing your wisdom and advice. God bless you.

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