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REGINAROLLINS SparkPoints: (66,618)
Fitness Minutes: (30)
Posts: 1,631
7/1/14 9:44 A

That is so sad, but there was nothing else you could have done!!! When alcohol is envolved, the person must admit they have a problem, before anything can help. You must get on with your life and be strong!!!!!!

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (247,333)
Fitness Minutes: (41,424)
Posts: 26,814
7/1/14 2:04 A

My late husband was an alcoholic and a heavy smoker, who also had some very serious other health issues, all of which were significantly impacted by his drinking and smoking. He had been told be a Specialist that if he continued to drink, he MIGHT live another 5 years, but if he stopped, there was no reason from HER specialty's point of view (Gastroenterology) that he couldn't live a long life. He died about 4 years after she told him this.

I had asked him if he 'wanted' do die. He said "no, but I want to enjoy my life and live it how I want to live it"

The same with his smoking. When he had his first heart attack a few years ago, he had no risk factors, other than his brother had died of a heart attack a few days before his 44th birthday. He was an alcoholic and heavy smoker too, who had had a previous heart attack. Anyway, the Cardiologist told hubby that IF he quit smoking "today" it would be like he could blindfold hubby and take him outside the hospital (a busy big one) and send him across the road, and he would be perfectly safe, but if he continued to smoke, and he was blindfolded and sent across Auckland's busiest street at lunchtime, he WOULD be hit! Hubby died during a very sudden 4th heart attack.

He had had significant input from professionals to quit smoking and drinking, but unfortunately it didn't work.

The thing is, you can't hold yourself responsible for what others do. They have to take responsibility for their own actions. They alone have the power to do something about it, AND they have to WANT to do something.

It doesn't make it any harder on those left behind. My hubby has been gone for 19 months now.

It sounds like what you are doing, apart from grieving, is that you are blaming yourself and 'punishing' yourself with food. In their memory, please live your life as healthy as YOU can live it.

If you find it hard to deal with this, then please talk with your Dr about it. Ask for a referral to a Therapist who specializes in grief. YOU deserve it!

Good luck,

ALICEPHIPPS1955 Posts: 150
6/30/14 7:21 P

Thanks you guys I actually decided to revamp dinner!!! I had steak decided to only eat half,then I had a tomato sliced and half of a medium cucumber w/a handful of boston lettuce(no dressing),and a snack cup of mott's applesauce(original)!!!!
So I did stay under my top calorie allowance and I have gone over my cals. a couple of times this week so although been walking a lot I some how messed up and fixed the nutrition site to not show me exercise /verses calorie intake and don't know how to fix it back!!!
I am from a family of 7 kids(Iwas the middle kid) and all my siblings have passed away(all sice 2000),a 36 yr. old niece (from a silent heartattack,single mom of 2 teenage boys and a 4th grade teacher) ,both parents and step-parents as well so not a month goes by without someones birthday,anniversary or date they passed!!! I decided I can't mourn indefinetly and am trying to get healthy and off as many meds. as I can.. I have 2 beautiful daughters(37 and 41),and 4 grandkids (2 girls and 2 boys).I WANT TO SEE THEM ALL GROWN,GRADUATE,MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN!!! My oldest grandson is 22(graduated 2010 and drives truck) and isn't wanting marriage/family yet which pleases me!! I live in S.C. and they live in Seattle area,don't see him and his 10 yr. old brother ,my oldest daughter and 2 granddaughters 3 and 13 live here in S,C,)much but it's wonderful to know I can do something for myself and my family by getting healthier.
Thanks for responding I was so worried!!!
I have been on spark since 11/20/13 I initially lost 34lbs. by April (EASTER MY FIRST GOAL WAS TO BE DOWN 30 BY THEN),then I GOT SUPER SICK AND GAINED BACK 5#S!!!
I am a Golds gym member but haven't been going lately!!! mY MOTTO IS "NEVER GIVE UP"!!!
This is the best website and although I still have 123 lbs. to go I know I can do it!!!

6/30/14 3:44 P

Aw sweetie . . . why not give yourself a break today? 103 calories? That's nothing. I spill that at the bar emoticon

Have your nice dinner and be kind to yourself today.

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (197,206)
Fitness Minutes: (294,448)
Posts: 27,083
6/30/14 3:43 P


I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. Don't beat yourself up because you turned to food for comfort. This is something every single member of Spark People have done. we've all been in your shoes.

One over indulgent day or even a week's worth of stress eating WILL NOT make or break your healthy lifestyle. You ate the food. You log the food. You move on. And don't even think about skipping dinner. Eat your normal dinner, if you'd like maybe have an extra serving of veggies. Tomorrow, you try to do your best to eat more mindfully as well as healthfully.

Don't starve yourself or kill yourself in the gym to compensate. You really do have to put today behind you or you risk binge eating later. You're not a bad person or an unhealthy one because you ate in grief today.

This evening you eat your healthy dinner. Tomorrow, you're more mindful. That's all. Put an end to the cycle by putting today behind you. You can't change the past, but you can influence and change the future.

ALICEPHIPPS1955 Posts: 150
6/30/14 2:41 P

WOW!!! Today would of been one of my sister's 47th birthday,she died at the young age of 34 leaving 3 young kids behind( 10,12 and 16).She died from alcoholism!!!! I tried for 2 yrs. to get her to stop drinking as in 2000 my 46 yr. old brother passed from exact same thing also leaving 3 kids behind!!!! Almost exactly to the day 2 yrs. later (as I predicted to her )she passed!!! She now has a 21 yr. old son that is an alcoholic,a drug addicted 23yr. old and a spousal abused 27 yr. old !!!! I keep thinking What else I could of done!!!!!

Anyway I had nothing for breakfast ,drank a reg. 12 oz. soda and a few cups of coffee,then 2 chili dogs for lunch,diet soda and crystal light!!!! Just now put that in my nut.tracker to discover I have had almost 1000 cals. today!!!
Dinner is suppose to be broiled stk. and a salad w/2 tbsp. of dressing!!! If I do that I will be over my daily goal like 103 cals.

Not sure if I should go a head and eat or what!!!!!!



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