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GRIZ1GIRL SparkPoints: (128,549)
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Posts: 2,241
4/29/13 12:28 P

Doesn't sound like much of a "friend" to me....

GEVANS7 SparkPoints: (69,727)
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Posts: 1,516
4/29/13 11:11 A

"Shake her loose - out of respect for yourself if nothing else"

Well said. Let her go, it's obvious she has let you go. People don't show up and cancel when they really didn't want to go in the first place. I wouldn't even bother trying to have a conversation with her.

MYUTMOST4HIM Posts: 11,447
4/29/13 10:59 A

Shake her loose - out of respect for yourself if nothing else

I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
4/29/13 10:57 A

My question is why would people allow friends to be negligent, but when a spouse becomes negligent they often get divorced. I understand you do take a vow to love and cherish, but it also says for better or for worse.

AMARANTHA120S Posts: 474
4/29/13 9:39 A

If it were me and this person was truly my friend, I'd talk to them about it, as I also believe we can never know what another person, even a friend, is going through or why they do what they do.

I would talk to the friend about my feelings but not really expect them to have to change just to be my friend.

A true friend is a rarity and a true friend is a true friend. I'd just accept that is they way they are.

It'd take a lot more than just the behavior of not showing up, being late, etc., to make me want to lose a friend.

If they want to stop being friends with me, that's their prerogative, though.

I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
4/29/13 9:28 A

I noticed on message boards when a question like this is asked they say things such as "well you do not know what they are going through", but I think if it were them being hurt they would be upset too and not be thinking that especially after many times. Rudeness is the word, and if I have the choice not to have rudeness in my life then I won't have it. With family it isn't as easy, so sometimes we put up with it but usually just by running into one another at another relatives house, never planning time alone. Rudeness is never in unless she died, or got hurt, there is no way she couldn't have called to say sorry something came up will get back to you asap, even a text will do, over a no show no notice.

LEC358 SparkPoints: (9,479)
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4/29/13 8:40 A

I have a rule where if I plan something (ie going to a baseball game, movies, etc) and someone bails twice in a row, they have to plan an activity and follow through before I will plan something with them again. That way, all of my friends respect each other and their time and not all the planning is left to one person.

CHERYLHURT SparkPoints: (126,456)
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Posts: 22,153
4/28/13 8:42 P

I have gone thru the same thing...

I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
4/28/13 6:58 P

Only you can make up your mind if enough is enough. I dropped my best friend after not only not showing up for my daughters wedding, but for not even asking about it or calling a good month afterwards. I removed her from my facebook, and then she texted me on my phone saying she isn't sure if her niece messed with her facebook or phone or some crap. I never answered her so she got the message. I never will be her friend again. We already stopped talking once for 6 years due to her negligence. Her loss, but it is shame since we were friends since 7th grade.

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,290
4/28/13 6:42 P

If it were me, it would depend on how long I was friends with the person and other aspects of our friendship.
If this is new behavior and you have been close friends a long time then I would let her know that it hurts to be stood up or canceled on repeatedly. I would ask her directly what is going on with her. I might very well stay friends with her but not make plans to go out together again.

MARCIEMCGOWAN Posts: 2,344
4/28/13 4:22 P

I agree, talk to her and share your feelings. It hurts when someone keeps doing the same thing over and over.

emoticon

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (32,113)
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Posts: 1,723
4/28/13 1:15 P

I would talk to her. Hey, friend, you have either last minute canceled or not shown the last 3 times we had planned to get together. What's up?
Depending on her response you have your answer.


MEBAZI SparkPoints: (15,785)
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4/28/13 10:35 A

Continually cancelling is one thing, she may be going through something that you do not know about. But, to not even call and have you waiting 2 hours is flat out rude. I would confront her and tell her she hurt your feelings. You have to consider if what you have invested in her as a friend is worth fighting for. It may be best to let her go. It just depends on your history. But either way, communication is key because it shows that you respect yourself. Good luck, I know those can be sticky situations.

MASHAMOO Posts: 1,667
4/28/13 10:32 A

It's hard when other people don't consider your time as important as theirs. There's a couple of things you can do. You can either tell her exactly how you feel, which may make her defensive and end the friendship, or you can plan around her not showing up.

SHERYLDS Posts: 12,056
4/28/13 9:04 A

you may not know what is going on with her.
If you consider her a friend....then she is obviously someone you share confidences with.
Not all friends play the same roles in our lives.
There are people we go out with and there are people we trust with our secrets.
They aren't always one and the same

When she cancels out with you...she is also denying herself a good time.
Maybe there is something that you aren't aware of, that she doesn't share.

I would not end a friendship
I would make plans with other friends and invite her....
if she comes...she comes
if she doesn't it's her loss...but you continue.

Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 4/28/2013 (09:50)
MLAN613 SparkPoints: (159,298)
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4/28/13 7:45 A

I think you have options as presented here. Personally, I think it depends on how good of a friend she is. If she's a really good friend, I'd talk to her. If she isn't, than ditch her. It isn't fun to lose a friend but sometimes it's better. I had to cut off friends before. It hurts at first but it gets easier.

CHIHUAHUAMOM2 Posts: 348
4/28/13 7:10 A

I went thru this myself with someone. She consistently showed up late for our lunch dates...I punch a time clock at work...she doesn't. After years of this happening, one day I just left before she got there. She called me and I told her I didn't think we should have lunch together anymore. That was 3 years ago. We met on the street last fall, and agreed to a lunch date. Since then, we have been meeting once a week, and she has been prompt every single time. Some people just need a taste of their own medicine.....I think you should talk with your friend. Let her know that YOUR time is valuable, and you don't have the time to waste waiting for her. Let her know if she needs to cancel, its okay, but to CALL IN ADVANCE (not at the last minute!) you to let you know....otherwise, tell her you cannot continue to be friends with her. Its sad that we have to do this sometimes, but it is reality.

Edited by: CHIHUAHUAMOM2 at: 4/28/2013 (07:11)
ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (140,449)
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Posts: 20,728
4/28/13 7:02 A

EOWYN2424,

I agree. You might consider letting this friend go. A good friend would tell you in advance if they had to break a date. If an emergency came up at the last minute, that's different. keeping you waiting like that really is rude.

Have you talked to her about how she constantly breaks your dates ? If not, you really need to talk with her. Tell her how rejected you feel when she doesn't show up for a date. Tell her how much time you waste waiting for her. Let her know you feel her behavior is rude. If she can't answer your questions, then maybe it is time to find a new friend. People can and do change. Maybe you're just growing apart as friends. it's a shame, but it does happen. And that's not a reflection on anything you've done.



KKKAREN SparkPoints: (214,358)
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Posts: 11,639
4/28/13 6:00 A

people come and go thru our lives. Maybe it's time for this one to go. It hurts but it hurts worse to keep getting dumped on.

PARKERB2 SparkPoints: (129,515)
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Posts: 12,065
4/28/13 5:45 A

I went through that this past 2 years. We walked everyday for years and then she got a job and dropped me like a hot potato. I have since moved on and do my walking and exercising by myself or with a buddy from work. I doubt if we will be able to rekindle the friendship.

ONELITTLEPILL SparkPoints: (30,234)
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4/28/13 5:35 A

I think that's really rude of her to not at least call. I think I would tell her it really hurt my feelings and leave the next step up to her. Surround yourself with positive people who don't bring you down. On the other hand, if she ends up having a valid reason, I'd give her another chance... Good luck!

EOWYN2424 Posts: 5,767
4/28/13 5:19 A

I have a close gf who keeps breaking promises. We will make an appt to go out but she will always cancel at the last minute. I'm getting sick of how unreliable she is!

I mean, if she had given me advance notice if she was unable to come, I wouldn't mind. But I waited for her for more than 2 hours today and she didn't turn up, neither did she give me a call informing me that she wasn't coming!

Should I end the friendship?

Edited by: EOWYN2424 at: 4/28/2013 (05:23)
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