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JHISEROTE SparkPoints: (8,887)
Fitness Minutes: (7,443)
Posts: 209
11/9/12 10:33 P

Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of your life, focus on positive. I am a huge believer in The Law Of Attraction. Basically, the attitude you are putting out into the world is what you are attracting back to you. If you still have any anger issues about your divorce or any event in your life, you definitely want to get help in letting that go! I will be the first to tell you that being positive all the time is extremely hard especially if you are caught in a spiral of negative thoughts which in turn is attracting negative situations in your life! But the one thing about turning your attitude around is that you have nothing to lose! A positive attitude is not going to hurt you and it's going to make you feel better! Take into account that you do have 2 jobs and in today's economy, finding ONE job is hard! Another positive you have is that you do have a place to live and people that are willing to help you out when times are tough! Seek out more positive people because they can be inspirational and they will lift your spirits. Also, positive people tend to be more successful in life so let them be resources in your own life! The more you put yourself out there, the more opportunities will come into your life! Take up a new hobby that will let you meet new people! Get out there and find yourself! You are worth it!!!!

Edited by: JHISEROTE at: 11/9/2012 (22:35)
NEED2MOVE2 Posts: 1,274
11/9/12 1:11 P


HEZZYLUNA Posts: 129
11/9/12 10:20 A


I'm so sorry for the way you're feeling, It truly saddens me to read what you wrote. I'm not really great at advice, so if you can only take one thing from this, I hope it's that you're NOT alone. The people here at SP are so caring, honestly if you say you need support, these folks will give it to you tenfold!

Someone below said that you're sadness is really inside of you, not outside in the same world with the same faces you see every day. That being said, I challenge you to challenge yourself. My dad has always told me and my siblings since we were young two things, which over the years have proven both true and helpful:

1) Just smile, even if you don't mean it, keep smiling. It's impossible to be sad or angry if you're smiling.
2) Just bullsh*t it. Whether you don't know the answer, you have nothing to say, or if you're angry or sad and want to be happy, just bullsh*t it (fake it!).

(side note: That second one actually helped me out during high school when I didn't know the answer, LOL.)

I truly wish for peace in your heart, but please remember that no one is just going to hand it to you; and no one with true peace in their heart has ever gotten it easily. Fight through this dark time. We go through some painful stuff. But eventually, before we even really realize how or why, we find ourselves on the other side, and we realize we made it through and it's in the past, and we're alive!


SUNSHINE6442 Posts: 2,194
11/9/12 7:50 A

I dont know who wrote this but I find it uplfting......
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

The best six doctors anywhere
And no one can deny it
Are sunshine, water, rest, and air
Exercise and diet.
These six will gladly you attend
If only you are willing
Your mind they'll ease
Your will they'll mend
And charge you not a shilling.
~Nursery rhyme quoted by Wayne Fields, What the River Knows, 1990

NICIACOLETTE SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 18
11/8/12 5:43 A

Hi Stargirl, it sounds like you've accomplished a lot in the past few years..leaving a relationship is never easy and then dealing with hardships after must have been difficult. I think change is good when you're feeling stuck. Sometimes taking day trips and moving towards doing things that are outside of your routine can help with getting out of a depressing rut. Also, if something inside you is telling you that you need to change up your life then you should listen that's never worth staying stuck. You're worth having aspirations, goals and moving toward a better life. Take things a day at a time and make plans do things that will make you happier.

YOJULEZ SparkPoints: (15,981)
Fitness Minutes: (120)
Posts: 2,171
11/8/12 12:37 A

I've been there. I used to make 6 figures, lived in a gorgeous apartment in a fabulous city. I ate at top notch restaurants, went to fabulous parties. I interacted with a lot of famous people through my job. If anybody looked at me on the surface, they'd think I had a great life. But, I was absolutely miserable. I hated my boss, he hated me too. I gained 50lbs in 5 years. I eventually quit in 2010, moved back in with my parents across the country, and took a job making $14/hour and decided to go back to school. At first I too felt like the world was my oyster, so relieved to be out of such a bad situation, but as I got settled in, I started feeling pretty low. I felt like the biggest loser on the planet, being back near my hometown where all my old friends were married and starting families, and there was I was in my late 20s living with my parents, overweight, and barely getting by. I felt like I was letting everyone down since I was always the successful one in my family. But, I slowly worked my way out of it, that's all there was to do. I did not let it consume me, and I realized who I was had nothing to do with where I lived or what I did for a living. I am now in a relationship with a great guy, I moved states to be with him in May. If you had asked me a year ago where I'd be now, I wouldn't have had a good answer for you. I learned that you never do know what the future brings, and the past is the past, so all you can do is live in the now, and work on being the best person you can be, no matter what your circumstances are. So, my advice is, try to keep your chin up, take care of yourself, and try to do something nice for yourself as often as possible, even if it's just taking a day to stay in your pajamas and watch old movies all day, or taking your dog to the park to run around, or take a drive to a nearby city to explore it. You ARE something, and you are worth it.

NIKKIG3 Posts: 1,663
11/8/12 12:20 A

Hi there STARGIRL1114,

Welcome to the world of alot of people now a day, including myself. As I read your post I felt like you were looking into my life with certain aspects. I too had to move back and live with my parents. And let me tell you, I had my own place for alot of years FOR A REASON. My parents are CRAZZYYYY.

But you sound like a very determine person having a bad day. Know that you are not alone and I just hope better times are ahead for you and me. I am currently looking for a job, while living with my parents and that is a hard pill to swallow when I use to be the type to go out with friends and shop with no worries. Pay bills and have money left over for savings. But you cant let that get you down. I believe that things will get better, this is just a rough patch.

Stay strong!!

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (194,605)
Fitness Minutes: (290,038)
Posts: 26,863
11/4/12 6:53 A


There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about !! Many extremely educated people are having problems financially. It's not you or me or them. It's the economy. Until the economy starts improving, people with masters may have to take menial jobs to pay the bills. That does NOT make them failures !!!

Believe me, I understand. I was laid off in July and I'm still looking for full time work. It's not easy. Luckily, I have unemployment as well as a couple of part time jobs. I'm not particularly happy about the situation, but I'm not blaming myself either. And neither should you.

You're depressed and that's totally understandable. But, you have to do your best to look on the bright side because there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Keep sending out your resume looking for better opportunities. Hang tight ! As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". Start playing up your positives !

You've had a lot of adversity these last three years. You're a strong person with a lot to offer the world. One thing you might consider doing is some volunteer work. volunteer for a few hours at your local church, elder care facility, food pantry, etc. there are a lot of organizations looking for volunteers. Shoot, if you live near NYC or NJ, volunteer to help the victims of Hurricane Sandy.

Volunteering will help you feel better about yourself because you'll be doing something good for someone else. It'll also help keep you get out of the house. Keeping busy is important. don't sit at home because that will make you more depressed.

Don't be afraid to come out of your comfort zone.


SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (241,175)
Fitness Minutes: (41,039)
Posts: 26,441
11/4/12 3:34 A

I have never done yoga, but I gather that some forms of it are particularly helpful for emotional stress. One of my fellow co-Moderators on the Dealing with Depression Team is a qualified Yoga Instructor.

I will tell you one thing that my Psychologist prescribed to me a few years ago. I was to go to a Cafe once a week and have a coffee. Her rationale was that the staff would recognize me as a regular and as such would greet me in a more familiar way, and strike up a conversation. She said it would give me a chance to get out and amongst other people apart from my shopping or medical appointments. I mostly went around lunch time, on the same day of the week, and soon noticed that there were others who were regulars, too. This in turn made it easier for me to say hello to them, and after a while, strike up a conversation with them, too. I took me out of my isolating, and because of this helped me immensely. I ended up really looking forward to that treat. I would watch the world go by, but not leave me behind. I could soon see that in reality I was no different from a myriad of other people - it is just that we often don't really take a lot of notice of other people when we are in an emotional turmoil.

Good luck,

STARGIRL1114 Posts: 2
11/4/12 3:23 A

Thank you, Kris. I did a yoga video. I think I need to spend more time with people and not withdraw. My therapist doesn't have a specialty. I get embarrassed thinking of myself as ED because i am normal weight. But I will work on this by bringing it up in therapy. I really do appreciate your response.


SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (241,175)
Fitness Minutes: (41,039)
Posts: 26,441
11/4/12 3:09 A

Everybody, even highly educated and filthy rich people have down times, some worse than others. That doesn't mean that our down times are meaningless or shouldn't be. The events of our lives mold and shape us in many ways, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the not so good.

What we need to tell ourselves is that this shall pass, that the good times WILL come back again. You need to have faith that it will.

You have an Eating Disorder. I hope that you have a Therapist who specializes in ED's. If not, please make an appointment with your Dr, explain what is going on and ask for a referral to one. Don't let cost put you off because there are ways and means of accessing this help. Talk to your Dr about it.

You have had 3 years with chronic challenges. I have had well over 30 years, but I still hold onto the hope that it will get better ..... because I KNOW that it will! I'm not saying that as in "I am worse off than you" because it isn't what I mean. Sometimes seeing the ugly side of people can help us to become better people within ourselves, and be more considerate of others.

Are you able to get out for walks or spend some time with your friends to give you a break from your surroundings? You really come across as quite depressed to me. You have mentioned that you are sick of all that is around you, with the exception of your dog. One thing that I have noticed many times is that when people shift away with the hopes of things being better anywhere but where they are now, things often go belly up because the problem is actually inside them, and that goes where-ever you go. This is why a Therapist would be of great benefit for you - to help you deal with your marital break-up, to help deal with your job issues and to help deal with your self-worth. That might just help you to deal with your ED.

There IS a light at the end of the tunnel - you just have to believe it!

BIG hugs,
Kris xx

STARGIRL1114 Posts: 2
11/4/12 1:34 A

I am a very positive person typically, and have worked hard to overcome challenges. And Jan makes two years since i left my ex-husband. for the past 3 years it seems like chronic challenges and problems and hardships and i never really get through one without a new one. i am so aware that people have it worse and I'm fortunate for what i do have but for several weeks now i am just sad and down and lonely all the time. i feel like a huge loser. i have a masters degree and hardly make enough to support myself because i cannot find a decent job, so i work two jobs and make so little. i've seen the ugliest sides of people in the past three years and i hate that it has made me jaded and less hopeful and positive. i have had to return to my parents' home, and i feel it's starting to bring me back to eating disordered behaviors. and i don't even mind which makes me realize that the eating disorder might have gotten to me already since i'm not alarmed by how much i have regressed.

I just fantasize about moving far away all the time. i need to see new faces, new sights, new sounds... i'm sick of the city in which i live. i'm sick of my house. my dog is the greatest joy in my life and i'm thankful for him. but i just feel so, so lost. and i remember when i had it all. when worrying about bills was never a thought in my mind. and how much i loved being with friends after my divorce and laughed and smiled and felt the world was my oyster. now i am just trying to make it. trying to believe i will not be consumed. that maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel. i am so disgusted that this is whom i have become. I'm actually embarrassed of myself and i feel awkward around family friends and stuff because i feel like i am nothing and have nothing to show. I'm sorry this is so long.

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