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POUNDSAWAY73 SparkPoints: (7,223)
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Posts: 647
6/28/13 8:46 P

emoticon Ignoring comments about my weight has become a lot easier because I have realized that they simply don't understand what we go through.

CESPRINGALL SparkPoints: (188,198)
Fitness Minutes: (173,651)
Posts: 12,463
6/28/13 5:50 P

Sparks people were there for me when I couldn't talk to my family or friends about the last few weeks of my husband's life. I knew he was bad, but kept up a good front to everyone but spark friends. This kind of morale support was priceless to me. Thanks to everyone.

KHALIA2 Posts: 5,691
6/27/13 8:47 P


LIVELYGIRL2 Posts: 3,492
6/27/13 7:27 P

There are tons more positive on this site, than negative. In fact, it's gives me hope for whatever negative things you are referring to. It does sometimes take time and patience to work through things...

CESPRINGALL SparkPoints: (188,198)
Fitness Minutes: (173,651)
Posts: 12,463
6/27/13 11:31 A

Do not get depressed. There are a lot of positives with spark people and a lot of help. Not just dieting help, eating right, exercising properly and moral support. You can do this!


GODDREAMDIVA1 SparkPoints: (249,035)
Fitness Minutes: (174,225)
Posts: 16,969
6/27/13 10:05 A


WRITEMANN1 Posts: 11,283
6/26/13 9:16 P

I was referred to this forum to get some helpful ideas. After reading about a dozens posts, I'm more depressed than ever.

KHALIA2 Posts: 5,691
6/26/13 2:15 P

I agree. Conversing is what worked for me.

DLHM1964 SparkPoints: (1,385)
Fitness Minutes: (20)
Posts: 22
6/26/13 1:45 P

I just started over for what seems like the millionth time. I'm approaching 50 and it is so much harder. Problem is I don't get any support of any kind for anything from anyone. Oh they have lots of advise and plenty of snide comments but nothing that resembles support or understanding. I'm this way for a reason. I eat when I'm upset or worried. Guess how often that is. They love to point out when I fail and that's why no one even knows I'm trying. I sneak out of the house to go walking and I have given the excuse that my digestive problems are the reason I'm eating differently. That doesn't allow for all of the other crap.

LIVELYGIRL2 Posts: 3,492
6/26/13 12:28 P

TO, typing error, you shouldn't get it, but I do because of life experience and my background.

CESPRINGALL SparkPoints: (188,198)
Fitness Minutes: (173,651)
Posts: 12,463
6/26/13 7:17 A

My husband and I never saw eye to eye on my weight problem. Even when he died he saw the 21 year old girl in a bikini. Bless him. He always tried to help me, even going on some of the weird diets I tried. It frustrated me when he had more self control and lost more weight than I did. My current friend has different ideas on losing weight and eating right. It has lead to a few arguments. I just gave up and do not tell him about sparks people, buy lots of greens and eat very little pasta or sweets when we are together. It is easier to eat healthy when I am alone, but I am working on it with friends and family.

LIVELYGIRL2 Posts: 3,492
6/26/13 2:09 A

I would like to say something about your number 2 point. I guess I would be considered one that would fit into your catagory based on what you stated.

I don't think this is always the case. Consider what I'm saying... I am between 115-120 at 5ft 2 inches. So, I should get it.. wrong... my sister has lost nearly 100 lbs. after being size 22-24 since for decades. My brother is obese. My dearest closest friend has been 300-500 lbs. I used to work in the medical field. So while my experience is second hand in many regards,, it has profoundly influenced me. I guess the most extra I had on my petite frame was 35 extra ( but I was uncomfortable. )

It does impact one to see family or friends health decline in serious ways.

Not everyone wants to lecture you, condemn, manage your diet, and the rest. It is a great joy to encourage and support these people, and I really desire from their success. And this is the part of the rest of the story... emoticon

KHALIA2 Posts: 5,691
6/25/13 11:03 P

I Agree! emoticon

CHANTENAY SparkPoints: (23,840)
Fitness Minutes: (16,585)
Posts: 709
6/25/13 8:41 P

You can't expect them to be where you are. Most people aren't trying to do what we are. Just ignore them and think of us.


I remember a time when I wasn't interested in this.



KKLENNERT809 Posts: 10,312
6/25/13 8:01 P

Get them participating in a healthy topic. Give them some info and facts or figures. Maybe you can get them interested instead of non-supportive.

ALIDOSHA Posts: 4,139
6/25/13 6:01 P

It's very difficult indeed.

MAYBER SparkPoints: (116,548)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 9,751
6/25/13 3:39 P

It is hard to ignore the comments
Have the courage to say am doing it for me
You are worth the effort
One day at a time emoticon

JMB2LOSE SparkPoints: (14,042)
Fitness Minutes: (10,295)
Posts: 120
6/25/13 2:54 P


I totally understand not telling too many people about your dieting (I hate it when people make judgements and tell you what they think you should do/eat). My close friends know about my efforts, but as for the rest of those around me, I use countless excuses to avoid eating too much. LOL. I often use that I do not eat certain types of meat, or that I am just a very picky eater.

MADELEINESNOW SparkPoints: (619)
Fitness Minutes: (930)
Posts: 68
6/25/13 2:08 P

I personally have learned not to tell that many people about my dieting and exercising because 1. If they are bigger than me, I don't want to hurt their feelings or imply they need to lose weight. 2. Because if they are naturally thin they don't understand where I'm coming from. 3. I don't want anyone giving me opinions on what I should eat or how I should exercise. The only people that know currently are my immediate family that I live with. I've told people in the past and I just hate having justify my actions to anyone.

Usually I'll make an excuse to either not go somewhere where I know I'm going to be tempted My one friend who is thin always wants to go to fast food so I tell her it upsets my stomach which is true if we go to a local pizza shop I'll get wedding soup or something small and tell her I had a big lunch.

Currently I'm facing a weird situation. I'm taking a summer class at my college and since it's in the evening we do a potluck dinner each week. Last week we had pizza, breadsticks, and pop. I felt awkward not eating but decided it was better not to eat that. Everyone looks at me like a crazy girl.

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,965
6/25/13 12:43 P

"No thanks, I'm not hungry" or "I've been eating all day before this so don't really want a lot" or, since my friends know I eat healthfully and like to do so, "That doesn't even LOOK like it tastes good to me... too sweet/greasy/etc!"

My Mom likes to go to buffets. Always has, always will. So, I still go with her. I don't have to eat everything that is there. I put 3/4 or more vegetables/salad on my plate and a bit of something else. Get baked fish. And so on. That way we can still go, but my diet doesn't get ruined.

If we get a coupon to go to a certain restaurant that isn't as healthy, I'll suggest going on a day in which I know I'm going to workout a lot anyway.

I just focus on my goals and what others say is irrelevant. If they won't support me, I block out their comments and just keep going.

ASININE58 SparkPoints: (10,818)
Fitness Minutes: (10,630)
Posts: 40
6/25/13 12:03 P


On the rare occasions that my boyfriend cooks, I do the same thing you do. The other day I was trying to meet a deadline for a class I am taking, he made dinner. He brought me dinner and it contained about 1000 calories worth of pasta. However, he was happy when I put over half of it back in the pot because that man can eat a crap-ton for someone with a 30 inch waist!

ASININE58 SparkPoints: (10,818)
Fitness Minutes: (10,630)
Posts: 40
6/25/13 11:58 A

Thanks Mariellelamar1,

When it starts to bug me, I try to count my lucky stars that I found a man who is more than happy to eat salads and tofu. He is even happy with trading frozen greek yogurt for his ice cream addiction. And you are totally right, people who never had weight issues have no clue how hard it is. It isn't like you can go cold turkey like with smoking or drinking. You still need food!

JMB2LOSE SparkPoints: (14,042)
Fitness Minutes: (10,295)
Posts: 120
6/25/13 11:54 A

When it is hard for me to say no to my husband's cooking (mostly because I don't want to hurt his feelings), I will tell him that I can have a half serving (just as a taste), but only if he promises to take a walk with me after dinner. I have a taste of whatever he is having served next to a twice as much steamed vegetables on a plate that is between the size of a regular plate and a saucer plate. I have learned though that I have to make my own plate (or he will serve me too much), so I ask him to get me a large glass of water with lemon while I am serving myself the smaller portion (it distracts him from pushing the food on me). I put the leftovers away while he is making his own plate so that it is out of sight, and he will not ask if I want more. If he finishes first, I ask him if he wants more (from my plate).

MARIELLE1944 Posts: 1,454
6/25/13 11:30 A

Dear asinine58,
Unfortunately most people who don't have weight problems have absolutely no idea how to be emotionally supportive. Sounds like your boyfriend is one of those. Maybe if you are direct with him like telling him how you need his help (I would like it if you supported me in keeping track of my food by letting me know you appreciate that I track and weigh everything.) Or maybe roll out the information about weight loss and how fasting and other overcompensations just make it harder to lose weight as time goes on.
Good luck!!!

PINK4YOUTOO Posts: 508
6/25/13 11:28 A

Be like a duck and let those things roll off your back --- or move ON to more positive friends and situations!!

ASININE58 SparkPoints: (10,818)
Fitness Minutes: (10,630)
Posts: 40
6/25/13 11:09 A

My boyfriend and I live together and I do pretty much all of the grocery shopping and cooking. My issue was never really eating poorly, it was just portion control and beer. I have gained about 20 pounds in the five years we have been together. He has told me on many occasions that I need to get back to a healthier weight. I am now weighing all of my food and counting my calories, which has helped me lose 2lbs a week for the last two weeks. When I start measuring out my dinner, he always rolls his eyes and then give me a hard time about recording everything on my Spark App on my iphone. Then, when I am still only at 1100 calories for the day and have 1/2 a cup of greek frozen yogurt he tells me that I'm not allowed to have it. So, I get a bit of a guilt trip for counting all of my calories and then I get a guilt trip for my "reward" for staying within my calorie range for the day. I try to explain to him that I need to have at least 1200 calories per day so I don't stall in my weight loss and he just doesn't understand...he thinks less is more.

MELICIOUS26 SparkPoints: (16,867)
Fitness Minutes: (49,741)
Posts: 116
6/25/13 9:06 A

Thank you all for your insight. I did have a talk with him, and I am happy to say that he has been doing great. I really think he was feeling insecure because he realized that he could afford to lose a few pounds too. He's been cutting down on his snacking, and when we went grocery shopping he stocked the cart with fresh fruits and veggies, and absolutely no potato chips (my personal weakness). I would never let his attitude or lack of support stop me from reaching my goals, because whether he thought so in he beginning, this is important to me, and what man would like a thinner, tighter, more toned wife :)

MOMMAGPLUS11 Posts: 2,669
6/25/13 8:58 A

I ignore them

AMANDACOETZER SparkPoints: (33,546)
Fitness Minutes: (11,969)
Posts: 1,079
6/25/13 6:56 A


CULACCINA Posts: 154
6/25/13 6:54 A

One thing you might want to consider is that maybe he is feeling a bit threatened or jealous about you and your weight-loss plan. Most of the times, when we aim for a change in lifestyle, people get all worried and concerned about how it will affect other aspects of your life; how will it affect your relationship. Make sure to let him know that counting calories and using a phone app won't take more time than the time he probably spends on Facebook, and that there's nothing you can't eat while counting calories, you will just double check your portions and feel better about yourself.
If he loves you and is usually very supportive, then the chances are he's just feeling insecure. Don't let his fears take over and pump that motivation!

LILLITH32 SparkPoints: (9,151)
Fitness Minutes: (4,418)
Posts: 278
6/25/13 6:08 A

What worked for me is acquiring some fairly nasty food allergies. I can't eat dairy and wheat without nasty consequences. Now that my coworkers have learned this, they don't offer me foods I can't eat anymore... for their own safety. My family is a bit different, but the "I am allergic to this, I will have severe indigestion and/or migraines" line works like a charm. As for unsupportive fiance... honestly, if this man will not support your weightloss and health goals, maybe he is not the right man for you. I lost a boyfriend when I first started going to the gym, he told me that my gym time takes too much time away from what I spend with him, and that I shouldn't go anymore. So, instead of stopping the gym I got rid of the boyfriend, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Talk to your fiance, and if he will continue being unsupportive, you may want to rethink your relationship.

KAB7801 SparkPoints: (83,315)
Fitness Minutes: (31,185)
Posts: 2,627
6/25/13 5:40 A

I agree!

JULIAINLA Posts: 896
6/25/13 2:13 A

I agree. Your fiancÚ should probably be made aware of how that comment made you feel. There's nothing wrong with extra emotional support when it comes to good health. Whether its counting calories or other helpful planning. We're all behind you in support. I really hope you are not deterred from reaching your weight loss goal :)

CHESAPEAKE60 SparkPoints: (7,537)
Fitness Minutes: (12,886)
Posts: 423
6/13/13 5:08 P

Have you sat down with your fiancÚ and tried to explain to him how important this is to you and that you need his support? If you haven't, perhaps you should. If you have and he still offers no support, you may have some rough years ahead of you....

MELICIOUS26 SparkPoints: (16,867)
Fitness Minutes: (49,741)
Posts: 116
6/13/13 4:58 P

Mini-vent here:
So I just started using this website, and I'm loving it. I was telling my fiance (who is overweight himself) about it, and his only comment was, "you're not going to turn into one of those people that won't eat anything without counting it first, and then we won't be able to go out and do anything anymore because you'll be too obsessed with calories". Grrrrr. Keep in mind, I am not from the town where we live. My family and friends are all an hour or more away from us. I honestly have no one around me besides him and his friends. He is usually so supportive of anything I do, but I'm not feeling that support from him when it comes to losing weight. We are getting married in September and I'd like to lose 15 pounds before the wedding, so I'm turning to all of you for that support and motivation I need to make that happen.
Ok, there, I feel better now getting that out. Thanks emoticon

CHESAPEAKE60 SparkPoints: (7,537)
Fitness Minutes: (12,886)
Posts: 423
6/12/13 1:09 P

Whenever I read one of these threads I am newly greatful for the friends and family that I have that support me. In WHATEVER I lifestyle I choose. They loved and supported me when I weighed 225 pounds a number of years ago. They have loved and supported my on my up and down journeys on the scales. And they are supporting me now as I try to really maintain for the first time ever. I is good to be reminded of our gifts.......

JENSTRESS Posts: 5,057
6/12/13 12:49 P

Online Now  • ))
I have had this same problem. First, I think the second poster is right. (I have blogged about this) When someone makes a very healthy change, we are faced with a few things. 1) Should we be making these changes too? or Are we eating the wrong or too much too? Or 2) we are just generally confronted with our own bad health or weight issues and are jealous that they took the bull by the horns and are making changes.

The too skinny comment makes me nuts. You see, we live in a world of obesity. So many people are overweight, that we don't really notice what "fat" is anymore. The BMI is a great tool for finding your weight range. Sure, it isn't perfect, and at a heavier weight you may not actually be healthy (body fat % and all) but it is a good TOOL.

My mom asked me not too long ago how much I had lost, and I told her. I also told her that I had a number of pounds more to go. She told me that was too much weight, and I told her that it was not. We actually discussed it, and I said that clothes can hide a lot, but I am going to lose an amount (likely what I stated) to get me to a healthy weight. I also mentioned that I would appreciate her support. When she realized she hadn't been terribly supportive, she straightened up. She also explained she didn't want me to get too obsessed and get too thin. I thanked her and said I didn't want that either.

As for being called boring, or pushed to eat or drink things, the HAHA oh, you, is awesome. AWESOME.

I have actually said, "I didn't plan on eating dessert today, but if you want to get together for a dessert on a day where I account for it in my calories, we can!" (Not quite in those words, but close enough!) I have also said that I wasn't hungry, didn't want it, and just said, "No thanks." I don't know what it is about misery loving company, but it is true!!!

Do what you have to for you. You won't feel good if you don't.

6/11/13 9:06 P

I am finding that the road to healthy is very lonely. Not sparkwise, the support here is great but there is a lack of healthy and supportive people in my life. My immediate family prefers the pre-healthy junk and convenience food to anything homemade and healthy. I am getting used to the comments. I try and accommodate the carnivore, the omni-carb, and one who has no taste buds, but prefers bland. Some days, I score with dinner and somedays, I have lots of leftovers and the dogs eat well. Then People have noticed that I dont go to social gatherings anymore. I dont do work buffets, optional breakfast meetings or lunch out with the girls. If they miss me, I invite them to go walking with me. No one has said that I've lost enough weight, it's coming off so slowly that they don't even notice.

BLOOGRL SparkPoints: (10,382)
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Posts: 381
6/11/13 5:51 P

LMAO!!! I can't stop laughing at the "haha, oh you!" It's so cute and awesome! But as some posters have said - it depends on the person you're dealing with - some people you need to be firm with - others you might need a stricter tongue. I deal with alot of unsupportive people myself in this journey. My best friend, who's also heavy (actually, now my BMI is lower than hers even though at the beginning I had almost 55lbs on her) says to me when I declined not buying myself any snacks for hanging out that night, "Oh, yeah. I forgot you're boring now." And I thought to myself "Wth does that mean?"

I totally understand what it's like to not be in the right mindset to lose weight; this isn't my first rodeo. But not being fun because I don't wanna eat fatty foods makes me a sudden fail? It still bothers me and this was awhile ago now. :( Her opinion means a LOT. I wouldn't ever tell her to lose weight - it's not my place, just like I don't want someone that's not my doctor telling ME to lose weight. My weight = my business. Just like getting into a healthy lifestyle - if you're not ready for it, it's a moot point to even bring it up. People have to be ready and want to do it on their own.

Of course there are many foods I miss - food is an addiction for me, but if I don't work on it - it's not going to work itself out.

SOCAL_LEE SparkPoints: (43,325)
Fitness Minutes: (97,762)
Posts: 246
6/11/13 3:27 P

Megadancingpeej: "haha, oh you" is absolutely brilliant! I love that.

Charris and Lthornton described the problem of people making them food and then acting hurt and basically trying to guilt trip them into eating. That is horrible behavior -- they're using emotional blackmail to sabotage you. Just remember, you didn't ask them to make the food; in fact, you probably told them NOT to make the food. So it's the other person who's "wasting" food, not you. You don't have to say all this, just use it to remind yourself that no one else, short of sitting on you and shoving cake into your mouth, can force you to eat something.

So to yourself, you say: "I didn't ask her to make me a four-egg omelette with sausages and grits, I'm not going to eat it. If she doesn't want to waste it she can put it in the fridge and eat it herself for lunch. It's not my fault or my responsibility. I need to take care of myself, so I'm going to eat the breakfast I planned for myself."

Then to the other person, you say, "Haha, oh you." ;)

MEGAPEEJ Posts: 732
6/11/13 2:21 P

My favorite response for those unsolicited comments is "haha, oh you." It gives them no room to argue, it doesn't make it look like I'm being argumentative, and it confuses them enough to get time to change the subject to something else.

"Bring your plate over, you need to have seconds!" "Haha, oh you."
"You're getting too skinny!" "Haha, oh you."
"What, you can't eat donuts anymore or something?" "Haha, oh you."

TWILAQ1 Posts: 548
6/11/13 10:45 A

I've been having weight loss success, and tend to tell my sisters (both of whom are overweight) about it. One is constantly telling me I've lost enough and that it's not healthy. The other, who had cancer and related therapy and should have turned her life around, shrugs. Perhaps they're jealous, but my point is that if I can do it, then they can, too.

When I told my mom the other day that I was down to nearly 160 she commented that that is still a lot of fat to be hauling around...

My husband, on the other hand, asked me the other day if he could start calling me 'Flaca' (skinny). He's so supportive and has allowed me to change up our diet in a major way over the last year or so.

ROSEBOMB Posts: 311
6/11/13 10:37 A

Charris - this is what happens to me. I get up in the morning and someone (who gets up at like 4am) has already made breakfast and they act all hurt and upset if I don't eat what they made - or the whole family wants to go out to eat dinner and I'm the only person who would rather eat something home cooked and they all look at me like I'm a party pooper or something.

RUSSTHESKIGUY SparkPoints: (3,358)
Fitness Minutes: (4,673)
Posts: 119
6/23/12 7:10 A

You guys are all awesome. Here is one more thing to think about when sticking up for your healthy lifestyle. There may be other people out there not as strong as you in the same situation and when they see you stand up for yourself, it can help increase their resolve to do the same thing. There will always be pushy people out there and having some good role models who don't give in is great to motivate everyone else.

Stick to your goals and enjoy the fruits of your labors.

N16351D Posts: 2,349
6/23/12 6:58 A

There are some good suggestions here which I can, and will use. The one about sticking to my doctor's orders fit in my situation. I have high cholesterol and am supposed to stay away from dairy foods. Ice cream is the one that is hard to live without.

The "smile and nod" idea is also a great one for some situations. Also the comments about wanting a healthy life for me is a good idea. I hope more people post with more suggestions. I now realize that I can be using different responses for different situations and people.

Once I turned down a glass of wine. My host would not take "no" for an answer. He pushed on me by an old college friend. When he put it in my hand the forth time, I threw the wine overboard from the boat on which we were dining. He couldn't believe it, was upset because it was expensive wine ( I would not have known the difference) but never offered me a glass of wine again.

BRITOMART Posts: 7,705
6/21/12 8:54 A

It's probably one of the most maddening things about change--people don't want us to (for all the reasons the second poster suggested, and then some).

If they won't listen, walk away. If they keep bugging you, and the doctor thing doesn't work, well, I've been known to lose my temper and say, please mind your business, not mine, but that doesn't work with most family--they know how to push your buttons too well.

With family who won't support me, I stay as far away as possible as often as possible; when some relative asks, why aren't you coming around?, I tell them, flat out and honest, no temper,
"It's because you don't respect my heath or my choices for health. I want a long and healthy life for me; what do you want for me?" That shut up one naggy aunt; didn't work with my brother, but, hey, can't win them all.

NINAOZZIE SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (3,361)
Posts: 83
6/21/12 8:50 A

Smile and nod, then change the subject emoticon

CHARRIS1016 Posts: 21
6/21/12 8:26 A

I have the same problem but mines is like someone in my will cook something very unhealthy and I will go in to bake my food and they will say you are wasting food why cant you eat what is there you didnt eat all your calories it wont hurt you lost 2lbs this week it is very hard to deal with and so hard to stay motivated and I ashamed to say most of the time I give in.

CMCOLE Posts: 2,667
6/21/12 6:38 A

I guess I should be happy not to have friends like that, although, having no friends is probably not a good thing.

Last brunch at the church, I knew that the menu would be pancakes, toast, sausages, etc., so I brought a bowl of fruit (frozen, mixed and defrosted), and some yogurt. The women commented something to the effect, "so, that's your secret". Thankfully, nobody tried to force feed me anything.

That being said, words cannot FORCE you to eat something you don't wish to eat. However, if you can do it at your stage in the game, one taste of whatever dessert they're pushing will be enough to taste it, and possible satisfy them. Tell them that the first bite tastes the best - everything after that doesn't compare.

Are their comments coming from jealousy, or perhaps they somehow are made to feel guilty because you're doing so well, and they haven't even begun - but think that they should?

Can you just change the subject?

Can you tell them that you'll take your doctor's advice, and stick with that?

Obviously, every person and situation is different, so I may not be giving you good advice at all.

There are a lot of other threads on this board with similar questions - perhaps one of them will give you an answer you can use.

N16351D Posts: 2,349
6/21/12 5:15 A

How do you cope with negative and unhelpful statements from family and friends on your path to a healthy lifestyle? Some common ones are, "You lost enough weight, you don't need to lose any more, " and "Oh, come on, another serving won't hurt." Another is, "Have some fun and have desert with us! Don't be a spoil sport!"

You get the idea.

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